Review: Return To Sleepaway Camp

Sweet titty fucking christ...

Alright this movie was so fucking HORRIBLE that I did not want to even bother with writing a review. But today I signed into my MySpace and I found that Felissa Rose, who plays Angela, the killer in the original and who is back in the new Sleepaway Camp, has posted her reply to the many, many negative reviews that this movie is getting. Here are her logical, mature, comments replying to all websites that are bashing this movie....

"GO FU** YOURSELF

I love making movies. Especially when I really love the script, the people and the part. If an audience watches it, great, if they react-wow, wonderful, even if they hate it, well, then I've affected them and everyone is certainly entitled to their feelings about movies. We put ourselves on the line and know that we'll be scrutinized. I love it when people get fired up and even don't like the work, it's all good!!....I've gotten so many emails (I'd say hundreds) with people loving rtsc and some not loving it! Again, cool,..BUT WHAT THE FU** IS THEIR PROBLEM AT FANGORIA!!!!??? Again, I understand if someone doesn't like Return to Sleepaway Camp. You can review it, in an appropriate way, and say how you feel. But, it's exactly that..HOW YOU FEEL!! When you start to sound like you have a personal beef with someone, well, be a man about it, pussy, and confront me, or Robert. Don't hide behind your little computer and take it out on the film. And now there's another hatred review! PUHLEEEZE!! Did we need to hear from you folks again? Go make your own movie. Oh, that's right, you can't. The funding fell through....ooops, I'm getting personal. Ya know, I rarely get flaired up like this, but when I'm attacked PERSONALLY, WATCH OUT! SERIOUSLY!! Again, Karma is a bitch....and I can be too. ps you give us a five page spread to sell your magazine and then start trashing us!"

Felissa, come on. I am a huge Sleepaway Camp fan. Sleepaway Camp is my favorite horror movie. I got the box set that also includes it's two horribly bad sequels. But see even though those sequels are bad, they're so bad and cheesey that they're good. But Return To Sleepaway Camp? Sweet crap. It is pretty much the worst movie of the year, by far, hands down. I have never been more let down in my life by a movie. This was filmed in 2003/2004 and it just NOW came out on DVD. That should give you an idea. For the 4 years since completion the filmmakers have said "oh man we are doing tons of CGI work to make this look great". Yeah. That was their excuse. They were busy working on all the effects. Hey idiots Lord Of The Rings didn't take 4 years and look at all the damn effects in those movies.

Anyways, the story is this, Alan, a kid at camp, is picked on all the time. So of course you're supposed to feel sorry for him. And of course you're supposed to think he's the killer, since everyone that picks on him gets killed off. The only problem is... Alan is the most annoying obnoxious asshole on the planet. You actually sit and pray that he gets killed off right away. So you actually don't end up feeling sorry. Because you hate him just as much as everyone else in this movie. This is so horribly acted that you don't end up giving a shit about anyone in this movie. You just hope they all die.

SPOILER TERRITORY... I GUESS..... The worst part of this movie is the cop. Because it is the WORST make up job in history. If you are a fan of Sleepaway Camp, you knew already that Felissa Rose was coming back as Angela, to that right away cancels out Alan being the killer. Then you see the cop and from the very first scene you know it's someone in a disguise. They might as well just put on the funny glasses with the fake nose and moustache. That is what they spent 4 years on. The end of the movie the cop takes off his disguise and it's Angela!! Oh no!!! Who, ugh, I can't even describe it. How about the worst scene in the history of film? It's so badly acted and written that a 5 year old could have done a much better job. Angela laughs like an idiot because she killed all those kids, but there's no reason, she's just there. Then she stops laughing and does a stare into the camera, not a creepy stare, just, the dumbest look ever, like someone that is about to get hit by a car I guess? I dunno. I made the mistake of buying this DVD when it came out, after I watched it I put it on the shelf next to the Sleepaway Camp boxet, and my DVD shelf imploded. Not even my DVD shelf wanted anything to do with this movie.

The gore? Mediocre. The acting? Worst I have ever seen. The writing? Ugh don't get me started. There is no plot, no point, you feel dumber for watching it. I wish I could say "If you're a fan you'll love it but if not you probably won't." But I can't. As a Sleepaway Camp fan this is a SHITTY FUCKING MOVIE. Combine how let down you were after seeing Hulk and Superman Returns and multiply that by infinity. I can only imagine what it would be like for someone to watch this who isn't a fan.

-600 / 10