I am officially done with fast food. I am not that big of a fast food fan, but we usually always end up getting it. But after tonight, never again, no more....
I got home from work, and had a slice of left over sausage pizza from Pizza Hut. The wife informs me she is hungry and wants a cheeseburger, her being pregnant, I must comply. I head to Burger King and I get her cheeseburger, and I get myself 2 rodeo burgers........
Later that night....
I am laying on the couch, and suddenly, I mean within mere seconds, my stomach turns to shit, and I knew something wasn't right. I went into the bathroom, and fired up the laptop. Yes, my laptop is set up in my bathroom for my bouts with #2 so I can the world.
WARNING
THE FOLLOWING IS THE CHAT TRANSCRIPT THAT TOOK PLACE TONIGHT BETWEEN MYSELF, AND "CC". IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, STOP READING NOW. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.....
THE FOLLOWING NAME "CC" HAS BEEN CHANGED FROM ITS ORIGINAL NAME TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT.
RV: god damn
RV: thats it
RV: i am officially declaring NO MORE FAST FOOD
CC: W O W
CC: what will u eat?!
CC: u eat fast food every day
RV: i had leftover pizza slice and 2 rodeo cheeseburgers from Bk for dinner
RV: and god damn i feel like im dying
RV: my stomachs all fucked, im shittin like, soft serve ice cream right now
CC: BK made me sick last time i ate there
RV: god damn dyin here
CC: ROLFMFAOOOOOOOOO
CC: WOWWWWWWWWWWWWW
RV: seriously i cant even move off this toilet
RV: im in bad shape
CC: all messy
RV: ugh
RV: like
RV: i wanna puke
RV: i feel like if i puked id feel alot better
RV: but i HATE puking
RV: so thats out of the question
CC: no greasy fast food shit
RV: thankfully i only got 4 hours of sleep last night
RV: JESUS CHRIST
RV: I JUST FEEL LIKE I PISSED OUT MY ASS
RV: AAGGHHHHUUGGGHHHH
CC: ROFLMFAOOOOOOOOOO
CC: FUCKING WOW
CC: "I JUST PISSED OUT MY ASS"
CC: :: dying ::
RV: video of a guy shitting pisspoo
CC: hahhahaha
CC: its the comments and facials that would make it $$$
RV: ugh
RV: fuck damn shit
RV: freakin hell
RV: thank god i only slept 4 hours, im tired as shit right now so i can atleast go sleep this off
RV: let my stomach settle while i sleep
RV: hibernate
RV: fuck fast food
RV: fuck pizza
RV: done
RV: seacrest out
RV: salads and yummy stuff forever
RV: well i cant sayy NO fast food, ill still eat Subway
RV: Subway doesnt make my ass erupt with poolava
CC: that doesnt count
CC: Subway is different
CC: how i dont know, it just is
RV: ok
RV: i rank anything with a drive thru as fast food
RV: and some subways here have drive thrus
CC: ok there ya go
RV: it
RV: took
RV: 3 flushes
RV: to get this done
CC: lmmfao
CC: must smell like death
RV: it was kinda like, ID4 when Goldblum says TIMES UP, and my ass is space ship, and the toilet was the building in new york and the giant beam shot out of my ass
RV: and destroyed the toilet
CC: rofl
RV: my legs are asleep
RV: thats where i am odd
RV: i go through ALOT of washcloths
RV: im very uh, well, kinda funny, but the word fits... i am very ANAL about my ass being clean
CC: u use........wash cloths? lmmfao wtf!
RV: so i wipe with normal TP and if i feel just the slightest odd ill snag a washcloth dampin it and do the job and then throw the cloth away
CC: LMFAFAOOOOOOOOOOO
CC: THROW IT AWAY!?!?!??!
CC: HAHHAHAH
CC: like.......wash cloths.......the little towels?!
RV: YES
RV: gotsta clean that ass
CC: good lord
RV: oh no
RV: i dont get up till i know the jobs done
CC: hahahaha
Now, a song I dedicate to myself....
Wash cloths?!?! LMAO.
ReplyDeleteYou need to get you a thing of baby wipes and keep it under the bathroom sink for these kind of situations.
Wet toilet paper is actually standard in my house. We use charmin. It comes in little plastic tubs and you get refills. Wiping has been a 2 step process for me for years.
ReplyDeleteFWIW, Burger King does this to me- regularly. Yet I still go back, though fortunately i've cut way back. Did you just have burgers? Any sides? Because for some reason I thought it was from their fry oil. But maybe it is their meat?
Nope I just had the two rodeo burgers. BK has never done that too me before, pizza sometimes does. I think what happened was the combination of BK going into my stomach on top of the pizza hut that was already in there created some kind of perfect storm.
ReplyDeleteDude, be a man. Go to White Castle and get yourself about 20 sliders, wash it down with a large milkshake, stop at the drug store for some chocolate ex-lax for dessert, THEN come back and tell us what that is like.
ReplyDeleteWe don't have White Castle here.
ReplyDeleteAnd the one time I did have White Castle, it tasted like what I left in my toilet last night.
The End.
It's the Wendy's that always does me in.
ReplyDeleteWhite castle is terrible- unless you like a mouthful of cheap bread with a microscopic burger. I DO live near White Castle, for the last 3 years. When I moved here I tried it and realized I wasnt missing anything before.
ReplyDeleteNot only does the food taste like crap the "slyders" really do SLLLLLLLLIDE through your system.