Movie News Catch-Up! GI Joe Rise Of Cobra?! Revenge Of The Fallen?! The Love Guru Sucks!

Here is the latest happenings in the movie world since I've been gone...

Transformers 2 no longer 2, it will now just be called "Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen." But we will still just call it Transformers 2. And when we go to the theater and ask for tickets, we will just say, Transformers. Subtitles are stupid.

Speaking of subtitles and stupid. Stephen Sommers latest attempt to destroy my childhood, GI Joe, will now be called, GI Joe: Rise Of Cobra. And yea, it will still just be called GI Joe by all of us.

Spiderman 4 will be headed our way May 2011. No word on who if any of the original cast will return, I highly doubt it and personally I am fine with that since Spiderman 3 was such a huge pile of shit they can all go rot in hell. And Sam Raimi needs to stop fucking around and go make Evil Dead 4 already.

The Love Guru bombed. Thank fucking GOD. I was so worried that it would be number one and make shit loads of money. Get Smart was rightfully the #1 movie this weekend. There is hope for the human race after all.

Hostel 3 is headed our way. But this time Eli Roth will not be writing or directing it. I guess that means this Hostel movie will actually be good unlike the last two. ZING!

Terminator 4 teaser trailer will be with The Dark Knight. I am still very UGH about Terminator 4, but it has Christian Bale in it and the man has yet to do me wrong. McG on the other hand, has done nothing but. We will see.

Oh and in case you didn't know, or care, a sequel to Donnie Darko is on the way, called S. Darko. Richard Kelly is not involved, which, to borrow an early joke, probably means this Darko movie will be good. Sorry but Donnie Darko is the most overrated movie of all time.

That is all for now.

Christian Bale.... Is John Connor?!?!?!

Well, this has taken a turn for the HOLY SHIT. I have been really pissed that McG is directing the new Terminator movie, cause he sucks. Charlies Angels is fucking ass. But holy crap..... Christian Bale as grown up John Connor? I am all fucking over this movie now.

For those who knows, Christian Bale never does shit movies. He takes his work seriously and doesn't fuck around. So maybe there is something to this Terminator script that we don't know yet. Either way, Like T2 and T3, I will be there opening weekend summer of 09 for Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins!

Hollywood Gone Retarded. McG making Terminator 4, Studio fucks Hitman, Will Smith remakes Karate Kid

God damn Hollywood has gone batshit crazy....

I love me some Terminator movies. 1 rules, 2 is probably one of the best action movies ever, and part 3 was likeable. I dug the ending to the third one. But I come with a heavy heart today... Terminator 4, 5, and 6 are being planned with WB buying the rights to the film franchise. The sad news? Guess who is making it... this guy named... McG. Thats right, his name in credits is McG. What awesome credits does this guy have under his belt? Film classics such as Charlies Angles, and Charlies Angels Full Throttle, and We Are Marshall. I kinda look at McG as being the retarded little brother of Brett Ratner.

Anyways the small glimmer of hope that we have to hold on to is McG is not signed yet. A screenplay has been completed by "Terminator 3" scribes John Brancato and Michael Ferris, and the financiers and studio are close to locking a director. While industry buzz has director McG as the odds-on favorite for the assignment, the producers said no final decision had yet been made.

Oh yeah... And I am sure you are wondering where Arnold fits into all this... he doesn't. Ol Vin Diesel is rumored to take over... McG... Vin Diesel... fucks sake. This is almost as shitty as this news.....

Xavier Gens the director of the upcoming video game movie Hitman, which "looked" pretty damn awesome, has been pulled from the project... the reason why? After being hired to shoot an adaptation of the ultra-violent video game Gens took Asian action films such as The Killer and A Bittersweet Life as his starting point and turned in an explicitly violent, very bloody cut of the film that apparently included a number of head shots and extreme gore moments that would have guaranteed the film a hard R rating. Which really shouldn’t have been any sort of surprise if the studio execs had been paying any attention at all - it’s not like they wouldn’t have seen the dailies or effects work ahead of time - but apparently after seeing Gens’ cut of the film the studio removed him from the project and placed Nicolas De Toth in control of a new edit of the film. Who’s De Toth? He’s the man behind the edit of Live Free Or Die Hard, a job he was hired for specifically to turn in an entirely bloodless version of the film and word is that this is his task with Hitman as well. So what are we going to get? A bloodless version of the film assembled with no input whatsoever from Gens. Because for some reason, they think R rated movies don't make any money at all.... like this years 2 biggest movies... 300 and Knocked Up. Oh wait a minute. This is pretty stupid but not as stupid as....

Sony Pictures is developing a remake of The Karate Kid that will be produced by Will Smith's Overbook Entertainment and Jerry Weintraub. Weintraub also produced the 1984 film, starring Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita, and its three sequels.

We were also advised that Smith's son Jaden, 9, is attached to star in the remake. Jaden Christopher Syre Smith starred opposite his dad in las... you know what fuck this I stop there. This is just too god damn retarded to even continue.