Tuesday, January 29, 2008
A New Nightmare On Elm Street!!!....without Robert Englund?
Michael Bay is a piece of shit. He won me over with Transformers but I have a feeling Spielberg had more to do with Transformers kicking ass than Bay did... anyways....
Platinum Dunes, the company owned by Michael Bay, who are behind the remakes of all classic horror movies as of late, are now going to relaunch A Nightmare On Elm Street. They are going to start the series over, the story of Freddy Krueger, WITHOUT ROBERT ENGLUND!
How in the name of fucking crap can you possibly make a Nightmare On Elm Street movie, without Robert Englund? It is idiotic! The people behind this are also the same people that are behind the relaunch of Friday The 13th.
So it is officially over. Halloween, Friday The 13th, Nightmare On Elm Street are now all being remade, or already remade, and relaunched. Fuck it. I don't understand it at all. Why the hell can't people just make a new sequel? Relaunch a franchise with a NEW chapter! Not with shit we already knew.
God damnit.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Rambo Actually IS #1 At The Box Office!
So you are asking, how does that make Rambo #1? Well it is this simple. When I was at the ripe young age of 15, or 16. And there was a bad ass rated R movie coming out, what was a kid to do? That's right, buy a ticket to some PG-13 piece of shit, and go see what I really wanted to see. Now with these two movies numbers being so close, on top of the fact that I don't know a single person that actually went and saw Meet The Spartans, it is all but obvious that I would say a good 1 - 2 million dollars of that 18 that Meet The Spartans made, is actually money from kids under 17 that bought tickets to it, and then went and saw Rambo instead.
If you have not seen Rambo. Go. Go now, stop reading this and go see Rambo. Unless you're a little girl or you're like Devon and seeing a mans guts spill out, or peoples heads explode, or little kids getting shot in the face is a little too much for you, then go see Juno instead.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Shirley Phelps-Roper is at it again! SHE'S AT IT AGAIN!
Someone destroy this woman!!
Shirley is one of the daughters of Fred Phelps, the leader of the Westboro Baptist Church (aka God Hates Fags).
Phelps lost her shit when she was given a taste of her own medicine on the Kane morning show on 99.5 in Washington, D.C.
Shirley was being interviewed about her fanatical church's decision to protest the funeral and memorial for Heath Ledger.
She did not take it very well when the radio hosts brought up her illegitimate sons.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Review: Rambo
That pretty much should just sum up my thoughts on this movie. Why? Because I said those exact words at least three times during this movie. This is by far the most violent movie I have ever seen in the theaters. I have no idea how they got away with half the shit in this movie. But as for the movie itself?
Fucking fantastic. I have been reading over at rottentomatoes.com some reviews, they weren't any good. But just by reading them, it's obvious they're not Rambo fans. They're snooty critics that take shit too seriously.
This is the Rambo movie, hell, this is the action movie we all have been waiting years for. The plot is simple, basic. Some bad shits going down, some people go to try and help, they get killed/kidnapped, some mercenaries go in to help them, and Rambo tags along and well, take a wild guess from there. Bad things start happening to bad people, REALLY bad people. These are pretty much the most villainous vile people you could imagine, and they deserve what they get.
This is not a movie for normal folk. This is not a movie for most chicks, this is not a movie for Devon and other divas. This is a movie for MEN. This is a movie for hardcore Rambo fans. If you love Rambo, and you love action, you are going to love this movie. If you are not a Rambo fan, then what the fuck are you doing reading this in the first place?
This is a Rambo movie, plain and simple. No twists, no turns. Bad things happening. Rambo goes and takes care of it. That simple. People are complaining about dialogue on some reviews. Hey moron, no one goes to a Rambo movie to listen to people talk, they go to watch some asses get handed to them via Rambo.
10/10
Movie trailer: Midnight Meat Train
Don't let the stupid name fool you, this actually looks pretty awesome. Vinnie Jones as a homicidal maniac is all I needed to hear. Not to mention Leslie Bibb will probably be naked. I've been enjoying Bradley Cooper on Nip/Tuck lately, so maybe he'll be cool in this... and Brooke Shields... well... maybe she'll get killed.
Click here for the trailer, and see for yourself.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
And the next Bond title is.....
What the fuck does that even mean? Well, apparently the title is actually steeped in spy lore. Quantum of Solace is the title of a short story in For Your Eyes Only, a 1960 collection of short stories written by Bond creator, Ian Fleming. Fortunately, it seems that the plot of the short story (James attends a boring dinner party with a group of socialites he can’t stand and after making an offensive remark is told a story about the love affair between a former civil servant and a flight attendant) has been completely nixed from the film. What the hell was Fleming thinking when he wrote that?
This new adventure sees Bond (Daniel Craig) out for revenge on a mission that takes him to Austria, Italy and South America. Camille (Ukrainian-born Olga Kurylenko) leads the secret agent to Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric), member of a mysterious organization and a ruthless businessman, seeking to control huge natural resources.
Other short stories in the same collection have been made into other films ranging from the dreary Miami Vice-esque Timothy Dalton flop "License to Kill" (based on The Hildebrand Rarity) to Roger Moore's most serious, low-tech, and arguably second best adventure "For Your Eyes Only".
'Only' used much of its plot from the story 'Risico' - a title mentioned in conjunction with this film before. Certainly Olga's Camille character sounds similar to the Melinda Havelock character from 'Only' who was memorably played by French actress Carole Bouquet.
(portions of article credited to darkhorizons.com)
Ultimate Warrior hates Heath Ledger
On Warriors blog, and yes, that is his REAL name, Warrior, he states...
"In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you I have watched Brokeback Mountain no less than 45 times and I own the Limited Edition DVD, signed by Willie Nelson a short time after he wrote that queer cowboy song as a tribute to the courage of the producers and actors who broke such incredible creative ground when they made their agenda-less movie. Serious. Until I saw Bendover Brokeback, Braveheart was my favorite movie."
So wait, he doesn't like the movie, makes fun of it, but, owns it and it's his favorite movie?
"Leather Hedger did what it took to kill himself. His kid is without a father, yes, but the negative influence is now removed and his own child has the chance for a full recovery."
Leather Hedger? What the....
From what I gather, Warrior is pissed off because Heath Ledger got attention for dying, and took pills for anxiety and sleeping which makes him a real bad person. And he got a lot of media attention but soldiers that are also 28 dying in Iraq get no attention. Well uh, Warrior, no one other than the families of that person know who they are. Yes, it is sad that someone gives their life for our country, but the media isn't going to give them attention because, no one knows who the fuck they are. Sorry, but it's true. Damn near everyone on the known planet knows who Heath Ledger is.
Warrior then attacks Hulk Hogan on his parenting, and rambles on, you know what...
Warrior, shut the fuck up, seriously. People thought you were bad ass what, 15 years ago? You are not cool anymore, you are no longer bad ass, you are pretty much, a HAS BEEN. The only reason you are rambling on about Heath Ledger is for one reason and one reason only. ATTENTION. And well, you got it, so congrats on using a dead guys name to get yourself a few extra hits on your website, you sir, are one of a kind.
Love,
RandomVillain
P.S. Hulk Hogan is better than you.
Toy Story 3-D??!!!
Toy Story will hit theaters October 2nd 2009. With Toy Story 2 coming February 12th 2010. Leading into Toy Story 3 June 18th 2010. And of course all 3 will be presented in 3-D. John Lasseter (director of the first two "Toy Story" films and chief creative officer for Disney and Pixar Animation Studios) will personally oversee the creative side of the 3-D conversions for Toy Story and Toy Story 2. Lee Unkrich (co-director Toy Story 2) is directing Toy Story 3.
Now I wanna go to Disneyland and ride Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters over and over again and try to beat my high score.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Devon Lohan Forums Return
Click here to be taken to the land of The Devon Lohan Forums!
Westboro Baptist Church is going to PICKET Ledger's Funeral.
Why?
The "God Hates Fags" psycopathes will picket the deceased actor's funeral because he is what they believe to be "a pervert who promoted homosexuality by appearing as a gay man in Brokeback Mountain."
Someone needs to show up, rifle in hand, and blow those crazies clear back to crazy town. They are really inexcusable if they go through with this. You may remember the crazies from the video shown here below:
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Cause Of Heath Ledgers Death Discovered!?
But seriously folks, there is one thing on everyones minds. "Well, that sucks hes dead and all but... what about The Dark Knight?!!?" People are curious of how he died, and wanna know why God why but most importantly, on the minds of geeks and nerds and movie nuts all around the world, wanna know what does this all mean for the most anticipated movie of the year?
Well here is the scoop...
He was finished with it. He had filmed everything there was to film, and as for post production he had finished everything there was to do for that. All publicity photos, posters, ADR, all of it was completed. The real problem is he was in the middle of filming his new movie with Terry Gilliam (Fear And Loathing, Brothers Grimm). And as for if The Dark Knight will be delayed, no. Will it still be released? Of course. I don't understand why people were so upset over what would happen with The Dark Knight because of this, shit Brandon Lee died on the fucking SET of The Crow and they just put in a body double and finished the job and released it.
And hey, don't be all pissy about the cartoon picture. At least we're not posting pictures and videos of his dead fucking body in a body bag like some sites.
Update on the untimely death of Heath Ledger.
- The deceased was discovered by a masseuse and a housekeeper at approximately 2:45 p.m. today.
- The masseuse was there for a regular appointment.
- The deceased was found in his bedroom.
- The deceased was lying on the floor, curled up, at the foot of his bed.
- The deceased was naked and face down.
- There were not pills found scattered around the room as had been previously reported.
- There were some prescription bottles, including prescription sleeping medication, uncovered.
Amy Winehouse Smokes the Crack Pipe, and the Proof is on Video
Heath Ledger has died
More as it becomes available... We are not going to post up to the minute updates. Because even those are not 100% true. When the real facts become available, we will post them.
Academy Award Nominations
Best Actor
George Clooney - Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood
Johnny Depp - Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Tommy Lee Jones - In The Valley Of Elah
Viggo Mortensen - Eastern Promises
Best Supporting Actor
Casey Affleck - The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
Javier Bardem - No Country For Old Men
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Charlie Wilson's War
Hal Holbrook - Into The Wild
Tom Wilkinson - Michael Clayton
Best Actress
Cate Blanchett - Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie - Away From Her
Marion Cotillard - La Vie En Rose
Laura Linney - The Savages
Ellen Page - Juno
Best Supporting Actress
Cate Blanchett - I'm Not There
Rudy Dee - American Gangster
Saoirse Ronan - Atonement
Amy Ryan - Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton - Michael Clayton
Best Animated Feature
Persepolis
Ratatouille
Surf's Up
Art Direction
American Gangster
Atonement
The Golden Compass
Sweeney Todd
There Will Be Blood
Cinematography
The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
Atonement
The Diving Bell And The Butterfly
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood
Costume Design
Across The Universe
Atonement
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
La Vie En Rose
Sweeney Todd
Best Director
Julian Schnabel - The Diving Bell And The Butterfly
Jason Reitman - Juno
Tony Gilroy - Michael Clayton
Joel & Ethan Coen - No Country For Old Men
Paul Thomas Anderson - There Will Be Blood
Best Documentary Feature
No End In Sight
Operation Homecoming: Writing The Wartime Experience
Sicko
Taxi To The Dark Side
War/Dance
Best Documentary Short Subject
Freeheld
La Corona (The Crown)
Salim Baba
Sari's Mother
Best Editing
The Bourne Ultimatum
The Diving Bell And The Butterfly
Into The Wild
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood
Best Foreign Language Film
Beaufort
The Counterfeiters
Katyn
Mongol
12
Best Makeup
La Vie En Rose
Norbit
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Best Music Original Score
Atonement
The Kite Runner
Michael Clayton
Ratatouille
3:10 To Yuma
Best Music - Original Song
Once
Enchanted
August Rush
Enchanted
Enchanted
Best Picture
Atonement
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood
Best Animated Short Film
I Met The Walrus
Madame Tutli-Putli
Même Les Pigeons vont Au Paradis (Even Pigeons Go to Heaven)
My Love (Moya Lyubov)
Peter & The Wolf
Best Live Action Short Film
At Night
Il Supplente (The Substitute)
Le Mozart Des Pickpokets
Tanghi Argentini
The Tonto Woman
Best Sound Editing
The Bourne Ultimatum
No Country For Old Men
Ratatouille
There Will Be Blood
Transformers
Best Sound Mixing
The Bourne Ultimatum
No Country For Old Men
Ratatouille
3:10 To Yuma
Transformers
Best Visual Effects
The Golden Compass
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Transformers
Adapted Screenplay
Atonement
Away From Her
The Diving Bell And The Butterfly
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood
Original Screenplay
Juno
Lars and the Real Girl
Michael Clayton
Ratatouille
The Savages
Monday, January 21, 2008
Razzie Nominations
WORST PICTURE
Bratz
Daddy Day Camp
I Know Who Killed Me
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Norbit
WORST ACTOR
Nicolas Cage
GHOST RIDER, NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS
and NEXT
Jim Carrey
THE NUMBER 23
Cuba Gooding, Jr.
DADDY DAY CAMP
and NORBIT
Eddie Murphy (as Norbit)
NORBIT
Adam Sandler
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
WORST ACTRESS
Jessica Alba
AWAKE, FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER
and GOOD LUCK CHUCK
Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos & Skyler Shaye
(A Four-for-One Deal!)
BRATZ
Elisha Cuthbert
CAPTIVITY
Diane Keaton
BECAUSE I SAID SO
Lindsay Lohan (as Aubrey)
I KNOW WHO KILLED ME
Lindsay Lohan (as Dakota)
I KNOW WHO KILLED ME
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Orlando Bloom
PIRATES OF THE CAROB-BEAN: AT WIT'S END
Kevin James
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
Eddie Murphy (as Mr. Wong)
NORBIT
Rob Schneider
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
Jon Voight
BRATZ, NATIONAL TREASURE 2, SEPTEMBER DAWN
and TRANSFORMERS
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Jessica Biel
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
and NEXT
Carmen Electra
EPIC MOVIE
Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia)
NORBIT
Julia Ormond
I KNOW WHO KILLED ME
Nicolette Sheridan
CODE NAME: THE CLEANER
WORST SCREEN COUPLE
Jessica Alba
& EITHER
Hayden Christensen
(AWAKE)
OR
Dane Cook
(GOOD LUCK CHUCK)
OR
Ioan Gruffudd
(FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER)
Any Combination of Two
Totally Air-Headed Characters
BRATZ
Lindsay Lohan & Lindsay Lohan
(as The Yang to Her Own Yin)
I KNOW WHO KILLED ME
Eddie Murphy (as Norbit)
& EITHER
Eddie Murphy (as Mr. Wong)
OR
Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia)
NORBIT
Adam Sandler
& EITHER
Kevin James
OR
Jessica Biel
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
WORST REMAKE OR RIP-OFF
Are We Done Yet?
(Remake/Rip-Off of MR. BLANDINGS Builds his Dream House)
Bratz
(A Rip-Off If Ever There Was One!)
Epic Movie
(Rip-Off of Every Movie it Rips Off)
I Know Who Killed Me
(Rip-Off of HOSTEL, SAW and THE PATTY DUKE SHOW)
Who's Your Caddy
(Rip-Off of Caddy Shack)
WORST PREQUEL OR SEQUEL
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
Daddy Day Camp
Evan Almighty
Hannibal Rising
Hostel: Part II
WORST DIRECTOR
Dennis Dugan
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY
Roland Joffe
CAPTIVITY
Brian Robbins
NORBIT
Fred Savage (yes, THAT Fred Savage.)
DADDY DAY CAMP
Chris Siverston
I KNOW WHO KILLED ME
WORST SCREENPLAY
Daddy Day Camp
Screenplay by Geoff Rodkey and David J. Stem & David N. Weiss
Epic Movie
Written by Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
I Know Who Killed Me
Written by Jeffrey Hammond
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Screenplay by Barry Fanaro and Alexander Payne & Jim Taylor
Norbit
Screenplay by Eddie Murphy & Charles Murphy
and
Jay Sherick & David Ronn
WORST EXCUSE FOR A HORROR MOVIE
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
Captivity
Hannibal Rising
Hostel: Part II
I Know Who Killed Me
JJ Abrams Star Trek Teaser Trailer
Click here to watch the trailer in pretty quality.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
RIP, Actress Suzanne Pleshette dies at age 70.
Perhaps best known for her roles in Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds, or later in her life with roles on The Bob Newhart Show, 8 Simple Rules..., and Will & Grace. Pleshette was diagnosed with lung cancer, and began chemotherapy a little over a year ago. Doctor's are attributing her death to respiratory failure. She was 70 years old.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Wanted: Hiring Blog Writers
But our friends over at Reality Show Blog are looking for some reality tv fans who might want to write some blogs. Oh yeah, and they don't pay shit. Well they might pay a little but there is no guarantee.
Hiring Reality Show Bloggers
The REAL Cloverfield Monster At Last!
***IMAGES REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT***
First Image Of The U.S.S. Enterprise
Warner Brothers puts Justice League movie on Indefinite Hold
The young stars, headlined so far by OC alum, Adam Brody (The Flash), were all told Thursday morning that even the film is on hold, the studio is dedicated to making it with them.
Studio reps are saying it could be the end of Summer, to beginning of next Fall before the film gets underway.
Warner Bros cited many reasons for the delay, including issues with tax breaks in Australia, where the film was set to shoot.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Food Review: Snack Time!
I got me a box of Cheez-Its from the store to snack on. And I got a case of diet cokes to store in my mini fridge.
Well, I ate some Cheez-Its and they were damn good.
During the Cheez-Its, I also drank some diet coke, it's good too.
Ash had a taco.
I would recommend this snack to anyone cause its pretty damn good. See that, John Chow rolls in rented limos, talks about parties he goes to (yet we don't ever see any pics of him at parties), as well as talk about gettin chicks (and we never see any pics of him with chicks) then he does stupid reviews of restaurants that no one goes to, or has even heard of. As for me, I review restaurants, my own damn kitchen, and snacks! Chow on that Chow! Chow down on my balls!
Johnny Depp is The Greatest Human Ever
Johnny Depp has secretly been giving back to the hospital that saved his little Lily-Rose. Johnny Depp secretly visited Great Ormond Street Hospital yesterday to donate $1 million of his own money to thank staff for saving his daughter's life. He arrived unexpectedly at the London children's hospital where eight-year-old Lily-Rose was treated last year when her kidneys failed.
Last week he invited five Great Ormond Street doctors and nurses to the party for the London premiere of his film Sweeney Todd. And on November 29, unknown to the public, Depp spent four hours at the hospital telling bedtime stories to patients dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow after having his Pirates Of The Caribbean costume flown over from Los Angeles.
Lily-Rose had E.coli poisoning in March and luckily even though it was touch and go for a while she survived and is doing better now. It is nice to see that Depp did not take her survival for granted and has been giving back to place that saved her.
This kinda news, makes me wanna give someone a hug. Good ol Depp, bringing peace and love to the world.
Diane Keaton is a "fucking" rebel, man.
About 20 seconds or so, Keaton and Sawyer are gnashing about Keaton's new movie, and how Sawyer has such lovely lips, when Keaton busts out with "I'd like to have lips like that. Then I wouldn’t have worked on my fucking personality." Sawyer's reaction is about what you'd expect it to be, and the moments afterward are definitely cricket-chirp worthy. Good thing this didn't happen on FOX News, they'd have been calling Keaton a democrat the rest of the day!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Review: Cloverfield
It's ok.
Very, very very, disappointed in this movie. It had a few things going for it, and surprisingly, it was the characters. I was more interested in the characters shit, than I was about the damn monster. Basically, you seen the trailers, Group of friends throwing a party for someone thats going away, a giant monster attacks, they run all over the city while it attacks. And well, yeah that's about it really. Of course there is a subplot of Our main guy who is trying to get across the city to where his girlfriend is, who is pinned down and trapped in her apartment. But really, what the big debate has been is, what does the monster look like?! And does it really have little tiny monsters that fall of its body?!? Well, we have already seen a drawing of the monster that just hit the net a couple days ago. I won't post it for those that wanna be surprised, but honestly, it's nothing groundbreaking. And as for the little monsters, well just smaller sized versions of the things from Starship Troopers. Really both huge monster and tiny monsters are shit we've already seen 100 times in Sci Fi movies. Nothing new to see here.
And as for the action? Well, the friends run around, tiny monsters attack them, they run more. And that's really the extent of it. There is nothing groundbreaking, nothing innovative, nothing totally awesome, nothing that'll make you go "holy shit!" it is basically, just the shit you have already seen in the commercial, but this time you get to see the monsters.
What could have made this movie better is if it had more to it, I have a feeling there was way cooler shit going on and more fucked up things happening to people somewhere else in the city, only thing is, they didn't have a video camera, so we miss out.
That's really all I have to say about this movie. I would say it's worth a watch but, I have no desire to rush out and see it again. I doubt I ever will see it again.
6/10
Actor Brad Renfro found Dead in his Los Angeles Home!
Brad Renfro has been on drugs for awhile now but lately has been trying to get clean. He had been arrested many times for it, I think he was even arrested for stealing a boat in Florida once, or maybe that was Brandis? My guess is Renfro took a little too much and OD'd.
Renfro had just finished filming The Informers with Winona Ryder, Mickey Rourke (bad ass) Superman, I mean Brandon Routh, Billy Bob Thornton and Kim Basinger. Quite the nice line up right there. He was also attached to star in Joe The Engineer but, not anymore obviously.
R.I.P. Brad, I'll give Bully a watch tomorrow for ya.
Review: Meet The Spartans
I am really sick of these god damn "spoof" movies that are coming out. Hot Shots was the last time I saw a good spoof movie. Scary Movie 1 - 23432432 are all a waste of fucking time. The first movie had some laughs, but nothing that would hold up in the second viewing. Then came shit like, Date Movie, and Epic Movie. Which no one on the planet over the age of 10 thinks is funny. The main problem with movies like this, on top of not being funny, is they make fun of current events. Oh look! King Leonidas just kicked Britney Spears down the hole! Oh and he just kicked the "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!" Guy down there too! Oh and Sanjaya!! Hey, guess what, 10 years form now, someone at the video store might be bored and wonder what the hell Meet The Spartans is, go home, watch it, and not get about 95% of the jokes in it because they're all dated and old as shit and no one remembers who the fuck Sanjaya is.
Now, when Date Movie and Epic Movie were coming out, I rolled my eyes a bit, and groaned and wanted life to end during the commercials for the movies. But with this movie, I change the channel! Most people change the channel during a stupid TV Show. Well, I change the channel during a commercial, too look for ANYTHING that might be on, I hit any random numbers on my remote, and I don't give a shit what I land on, cause I know itll be better than a commercial for Meet The Spartans.
People, please, do not go see this movie. Today is was proven that if we stop going to see piece of shit movies, they will stop being made. Today Uwe Boll had his backers pull out of all future productions with him. Uwe Boll will no longer be making shit fuck movies going to theaters with big name actors. They will now be small budget shitty direct to DVD movies, the way it should be.
Do not go see this movie, please end the spoof movie craze. I beg of you.
I give this movie a 0.1 out of 10.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Forget Cloverfield, go see Monster!!
As for what else The Asylum has put together for us fine folks, they have given us.....
King of the Lost World - A story similar to King Kong, released on December 13th, 2005, one day before the U.S. theatrical release of Peter Jackson's King Kong remake.
When a Killer Calls - The story of a babysitter being terrorized by a psychopath, this film was released in February of 2006 to coincide with the U.S. theatrical release of the When a Stranger Calls remake.
The Da Vinci Treasure - This project starring C. Thomas Howell and Lance Henriksen is an obvious rip-off of The Da Vinci Code, and was released four days after the other film's U.S. theatrical release on May 19th, 2006.
666: The Child - This film about a couple who discover that their adopted child may be the Antichrist was released on June 6th, 2006, the same day as the U.S. theatrical release of The Omen remake.
Pirates of Treasure Island - This pirate-themed film was released on June 27th, 2006; most likely to capitalize on the July 7th U.S. theatrical release of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. One may note that the box art for Pirates of Treasure Island is very similar to that of the first Pirates of the Caribbean film, and one actor's appearance is a blatant copy of Johnny Depp's character, Captain Jack Sparrow.
Snakes on a Train - This film was released three days before the U.S. theatrical release of Snakes on a Plane on August 18th, 2006. Aside from the "snakes terrorizing humans in an enclosed area" theme, the Asylum film bears no resemblance to the Samuel L. Jackson vehicle.
Transmorphers - A film about giant robots fighting humans which was released a week before the U.S. theatrical release of Michael Bay's Transformers on July 3, 2007. Despite a very similar title to the film based on the Transformers toy line, Transmorphers is more analogous to the Terminator universe, where after hundreds of years of robots ruling Earth, the humans rise up in war.
Alien Vs. Hunter - This movie is most similar to the Alien vs. Predator franchise and has been timed to tie in with the theatrical release of the second movie in that series. The movie features aliens and 'hunters' (which bear a striking resemblance to Predators), two warring races who come to Earth. The poster is almost identical to that for the first Alien vs. Predator movie, featuring profiles of the two antagonists staring at each other and the movie's title in the middle, below an 'AVH' logo which resembles the 'AVP' logo of the Alien vs. Predator films.
I Am Omega - A futuristic thriller in which a lone man fights off hordes of creatures in a world ravaged by disease. I Am Omega has no official relation to the 1954 Richard Matheson novel I Am Legend or the Will Smith film of the same name. The Matheson novel is a copyrighted work that has only been licensed three times for film adaptations; the 1964 film The Last Man on Earth starring Vincent Price, the 1971 film The Omega Man starring Charlton Heston and the 2007 film I Am Legend starring Will Smith.
Those are movies they have already released, later this year we get the treat, 100,000,000 B.C., after Roland Emmerichs 10,000 B.C. I have never watched any of these except for Snakes On A Train, which is fucking great. I mean, the end of the movie has well, a giant snake, eating a train.
Keep up the good work Asylum!
Random Villain: For President. For You.
I am asking all of you, my fellow droogies to write me in on your ballots. I am for you, for the people. I give you what you want and then some. As for what I would do as president, here are my plans....
I would change the legal drinking age in every state to 18. Why? Well lets face it, kids get alcohol anways even if they're not 18. This will reduce crime, like kids stealing beer, as well as secure me a vote from every single person ages 18 - 20.
Here is the catch, as I would increase the DUI law. If you are busted for a DUI, automatic year in jail. No question. For every DUI after that, add a year. So if you are busted yet AGAIN for a DUI, you get 2 years Busted three times? Make it 3 years. If you are driving drunk, hit and kill someone. Make it LIFE. See who fucks around then.
I would make marijuana legal. I don't smoke, but I am sick of idiot stoners running around saying LEGALIZE IT! So there, its legal, now shut the hell up. Also like beer for kids, people get this stuff anyways.
For every single cop in the country, I would change the rules for them. If a suspect is running from you, shoot them in the legs. Do whatever it takes to take a suspect out. If a suspect gives you lip, bust that lip with a night stick. Criminals run all over doing whatever thinking they're bad asses because police have so many rules and laws against them. If cops were more like John McClane and Dirty Harry, I know I wouldn't dare try to commit a crime.
As for the border problem. Well here is what I would do. I understand Mexico sucks, and that they wanna come here for decent work and to them, decent money. So how can we come to a middle ground. How about we have them serve a little time for us. Do something for America. Show how much of an American you really wanna be. That is why every Mexican that wants to come to America would have to serve 1 year in the US Military. After that, they can come on in, and be a US citizen. They put their lives on the line for America, so why the hell not?
If you are at fault in an auto accident, it is an automatic 1 year suspended license. If you are paying attention to what you're doing. Then you should not get into an accident. Don't text, don't fuck with your iPod. Drive. I hate when I am on the freeway and it takes me an hour to get home cause of some retard that crashed on the freeway. It's the fuckin freeway! A road, that goes in only 1 direction. Straight!!!! How the hell can you possibly fuck that up??
I would make it a law that celebrities are NOT allowed to charge for an autograph to fans. Hey fuckheads, the reason you're even making a living and hitting conventions are because of the FANS. They put your ass there, show a little thanks by signing shit for free.
Those are just a small handful of things I would do for MY country. Unlike Bush, our current president, that seems more concerned over OTHER countries and has done only two things for this country, jack and shit. Vote Random Villain. Vote for change!
John McCain now leads the Republican race!
And after his win in the New Hampshire primary, Arizona Sen. John McCain has come from behind to now lead the national Republican race, according to a new CBS News/New York Times poll. However, among Democrats, New York Sen. Hillary Clinton has maintained her double-digit national lead in the race, despite winning only one of the two contests so far.
McCain is now the choice of 33 percent of Republican primary voters in the poll, up from just seven percent in the last CBS News/New York Times poll taken in December. Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee is in second place with 18 percent, down from 21 percent in December. The biggest drop downward is in former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani’s support, from leading at 22 percent in the last poll to ten percent now. Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson are tied in this poll at eight percent.
I like Fred Thompsons movies, thats about it. Clinton is only leading because there are more females than males in the country. Then the females also have the gay community on their side. Obama won't win cause there are too many redneck racist crazy people in the country.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Movie Review: In the Name of the King
So we went, and gave it a shot, and within the first 5 minutes of the movie I was already cracking up at how utterly stupid and devoid of any reason it actually was. An ensemble cast of B to D list actors, led by action man Jason Statham, give the movie the sense that it's actually a Hollywood produced film, but the dialog and horrific screen writing quickly remind you that you are watching a movie that never should have gone anywhere past insta-DVD status.
There's some seriously fucked up dialog in this movie, case in point the following conversation:
Actor 1: So-and-so has taken two thirds of the army. Actor 2: Who has he taken? Actor 1: The 12th and 11th fleet. (So out of 12 fleets, the 12th and 11th equal 2/3??) Actor 2: And that leaves how much? Actor 1: One third of the army, sir.
COME ON!! The movie is also completely fucking random, and never once gives any kind of backstory, or reasoning for what's taking place. There's random ninjas, random tree people, and random ass bad guys, who are called the Kurg, and say nothing but "kurg, kurg, kurrrrg".
Oh, and did I mention motherfucking BURT REYNOLDS plays the King!? WHAT?! Burt Reynolds and his 8 pounds of unstoppable botox are easily one of the best parts of this whole movie, and that really isn't saying much at all. Matthew Lillard is fucking terrible, like... I wanted to kill myself when he was on screen. LeeLee Sobieski isn't half bad, and she's pretty hot. Kristanna Loken is fucking seriously hot, and didn't get enough time on screen. Claire Forlani sucks balls, as do Ron Pearlman, that old dude from Sliders, and especially Ray Liotta.
Jason Statham kicks crazy ass, with all kinds of random kung-fu and a fucking boomerang, but even that doesn't save this horseshit pile of a script.
Someone needs to assassinate Uwe Boll, and quit letting him adapt fucking lousy ass video games that only super nerds have heard of. Why would serious actors even agree to be in his films? They can't be getting that paid THAT much, because every one of his pieces FLOPS at the box office. It boggles my mind.
I don't seriously recommend this movie, but in all honesty, I think you SHOULD go see it, if for nothing more than the laughs you're gonna have at all the shitty acting and fighting. It's almost worth it... almost.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Lost Boys 3?! Lost Boys Comics?! The Two Coreys 2?!
"Lost Boys 2 is on the way and from what Warner Bros. is saying it looks great, they are already talking about doing a third…..;) we’ll see! They have also commissioned a 4 issue series of comics that DC comics will be releasing with my image as Edgar Frog, telling the story of what happened between the first and second movie."
I am very skeptic for Lost Boys 2, obviously, I love the first one. But the second? Hmmm, I am happy that they snagged the original Frog Brothers for it though. And I would for sure snag the comic to find out what happened between the two movies. He also ponders another season of The Two Coreys, which I stopped after 3 episodes, I know some reality shows are scripted, but this was painfully obviously scripted.
"the powers that be at the A&E network have ordered a second season of “The Two Corey’s”. Will I do it? Should I do it? Frustrating isn’t it. Welcome to my world! haha….. Let’s just say we are currently having creative talks and negotiations to see if we can find a way to continue the show even given the broken state that Haim and my relationship is in ."
Honestly, negotiating? Seriously, Haim, Feldman, do the fuckin show, like you both have shit to do anyways.
Food Review: Random Villains Kitchen
I then snagged me a diet coke. Now you may wonder, RV, there is no way you are on a diet. And how the hell does diet shit go with pizza?? Well my droogies, honestly, I just prefer the taste of diet coke instead of normal diet coke, call me crazy.
I stuck the pizza in the microwave for 1 minute 45 seconds. Perfect. I then sat down, and ate my pizza and drank my diet coke and it was delicious. I would say I would eat here again for sure. Also would recommend it to anyone. It is good food, because it is good.
For even more retarded reviews, visit John Chows blog. I would give you the link, but since I don't even read that retarded bullshit, you're on your own.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Food Review: Red Lobster
Today I got the Cajun Shrimp Linguini Alfredo, Lobster Pizza, and Cheddar Biscuits.
The Cajun Shrimp Linguini Alfredo was really good. I get it every time. The Lobster Pizza is a really good appetizer, I get it every time too. And Cheddar Biscuits are delicious. I get those every time.
In the end, Red Lobster is a really good place to eat. So go there if you like good food. Cause their food is good.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Elisha Cuthbert Finally Goes Nude?! See For Yourself Here!!
Now, as you will see, the camera is not showing her face, and her topless at the same time. But that doesn't mean it isn't her. It might be, it might not be. Either way, it's boobs, and it's Elisha Cuthbert, in the same scene together. Watch for yourself and you be the judge, is it her? Or a body double??
Well if you can't see the video below, just click here and be whisked to the magical land of JoBlo.com to see it!
Ron Paul Bitchslaps "Campaign" Carl Cameron on Fox News SC Debate
Carl questioned Dr. Paul's electability and credibility as a Republican candidate. Ron Paul ably explained why he is the most conservative and traditional Republican on the stage.
Carl Cameron opened his last round of questioning by asking " Congreesman Paul, this is a question about electability.. Do you have any?" He then went on to rationalize his question by remarking that Paul disagreed with the other candidates on many issues. How could he be the nominee of the Republican party?
Ron Paul responded that he was a "strict constructionist" and the "most conservative" candidate up there. Explaining that all his votes and beliefs strictly followed the Constitution, Paul wondered aloud how a conservative who followed the Constitution could not be considered " a Republican." He wondered why the Republican Party would not want a fiscal conservative candidate that actually followed the party platform. He did not leave the Republicans, but perhaps they left him.
Congressman Dr. Ron Paul continues to show the true colors of Fox News Channel and its reporters. Fox News Channnel continues to show its bias in supporting policies and candidates that oppose traditional Constitutional values. FNC obviously supports a style of big govenrment "neo-conservatism" marked by endless war and runaway inflationary spending.
Developing...more to come, with videos and more quotes from the debate and Frank Luntz's cheesy infomercial.
Wondering how many episodes of your favorite shows are left?
Aliens in America: Seventeen episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are seven left.
Back to You: Nine episodes have been produced. Seven episodes have aired, so there are two left.
The Big Bang Theory: Eight episodes have been produced. Eight episodes have aired, so there are zero left.
Bionic Woman: Eight episodes have been produced. Eight episodes have aired, so there are zero left.
Bones: Twelve episodes have been produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are three left.
Boston Legal: Fourteen episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are four left.
Brothers & Sisters: Twelve episodes have been produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are three left.
Carpoolers: Thirteen episodes have been produced. Six episodes have aired, so there are seven left.
Cavemen: Thirteen episodes have been produced. Six episodes have aired, so there are seven left.
Chuck: Thirteen episodes have been produced. Eleven episodes have aired, so there are two left.
Criminal Minds: Thirteen episodes have been produced. Twelve episodes have aired, so there is one left.
CSI: Eleven episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there is one left.
CSI: Miami: Thirteen episodes have been produced. Twelve episodes have aired, so there is one left.
CSI: NY: Fourteen episodes have been produced. Twelve episodes have aired, so there are two left.
Desperate Housewives: Ten episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are zero left.
Dirty Sexy Money: Thirteen episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are three left.
ER: Thirteen episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are three left.
Friday Night Lights: Fifteen episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are five left.
Gossip Girl: Thirteen episodes have been produced. Thirteen episodes have aired, so there are zero left.
Greek: Eight episodes have been produced. None have aired yet, so there are eight left.
Grey's Anatomy: Eleven episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there is one left.
Heroes: Eleven episodes have been produced. Eleven episodes have aired, so there are zero left.
House: Twelve episodes have been produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are three left.
How I Met Your Mother: Eleven episodes have been produced. Eleven episodes have aired, so there are zero left.
Jericho: Seven episodes have been produced. None have aired yet, so there are seven episodes left.
Las Vegas: Nineteen episodes have been produced. Twelve have aired, so there are seven left.
Law & Order: SVU: Fourteen episodes have been produced. Twelve episodes have aired, so there are two left.
Life is Wild: Twelve episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are two left.
Lost: Eight episodes have been produced. None have aired yet, so there are eight episodes left.
Medium: Nine episodes have been produced. One episode has aired, so there are eight left.
Men in Trees: Nineteen episodes have been produced. Eight episodes have aired, so there are 11 left.
Moonlight: Twelve episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are two left.
My Name is Earl: Thirteen episodes have been produced (that includes two one-hour eps, which count double). Twelve episodes have aired, so there is one left.
NCIS: Eleven episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there is one left.
The New Adventures of Old Christine: Eight episodes have been produced. No episodes have aired, so there are eight left.
Nip/Tuck: Fourteen episodes have been produced. Eight episodes have aired, so there are six left.
Numbers: Twelve episodes have been produced. Ten have aired, so there are two left.
The Office: Twelve half-hour episodes have been produced. Twelve half-hour episodes have aired, so there are zero half-hour episodes left.
One Tree Hill: Twelve episodes have been produced. Two episodes have aired, so there are 10 episodes left.
Prison Break: Thirteen episodes have been produced. Eight episodes have aired, so there are five left. (On hiatus 'til Jan. 14)
Private Practice: Nine episodes have been produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are zero left.
Pushing Daisies: Nine episodes have been produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are zero left.
Reaper: Twelve episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are two left.
Samantha Who?: Twelve episodes have been produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are three left.
Scrubs: Eleven episodes have been produced. Six episodes have aired, so there are five left.
Shark: Twelve episodes have been produced. Eleven episodes have aired, so there is one left.
The Shield: All 13 season-seven episodes have been produced. None have aired (the final season gets underway in '08), so there are 13 left.
Smallville: Fifteen episodes have been produced. Nine episodes have aired, so there are six left.
Supernatural: Twelve episodes have been produced. Eight episodes have aired, so there are four left.
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: Nine episodes have been produced. None have aired, so there are nine left.
Ugly Betty: Thirteen episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are three left.
The Unit: Eleven episodes have been produced. Eleven episodes have aired, so there are zero left.
Without a Trace: Twelve episodes have been produced. Ten episodes have aired, so there are two left.
Ron Paul Fan? SAVE_US.RON PAUL!!!!!!
As for me, I am not into politics. People that are all about politics actually annoy the shit outta me cause they get all huffy and puffy and argue about every damn thing and no matter what, they are always right.
I never vote, ever. I don't care about it at all. Puff Diddy can kiss my ass. But, I am voting for Ron Paul. Why? Cause he kicks ass. And thats that.
Joaquin Phoenix Can't Spell His Own Name
Black People Are Funny
And it made me think, about how funny it is. Black people, obviously hate the KKK. But um... Well just take a look, and think about how funny it is.
Thats right, I went there. How freakin idiotic and funny is this? Black people spend over 100 years trying to free their race and get away from these crazy KKK redneck morons. And in the end of it all, they wear basically the same shit. Only dumber. At least the KKK costume is a robe and shit, but what the hell is up with the giant ass T shirts? And where in the name of God do they find these shirts?! I never see these things in stores, but of course I dont shop at the retard stores that they do like, K MOMO and those other stores in the malls wear you can get the weird stupid words air brushed on in cursive. You know what I'm talkin about, wait, I bet I can find one of those pictures right now..... brb.....
Wow, just fucking wow. I quit. Not only did I find a picture of the shirts with the shitty airbrush pictures and stupid writing on it, but I found that stuff on giant T shirts!!!!Hot damn. I am officially speechless. Anyways, maybe when my brain is done melting from all this giant white t shirt madness, I will return and discuss, what the hell is up with blacks/mexicans/wiggers that wear baseball hats and keep the stickers and tags on it, because to them, it may be some weird fashion statement, but to me, first thing I think is, they just stole that hat from the mall and haven't removed the stickers yet.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Goodbye Beehive, Amy Winehouse Has Blonde Hair!
Phoenix Suns hit 20 3 pointers in 1 game against Denver
The REAL Cloverfield Monster!
I know we have been running a lot of Cloverfield stories on the film's viral marketing ad campaign today, but a new image of a supposed Cloverfield monster toy has "suddenly" surfaced. And it was indeed created by Peter Konig, the art director for the film.
So what do you think? Is this the Cloverfield monster? One thing is for sure, if it is, it should finally shut up the movie geeks on the web!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Update: New Hampshire Caucus comes to a close; Hillary Clinton Wins!
These assclowns on CNN keep saying shit like "Hillary Clinton... yes THAT Hillary Clinton... has won the New Hampshire caucus"... oh shut up Lou Dobbs, you old piece of crap.
Lou Dobbs is so old he called this shit when Lincoln was running for office. That walking fossil doesn't know what to think, considering 6 hours ago he was positive Hillary was done for.
I hate you CNN. You and your bitchass Anderson Cooper.
What Is Cloverfield?!?! We have the answers!!
Well simply, I have the answers. And it is quite easy.
Cloverfield is actually a movie version of the popular game, you might know it.....
THATS RIGHT!
CLOVERFIELD IS A MOVIE VERSION OF THE GAME RAMPAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
R.I.P. HD DVD
As of right this very second, HD DVD only has 2 studios that are HD DVD exclusives. While Blu Ray has all the rest. Well, later on today, HD DVD will be stuck with only Universal. As Paramount/Dreamworks will be packing their bags and using a get out clause in its HD DVD exclusivity deal, and go back to Blu-ray. And it will be just a matter of time before Universal follows all the other cool kids as well.
This is sorta sad news, as for some strange reason I have enjoyed this battle. Going to Best Buy and having a hard time deciding on what format to choose, eventually choosing both. Well actually I chose Blu Ray first and then only snagged an HD DVD player because Wal Mart had them on sale for 100 bucks.
So long HD DVD. I will still use my HD DVD player, and watch my old classics that I actually just recently purchased. I am expecting my HD DVDs of Purple Rain, Deliverance and Deer Hunter any day now.
UPDATE: Digital Bits is reporting that Universal is now in talks with the BDA about following Paramount over to Blu Ray as soon as possible. This war is done.
Monday, January 7, 2008
No Golden Globes For Us! Thanks Writers!
Anyways, Nikki Finke from Deadline Hollywood says, “The Hollywood writers strike can now claim its first awards show casualty. I'm hearing from my sources that NBC will not be broadcasting the big Golden Globes show as planned for January 13th….Instead, a stripped down news telecast will be aired exclusively by NBC News from the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, site of what was supposed to be the big show, where the Hollywood Foreign Press Association will announce the Golden Globe winners who won't be present in the room.”
Thanks writers, the only decent awards show is not gonna go down. Just some winners announced on the news and that be that.
My thoughts over the whole, writer thing. I understand they're pissed that producers make all the money while the writers, the REAL creators behind movies, don't make as much. Well guess what, for every cry baby writer on strike, there are 100 writers struggling to get their work noticed in the world and would GLADLY take their spot and make the kinda money writers are already making in the first place. Nikki goes on with....
"There will be a press conference this afternoon announcing that the Globes Awards ceremony will not go on. Here is the plan:
At 9 PM there will be a press conference covered by NBC News announcing the Golden Globe winners. (9pm-10pm)
At 8 PM, we are negotiating with Dick Clark Enterprises for a one-hour retrospective/clip show.
At 7 PM, we will air a Dateline with clips and interviews with nominees. (Currently scheduled to air for two hours on Saturday night.)
At 10 PM, we will broadcast an "Access Hollywood" style, Golden Globes party show...visiting the various parties in Hollywood.”
Ice Cube playing B.A. is BS!
Whatever, fuck you Ice Cube. Instead of saying...
"I wouldn't try to duplicate what Mr. T did, but I will have the same impact on you when you were little watching the TV show. I'm going to bring my own flavor to it and I am going to do the mohawk."
He should be saying...
"There is only one actor on this planet that is fit to play BA, and that is Mr. T himself. Not me."
Go make another Friday movie Ice Cube. I am convinced now that Ice Cube is gay and gave E the aids that he died from. Thanks Ice Cube, you aids spreading waste of time.