Friday, June 29, 2007

Chris Benoit

Well I have kind of avoided this hot topic. I kinda figured D Money or someone would throw a blog about him up here but I guess Ill spill my thoughts on the whole matter.
I never was a huge fan, I mean he was awesome in the ring, and great wrestler, but beyond that. Not much else. He won the title at Mania, and celebrated with Eddie which was pretty awesome. But it was a Benoit match that finally twisted the dagger that was already stabbed in my wrestling fan heart. See I had been losing all interest in wrestling for a long while, the product was shit, it was boring, and it was just the same ol shit every week. Mostly due to John Cena. The man can't wrestle, can't cut a great promo, and is not entertaining. He is annoying and only appeals to people that don't know shit about wrestling, girls, or little kids. Then the time came a few weeks ago for a John Cena vs Chris Benoit match, which really peaked my interest. Because it was Chris Benoit, sure Cena can slide with making people like HHH and HBK and Kurt Angle tap out and lose, but this was Benoit. One of the few guys in the ring that if confronted on the street, would actually really kick the shit out of you. As apposed to people like say, Johnny Nitro who would probably have his ass kicked. Anyways the match came, I watched, and I saw, Chris Benoit, who people call "the greatest techincal wrestler ever" which I don't, tap out to John Cena. John Cena made Chris Benoit tap out, say that out loud to yourself.

After that match, I lost all interest, stopped watching WWE entirely, quit. Done, and over. Then McMahons death angle came along, and people were all kinds of mad for them making a death angle, big fucking deal, theyre the same people that call wrestling fake, and say its nothing but a TV show. Well, people die all the time on TV shows. Anyways, a couple weeks later the bombshell. Chris Benoit flies home for a family emergency, and next thing we know, he has killed his family, and himself.

This was probably the most shocking wrestling news ever heard, my immediate reaction was that this was all fake. Then more and more news came and it was real. Then of course, as always, news comes along that it was steroids. Retarded. It is the same news people that say, kids shoot up schools because of metal music and movies. Retarded. There is one thing, and one thing only, and it is called "crazy." Some people out there, are just so fucked in the head, that they seriously just go crazy. And thats what Im calling this Chris Benoit murders. He was a fuckin psycho. Sure, an argument, kills wife, it happens, not really crazy, or a psycho, but definatley fucked in the head. But when you can tie up a woman, no pun intended, and strangle her with a cord, and then go to a small childs room, and pin him down on a bed and place a bag over his head, and not just any child YOUR child. That makes you fuckin crazy. And when you go and place bibles next to the dead bodies, then send random text messages to friends, and hang yourself. That to me makes you a fuckin psycho.

Im sorry Chris Benoit is dead, I hoped he would have a decent run in ECW, even though to me, it was apparent he would be TNA bound like everyone else thats a big name and is sent to ECW. But to everyone saying OH HES WITH EDDIE NOW! REST IN PEACE! I hate to break it to ya, but Eddie is more than likely up in the clouds chillin with Andre. While Chris is in a bad place hanging out with Ted Bundy. RIP Nancy and Daniel.

Oh yeah, and to those saying Benoit was the best technical wrestler. Sorry but Bret Hart owns him.

Remember them then? Yes please!

Well well well. This is a new little article I am bangin out, not much of an article, kind of a, Where are they now? Sort of thing.... Involving former stars that you would like to bang the hell out of now.....

Remember Stephanie Tanner? The cute adorable wise crack from Full House. Here is a pic of what she looked like then.......
Well since Full House she hasn't really gone on to do much except for some crystal meth apparently. Which she has since recovered from. And good lord, did she make a great recovery. So what is she up to now? Still nothing, doing nothing, not really acting, just showing up at random events. Oh and... having fantastic boobs.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Random Villains: Top Songs That Helped Me Get Laid

Back in high school, there was really only one point in living. Sex. Lots of it. And back in high school, thats exactly what I did. The back seat of my old 94 Dodge Shadow was the place to be if you were me and a chick. So what helped out in these moments? The old tradition of some smooth tunes. So here is a list, and a few rememberances, of these songs.... Oh yeah, click on the titles, and go listen for yourself.

Sneaker Pimps - 6 Underground

God damn this was some fuckin SMOOOOOTH shit. This song I remember clearly, went down after the Talent Show in Junior High. My girlfriend just performed in the talent show and we left the school and immediatley went to our spot.

K-Ci and JoJo - All My Life

What girl back in the 90s didnt lose their fucking minds over this song? No foreplay or smooth talkin needed when it came to this song. I slipped this CD into the ol CD player, and it was go time baby.

Brian McKnight - Back at One

Hell ANY damn Brian McKnight song did the trick back then. I just chose this one back it got the most plays. Only problem with Brian McKnight songs is, they can go one of two ways. Either get the girls into a freaky fuckin mood, or make them break down and cry like bitches, in which case had to be booted from the shadow.

LL Cool J - Doin it

This was probably the most horniest damn song in high school. I remember I was hanging out at this girls house, she was babysitting her sister, her sister was asleep in bed. And we went into my friends room and she turned on the radio, and were just hangin out then BANG. Power 92 comes on with some fuckin LL, next thing I know, bumpin uglies.

Usher - Nice and Slow

Sweet jesus did girls lose their ever lovin minds over this song. I remember at the talent show (different one) this friend of man sang this damn song on the stage, got into the shit big time. And I fucking kid you not, the school suspended him because he was "too sexual" on stage. And he was just SINGIN! And girls were losin their fuckin MINDS!

Boyz II Men - I'll Make Love To You

You know this shit had to be on here somewhere. Yet another song that damn near every girl in the world would lose their fuckin minds over. What the hell ever happened to music like this? I can't think of one fucking song thats out these days that would go anywhere on this list, poor kids in high school have to depends on old school shit to get them laid.

Aerosmith - Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

Shitty movie this is from, but the high school girlfriend proclaimed this "our song" ugh. Only reason its on here is because shed put this on in the CD player as her way to say, "Hey, fuck time, lets go." Ahhh the good ol days.

TLC - Red Light Special

Does t his really need much of an explination?

R Kelly - Bump n Grind

Nothin wrong with it, until you pee on them huh R Kelly? Thanks for ruining this song ya sicko!

Seal - Kiss From A Rose

Well this song did the trick alright. Then the fuckin movie Batman Forever came out and ruined everything, thanks Shumacher, just because you don't fuck girls doesn't mean you gotta ruin it for all of us.

Bryan Adams - Love A Woman
Bryan Adams - Everything I Do
Bryan Adams - All For Love

Bryan Adams tore shit up when it came to wantin to get laid. Every damn girl loved her a guy that had some Bryan Adams ready to go. Another girlfriend of mine proclaimed two of the above as "our songs" and I said alright, because Bryan Adams is A O K in my book.

Edwin McCain - I'll Be

This song = LAID

And the final song, the one song, THE fuckin song that always got the job done if all the other songs above would fail ya.....

Silk - Freak Me

So there ya have it folks, those songs did it for me, try some of them out on some of the girls you know, let me know if it worked the charm like it did for me. Post some comments if I missed some songs that you think should be on the list. Enjoy. Get laid.

The End Of An Era: R.I.P. Hilton Stories

Paris Hilton is nothing but a waste of fuckin air, human flesh, and space. I am sick to god damn death of hearing about her, listening to her, and so many people thinking the world really cares. Honestly, what in the flying fuck does Paris Hilton do for the world besides get drunk get high and fuck guys? NOTHING.

We have talked about this stupid bimbo slut bag for months. And I am officially announcing, that Ultra Entertainment, will never, ever post another Paris Hilton blog ever again save for ONE more time. The ONLY time you will see another blog about her, will be when we are celebrating her much, much needed death.

Paris Hilton was a fucking NO BODY, and then she made a sex tape, wow. Big fucking deal. Paris Hilton is such a piece of fucking dog shit and her vagina probably smells like a god damn circus tent AFTER the show is over. Paris Hilton is worthless, and when she dies, the world will celebrate.

The End.

Related Blogs: Paris Hilton is Evil!

More New Blog Partners...

Ultra Entertainment is experiencing one of our best months ever, with more great posts and traffic than we've ever seen. As we grow we are continuously partnering up with other great blogs to help get the word out and keep things moving. Today we have 3 new link exchange partners, they are: - This blog is a tax refund related blog, dealing with everything tax related, and is a great source of information on the subject. Also features a great list of other blogs that do link exchanges.

Enkay Blog is features numerous topics including technology, business, cars and reviews. It also features tips on growing and expanding your own blog. He will give you a free backlink if you review his blog. - This blog is Phillip Yong's Money Making Blog. He shares his own path to trying to earn money online with his blog, and the different things he is trying and programs he is using. He is giving away free backlinks if you review his blog.

Check out these great blogs, and if anyone else wants to exchange links, just use the contact e-mail on the right.

Spice Girls back, alright!

Wait, maybe thats the wrong song, that shit was for the crappy turds known as Backstreet Boys. But anyways....

The Spice Girls are back. Confirmed today that they will be back for a world tour, a new album, and release of their greatest hits. Now I will admit, as should everyone. There was not a single person on this planet that didn't listen to atleast one Spice Girls song. I even got laid thanks to a Spice Girls song. That song, was 2 Become 1. In high school, back seat of my dodge shadow. Put that song on and I was in like flint. Hey this gives me an idea for a new blog....... I got laid alot in high school thanks to many songs...... BACK ON TOPIC. For me, besides 2 Become 1, the other song I dug was uhhh, Too Much? I think that was the name of the song. And there was another, but I don't remember the name, or any lyrics. Anyways. Admit you ya fuck, you listened to them. Now who was your SGILTF? (Spice Girl Id Like To Fuck) For me, I dug me some Sporty Spice. Anyways, here is the tour dates. So get ready, because honestly, I believe this... The Spice Girls are here to destroy emo music. I believe it in my heart. Godspeed Spice Girls, the world depends on you.

December 7 – Los Angeles
December 8 – Las Vegas
December 11 – New York City
December 15 – London
December 20 – Cologne
December 23 – Madrid

January 10 – Beijing
January 12 – Hong Kong
January 17 – Sydney
January 20 – Cape Town
January 24 – Buenos Aires

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Review: Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon

Do you like horror movies? I sure as shit do. And lately horror omvies have been exactly that. SHIT. Thankfully, along came Leslie Vernon to make my world right again. This movie makes the fact that, all horror movies, take place in the same universe. Jason, Freddy, Myers, Chucky, all exist in this universe. And they mention this fact, how so?

This movie is a fake, documentary, comedy, horror film. It is about a new madman on the block, Leslie Vernon, who has a big plan to make his mark next to Freddy Jason and Myers. The movie even starts off talking about Crystal Lake, Elm Street, and Haddonfield, and shows all three locations. So he hires a documentary film making team to document this moment. So the first half the movie, is basically a documentary. My favorite bit is showing him working out, talking about how hard it is to get in shape so he can keep up with everyone because hes walking while everyone else is running their asses off. And of course, when its the big night of his arrival, things go wrong and they stop filming the documentary, and thats where this turns into a great horror flick. Old school slasher style happenings.

Its been a long time since I watched a movie that instantly became classic in my eyes, that I had to run out, buy the soundtrack to, buy a copy of the DVD, look up reviews, and even find cast members on myspace. I found the man who plays Leslie Vernon on myspace, even shot him a little message basically saying, "hey man, just watched your flick, loved it, great job." And he even shot me a message back basically saying "Thanks dude! Glad you enjoyed it!" Of course he said more, and I said more, but thats not really the point. The point is if you dig horror flicks, and have for awhile, you will love the hell out of this movie. I wish I could go into more details on this but I wanna leave all of it as a surprise for you all. So here is the trailer, watch it, see its greatness, and go rent this movie, and if you got a spare 15 bucks, go buy it. You won't be sorry.

Trailer for the movie.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Random Villains Top 10 Favorite Movies Ever

Since my top 10 most anticipated list was a hit, I decided to go with this all new one. I present to you, Random Villains Top 10 Favorite Movies Of All Time.

Good ol Swingers. I had recently been dumped by my girlfriend of 3 years in 2000. Probably the roughest break up to date. Depressed, lonely, sad, miserable, till my friend came along and said. "Dude, watch Swingers, you will feel lots better." So I hopped in my 94 Dodge Shadow, drove down to the video store, Video Powerstore, which would later be my place of employment. Came home, threw on Swingers, sat in my chair and watched. 1 hour and 30 minutes later. I felt alot better, better than I had in months. Since then to any guy going through a break up, or just to anyone period looking to see why Vince Vaughn rules, I point them to Swingers and nobody ever regrets it.

Swingers clip
And another Swingers clip

When I was about 10 years old, my older brother came up to me one day and said. "Hey did you ever see The Evil Dead?" That sentence changed everything. That night, my mom brought home The Evil Dead. See when I was a kid, thankfully, my parents happened to own a small corner video store, which of course would later fall thanks to Blockbuster and Hollywood. So anytime I wanted to watch a movie, I just had to call her and ask her to bring it on home. So I sat in my Dads recliner, and my brother on the couch. And watched the movie that would change my life. After I saw The Evil Dead, I decided that I wanna get my friends over, and make movies right away. I showed them The Evil Dead, in which we rushed out and watched Evil Dead 2. A couple years later, Army of Darkness came out. The Evil Dead Trilogy is something I hold dear to me. Atleast once a year I watch them. On top of my TV sits an Ash figure, an Evil Dead lunchbox. Down the hallway is the Evil Dead posters. Any person on the planet would agree that The Evil Dead Trilogy is one of the greatest movie series of all time.

Evil Dead

Evil Dead 2
Army Of Darkness

When I was a kid, my mom showed me a movie called Harvey. I freakin loved Harvey, so of course, I looked for anything and everything related to it, which of course lead me to Rear Window, after I saw that, I needed anything and everything Hitchcock related to watch. And of course that brought me to Psycho. Now I had seen the Psycho house when I was a kid on many Tram Tours at universal. I knew all about the shower scene, I knew about the twist ending. But it still did not stop me from enjoying the hell out of this movie, and Mr Norman Bates. As you will probably tell from this list, horror movies are my favorite genre, a genre to me, that presently is almost extinct. Nobody does it like Hitchcock, no matter how much M. Night Shamalamaamdingdong tries to rip off.


I love me some Disney. I love me some Pixar. And when you put the two together, wow. I saw Toy Story opening day at the theater, nothing in the world looked like it to date. I always saw Disney movies in the theaters, but this one blew my mind out of the back of my skull. This is my favorite Disney movie ever made. The one damn line in it, that always makes me laugh, is when the kids are showing up to Andys birthday party, and one of the kids brings bedsheets, and Potato head says "Who invited that kid?" It had everything I wanted in a movie, and it was a cartoon! Kinda. To this day, anytime Im feeling down, got the blues, or what have you. I throw on Toy Story, and I am as happy as I can be, it is the cure all medicine for anyone with the blues.

Toy Story

Good fuckin god. Halloween. Every single year, in October, it is Halloween time. I watch Halloween 1, 2, 4, 5, 6 and 7. Fuck part 3 in its ass, and part 8 was the biggest piece of shit ever. So fuck that one too. I saw this when I was a kid, Jason didn't scare me, Freddy didn't scare me. Myers was the original horror slasher. He had no weakness, no fear, nothing could ever stop him. And the scariest thing was he was a person. Not some demon like Freddy, not some weird retard kid that drowned in a lake like Jason. Myers was just a fucking lunatic that killed everything. And it seemed real, it felt like if I went outside, Myers, or someone like him, could be behind any tree watching me. And the other great thing about this movie? The fucking MUSIC! No music score in any movie ever gets my blood going like this one, sure there are alot of great movie THEMES, but I am talking about the entire Halloween score. Not just the theme. Just last weekend, me, my girlfriend, and my nephews went on a trip to LA, to Disneyland, Universal, and we just had to make one more stop... to Haddonfield. We went to the street where it was filmed, saw the sidewalk, the hardware store, and Myers house! It was amazing, I wish we had more time to walk around the place, so of course I will be making a return visit. This year, Rob Zombie is sadly, remaking Halloween. I fear the worst, but hey, its Myers, and he is in a new movie. So thats that, because John Carpenters Halloween will always be king of all slasher movies.


Clerks, and Pulp Fiction. Now I said above, that The Evil Dead changed my life by making me want to make movies in my backyard with my friends, which I did for many years. But there was one epic day back in 95 that really changed things. See at my parents video store, studios would send out screeners of their movies that they were getting ready to release on video. And one day we got a box in that contained Clerks, and Pulp Fiction. So that night I went home, and watched both of these movies. After seeing them, it was then that I decided that making movies in the backyard with my friends was not gonna be enough, I wanted to make movies for the world as a career. Clerks I could indentify with mainly because I worked in the video store with my parents, so I knew where Randall was coming from with dealing with moron customers, and of course, Jay and Silent Bob were great. Pulp Fiction, I had seen nothing like it in my entire life, nothing. Of course I was only 13 at the time, so it took me about 3 viewings to really understand what the hell was going on in it. But if it were not for these two movies, I don't know what the hell I would be up to these days.


Pulp Fiction

Now this is a list of my FAVORITE movies. meaning movies that changed my life, or had a major impact on me in one way or another, and they are movies that I can watch at least once a month, and never ever get tired of. But to me, Braveheart is on another list. As the greatest movie of all time. These top 3 movies are somewhat tied for first place. But Braveheart has everything anyone would ever want in a movie, love, action, comedy, drama, suspense. All of it. And of course the fact that I love me a good revenge story, and this is the mother of all revenge movies. This puts it up there.


Jimmy Stewart, my favorite actor. Alfred Hitchcock, my favorite director. Anyone that likes either of these people, and has never seen Rear Window, I urge you to watch it. This is one of the movies I show to everyone, and everyone loves it. I recently showed this to my 12 year old nephew who is now obsessed with this movie and watches it constantly. No movie in the history of all of them that I have watched, made me get up off the comfort of my chair, and seriously and literally make me sit on the edge of my chair, not blinking, holding my breath, in the last 15 minutes of the movie. This is by far, the greatest suspense movie ever made.

Rear Window

And finally, my absolute favorite movie of all time. A Clockwork Orange. This is the most fucked, weird, strangest, awesome, words can go on forever, movie ever made. To this day, no movie at all, is like it. Even though it is a very, very strange movie, the plot is very simple. Alex is a demented kid, breaking the law, who loves rape, ultra violence, and of course, Ludwig Van. And his droogies turn on him one night, and Alex gets locked in jail, where they are developing a treatment, and Alex gets a deal, they try their new treatment on him, and he can go a free man. The treatment makes Alex get physically sick when he tries to act violent, or gets thoughts of dirty deeds. So they release him back into the world, cured, where he ends up coming face to face with the victims of his past. In every movie I have ever shot, all my short films, there is always a tiny reference to Clockwork somewhere in them. Anyone and everyone should see this movie, especially for the brilliant ending. If you wonder what I mean by how bizarre and weird and insane this movie is, will just watch the trailer and see for yourself....

A Clockwork Orange

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Review: Ratatouille

Anyone that knows me, knows my love for Disney. Pixar is what is holding Disney cartoons together. Lately Disney has just been putting out nothing but terrible half assed cartoons, and direct to video sequels to their classics. Which were terrible as well. But every year or two, Pixar comes along and shows what Disney has to offer. Ratatouille is the new Pixar pic on the block. And it, like all others before, pleases and entertains me.

This ranks pretty high up there too, Cars, Finding Nemo, A Bugs Life were all good, but not as awesome as the likes of Toy Story and The Incredibles. Ratatouille ranks somewhere in between the two. I mean don't get me wrong, being in the middle of Toy Story and Finding Nemo is a great place to be. It just didn't have the awesome factor going for it that The Incredibles did.

Ratatouille is a story about a boy, and his rat. It seems to me that the writer and director, Brad Bird, basically rewrote the movie Willard into a kids cartoon. And hey it works! The rat loves to cook, and the boy has no idea how to, and he works in a kitchen of one of the most famous places to eat in Paris. One day the rat is cooking up and is caught by the boy, and all think the boy is responsible for cooking up this great meal, and now he is forced from being the garbage boy, to being a cook. Since he has no idea how to, he hides the rat inside of his huge chefs hat, and the rat basically controls the boy like a puppet, by tugging his hair, he is able to whip up the best tasting food in Paris. Of course there are other factors in the movie, Remys, the rats, family is against this, because they believe all humans are the enemy and want all rats dead. And of course the boys love interest, the fellow cook in the kitchen.

And of course, this plays out like you would expect it, people find out about the rat, boy and rat have a falling out, boy and girl have a falling out. There is the evil head chef, and the very picky and mean food critic that comes along. But it is still another great Pixar movie. Not as great as Brad Birds last movie, The Incredibles, which definatley needs a sequel. But this movie is definatley up there. I would give this a 4 out of 5 stars. I liked it alot more than Cars, and liked it alot more then Finding Nemo. And of course any kid in the world will go nuts for this movie, as well as adults. This is a pretty short review mainly because well, I am short on time, and also, its a Disney Pixar movie and you pretty much know what you are going to get when you go see it, which is greatness. And I highly recommend you to check this out if you are a Disney Pixar fan on June 29th.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Review: Sicko

Some people hate Michael Moore, some people love Michael Moore. I'm with the love Moore side. The people that hate him think he is anti-american, that he hates the country. Which is wrong, he doesn't hate the country, and he isn't anti-american for making these documentaries about how messed up shit is here. He is simply trying to show everyone what is wrong with the country so we can hopefully make it all better.

Bowling For Columbine made me want to move to Canada. Where it was peaceful, no crazy gun wielding madmen running around shooting up everyone and everything. And if you felt the same as me after seeing that movie, just wait to see how you feel after Sicko.

Sicko is about the American health care system, vs other countries health care systems. We are screwed. Personally, I don't have health care. Life for me is kind of one of those, well hope nothing happens today, things. And of course of my 25 years of life on earth, I have only been in the hospital three times. twice when I was a kid for broken bones, and once for my appendix. So far so good.

Canada, France, and even Cuba look like a much better place to live than American when it comes to health care. If you have to go to the doctor, you pay zero, for your hospital stay? Zero. Shit in France, if you have a baby, the goverment supplies you with a nanny to come do your laundry for you. Thats right, the goverment comes and does your laundry. Not only do you not half to pay for going to the hospital, you get paid back! Meaning if you had to take a taxi, to get to the hospital, the hospital will pay you back for the money you had to pay the taxi driver, and then pay you more money so you can get a ride home! Compared to here, where if a homeless person goes to a hospital, and obviously cant pay the bills, the hospital puts them in a taxi, and drops them off on a side walk outside of a shelter, wow thanks hospital. Speaking of homeless, in Sicko we learn that a poor person in France, will live longer, and healthier, than the richest person in America. Pretty fucked up to me.

My favorite part of this movie is when Moore is over in Canada and France and is asking people what they paid, and everyone just looks at him funny and laughs at him. He also interviews Americans that moved to France and over there, people achieve in one week, life managment wise, what people spend their entire lives here trying to achieve. Also, and lastly on the France topic, the doctors in France are still paid greatly, live in million dollar homes, drive nice cars, but how do they make more than the other? Well in France, the more people a doctor saves, gets to stop smoking, helps them out, then the more they are paid.

The sadest part of the movie are people that watched their love ones die from not getting care, someone needed a bone marrow transplant, found out his brother was a perfect match, but the insurance company they had wouldn't approve of it, because they said it was an "experimental opperation" well that guy that needed the transplant, a husband and a father wound up dying. So even if you do have health care, you're still gonna be screwed. I could go on forever about parts of this movie, but then of course I would end up giving it all away, so I will share one more part of this movie that really made me think. You might have seen it in the trailer, when Moore takes the 9-11 rescue workers over to Gauntanamo Bay, because over there, in the prison, Al Quaida and all others, are getting free health care! The people behind the attacks on 9-11 are getting better treatment from our goverment than we are. So Moore takes the workers into Cuba for medical care, and they get it, because even in Cuba, it is free. And the workers got more care in one week for free, than they did here in 5 years after paying thousands.

Is this a good movie? Yes. Is it anti-american? No. It is simply pointing out our flaws in our health care system, and hoping it changes some time. And if I had the money to do so, I would be France bound, maybe then I could finally find out how to say my damn last name properly, and would never have to listen to another person get it wrong again.

Not American Idol, but BETTER!

I have a confession. I love American Idol rip-offs. Well, some of them at least. Let me start by saying, I never got into American Idol. The show to me, is lame. Anyone can sing. I went to high school with a guy who was a good friend and he could sing as good as anyone who's been on that show. I worked with a girl who sang better then Carrie Underwood and others, she even sang at football games and such, but she never persued it which is why she's not a star. Is it easy to sing? No, but it's not hard per say either. For me the major problem with Idol is that it doesn't produce real stars. There are no Elton John's being discovered on American Idol. The best person to come from Idol is Kelly Clarkson and while she's got some decent pop stuff, you can make a pop star out of ANYONE.

That's why American Idol sucks. It's been on for about 50 years now and has made one bankable star. That's pathetic. It's just fat black girls and gay guys singing. Sorry, not my cup of tea. That said, it has created a genre of TV that IS enjoyable. While not all American Idol rip-offs are created equal, I'm looking at you, So You Think You Can Dance? Some are actually great. Here's my favorites:

America's Got Talent
The show that re-ignited David Hasselhoff's career, AGAIN! Why is this show entertaining? Because it's a variety show at the very core. You see jugglers, ventriloquists, singers, dancers, magicians and plenty of other oddities. That said, this show's main problem is the singers. I hate it when singers come on, because they should be on Idol, IMO. Last years competition was won by some 12 year old, who could sing, but I thought it was bogus. Plenty of better acts probably should have won. That's the real downfall of the show is that plenty of Idol castoffs end up on the program. In between that drivel though, you get guys who can sing and play guitar, some incredible bands like the 16 year old rockabilly band from last week, and some talented magicians. Even the occasional wonky act has it's charm. Bobby Badfingers from last year stands out to me as someone who was entertaining in a "I've never seen that" kind of fashion. Quick Change was a magical act from last year that you've likely NEVER seen anything like. This year hasn't quite produced the unique acts of last year, but we have seen some good ones. Sharon Osbourne replaces last year's weak judge Brandy, but I'm not sure if Sharon is really worth her weight. She's a bit of a drama queen. At least she's better then Brandy. Jerry Springer has replaced Regis Philbin and has been doing a great job.

American Inventor
Of all the Idol rip-offs, this one is probably my favorite. Why? Because at the end of the day, last year's winner actually had a GREAT invention that could save lives. That alone makes it better then anything Idol has ever produced. What truly makes this show great though is that there aren't any jokesters. On Idol and all the other shows, people show up in wacky outfits, do bad singing or dancing, just to get on TV. Not here. The people that show up with some of these lamebrain inventions are truly and completely... INSANE! I kid you not. Insane people show up to the show. This week had a man who wears copper on his head to sleep. Among other places. He honestly believed it made him healthy. He was of course, completely bonkers, but he wasn't an "act" like so many of the people on Idol are. The show has been retooled this year with new judges, including George Foreman who's too nice to really be effective. There have also been some pretty novel ideas come through and the stories are great. When someone gets voted off on this show and they cry, it's because it's REAL. Some of these people have thousands of dollars invested in their product. Whereas on Idol, the waterworks routine is just that, a routine. To truly invent something great, you have to be a thinker and that's why this show is the best. It's too boring for some and not a huge ratings hit, but for my money it's the best entertainment out there.

The Next Best Thing
This show has proven to be a ratings hit. Basically it's a impersonator competition. This doesn't have the depth of American Inventor, nor the wide range of acts as America's Got Talent, but it does feature lots of impersonations. Good and bad. The odd thing to me about this show is that lots of acts I think are good, they axe. Whereas some I think are just okay, they pass through. Regardless there is a pair of guys doing a BRILLIANT Honeymooners routine and you really feel like they are Art Carney and Jackie Gleason stepping out of a time machine. This is good mindless TV.

So there you have it. Some summer "Idol Rip-Offs" that are actually a billion times better then Idol itself. Every show that Simon Cowell produces has to have a snarky British guy, but oddly enough to me Piers Morgan and David Jones are MUCH more appealing then Simon. They aren't really doing a Simon impersonation, instead they are being more genuine. Simon is basically a parody of himself these days and thankfully they aren't doing a parody of him. Of course it does seem that way when they are all the mean judges, but at least they have their own twist to it.

I suggest you watch these shows. Besides, it's not like there is much else on during the summer.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Random Villains Most Anticipated Movies For The Rest Of 07!

Well.... we are about half way through the year, almost all of the big summer blockbusters have come and gone. And only a couple remain. So the big question is, whats left? Well I have compiled a list of the top 10 movies that I am really looking forward to for the rest of the year. And yes they are in order of 10 being "would really like to see opening day" to 1 being "nothing on the face of the planet will keep me from seeing immediatley." So on ward!!!!

10. Saw IV

The Saw series has been really good. The only good horror movie franchise of late that has consitently delivered the goods. Ive been really please so far with all of the Saw movies. Many of you, even myself wondered, what in the hell can possibly happen, Jigsaw died in Saw III. Well I wondered that too but then I also thought to myself, this is Saw, they will come up with a clever idea on how to keep it going. From what I have heard in Saw III they left little hints here and there about how a Saw IV could come to be. So we shall see.

As a continuation of "Saw III," Jeff must find his daughter and escape the building to which they are confined before they both die. After finding another tape of Jigsaw, Jeff realizes there may be a newly added piece of the puzzle that he must decipher before it's too late.

Release Date:
October 26

9. Live Free or Die Hard

Any man, or even woman, on the face of the planet will agree, or agree somewhat. That Die Hard is the best action movie ever made. What is annoying is the people that bitch about new Die Hard movies, new Rambo, new Rocky, new sequels to any old school awesome movies, because the actors are too old. Well all I gotta say is I would rather see a 50/60 year old Stallone, Willis, Ford, Ahnuld kicking the shit out of guys playing the characters that we grew up watching, than see some hack actor play another XXX or have to sit through another shitty CGI filled crap fest of action movies that we get these days. Honestly name one really awesome hardcore balls to the fuckin wall action movie that has come out the past 5 years that will live on forever like these movies have. The only thing that I am jaded about with this movie is its PG-13 rating. Then of course I think about how movies are rated these days, and R rated movies from back then are pretty much PG-13 rated now.

An attack on the vulnerable United States computer infrastructure begins to shut down the entire nation. The mysterious figure behind the shattering scheme has figured out every digital angle - but he never figured an old-fashioned, "analog" fly-in-the-ointment: John McClane.


Release Date: June 27

8. Transformers

The heavily debated, Transformers. Like any kid from the 80s, I was raised on Transformers. Had all the toys, the VHS cartoons, pajamas, bed sheets, lunch box, had it all. Many people have debated this movie, mainly due to the fact that Michael Bay directed it, and lately he hasn't impressed anyone much. But many also forget that Steven Spielberg is the executive producer, and if you look at his executive producing credits, he does impress alot more than he lets us down. Goonies anyone? Also Bay does have it in him to make an awesome movie, see a perfect example in, The Rock. Hopefully this will live up to my expectations, and not make me want to rip my eyes out.

Our world will be transformed on July 4 when aliens make Earth their final battleground in "Transformers." As the forces of evil seek the key to ultimate power, our last chance for survival rests in the hands of young Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf).


Release Date: July 2

7. Run, Fatboy, Run

Not much is known about this flick, other than the fact that it stars Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Spaced) And as long as he is in it, I am so fucking there.

"Run, Fatboy, Run" centers on a charming but oblivious overweight guy who leaves his fiancee on their wedding day only to discover years later that he really loves her. To win her back, he must finish a marathon while making her realize that her handsome, wealthy fiance is the wrong guy for her.


Release Date:
September 28

6. Halloween

Sigh... Halloween. God am I dreading this movie. Halloween, the first one, the real one, is my favorite horror movie of all time. It started them all, without Michael Myers there would be no Jason, no Freddy, no nothing. This past weekend I even went to the neighborhood where they filmed the first Halloween. Its sequels had there ups (H20) and their downs, (Do I really even need to name which Halloween sequel it is here?) And on top of that, man of my favorite horror movies, like When A Stranger Calls and The Hitcher, were both remade into complete shit fests. But they didn't have Rob Zombie at the helm. I was very against this movie, hated it, wanted nothing to do with it. Pissed off at how dare they touch my beloved Halloween!! Then I saw the trailer, and it blew my fucking mind. I was impressed, and now I really want to see it, for the main factor being, its Michael Myers, on the big screen. Also the cast rules, mainly for Malcolm McDowell.

While revealing a new chapter in the established Michael Myers saga, the film will surprise both classic and modern horror fans with a departure from prior films in the Halloween franchise. Audiences should brace themselves for unprecedented fear as Zombie turns back time to uncover the making of a pathologically disturbed, even cursed child named Michael Myers.


Release Date: August 31

5. I Am Legend

Good ol Will Smith. He is very hit and miss with me, hated the Pursuit Of Happyness for the main reason being that it is the most depressing shit I have ever watched in my entire life. Then of course theres Wild Wild West. I also didn't really care for the Men In Black movies. But he is a good actor, and sometimes he comes out with some good stuff. This movie has a really awesome plot, and the trailer worked for me. Very different looking movie than from what we are normally fed from the studios every summer. Hopefully this will live up to its expectations.

Robert Neville (Will Smith) is a brilliant scientist, but even he could not contain the terrible virus that was unstoppable, incurable, and man-made. Somehow immune, Neville is now the last human survivor in what is left of New York City and maybe the world.


Release Date:
December 14

4. There Will Be Blood

Mother fuckin PTA. Paul Thomas Anderson. Who never does any wrong, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, and Punch Drunk Love are all up in my favorites of all time. Hes been MIA for awhile but now is back with this little diddy. The trailer is odd, but hey, its PTA. What do you expect?

A sprawling epic about family, greed, corruption, and the pursuit of the American dream. Set in the booming West coast oil fields at the turn of the 20th century, "There Will Be Blood" follows the rise of rugged prospector Daniel Plainview (Day-Lewis) who becomes an independent oilman after hitting it rich with the strike of a lifetime. Written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, the film is inspired by Upton Sinclair's novel "Oil!"


Release Date: December

3. Superbad

Loved me some Knocked Up. Best movie of 07 so far in my eyes. And this movie comes from the same people. The trailer is hilarious, the actors are great. And the people behind this movie, and Knocked Up are doing what I have hoped and prayed for, bringing back classic comedy movies. Showing shit like Scary Movie and all those other pieces of crap how its done.

"Superbad" revolves around two co-dependent high school seniors (Hill and Cera) who set out to score alcohol for a party, believing that girls will then hook up with them and they will be ready for college. But as the night grows more chaotic, overcoming their separation anxiety becomes a greater challenge than getting the girls.


Release Date: August 17

2. Trick 'r Treat

I know damn near nothing about this flick, but what I have heard, and have seen, rock my face off. The production stills are fuckin amazing. The poster for this is the coolest looking poster I have seen in a long time. Also it centers on my favorite holiday there is, Halloween.

It is said that Halloween is the night when the dead rise to walk among us and other unspeakable things roam free. The rituals of All Hallows Eve were devised to protect us from their evil mischief, and one small town is about to be taught a terrifying lesson that some traditions are best not forgotten. Nothing is what it seems when a suburban couple learns the dangers of blowing out a Jack-o-Lantern before midnight; four women cross paths with a costumed stalker at a local festival; a group of pranksters goes too far and discovers the horrifying truth buried in a local legend; and a cantankerous old hermit is visited by a strange trick-or-treater with a few bones to pick. Costumes and candy, ghouls and goblins, monsters and mayhem... the tricks and treats of Halloween turn deadly as strange creatures of every variety—human and otherwise—try to survive the scariest night of the year.

Release Date: October 5

1. The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

Last, and not least, THE KING OF KONG. I love me a good documentary. Because the shit is real. Real people, real things in their lives, going down. Being a video game nerd, this movie is my most anticipated for the rest of 07 that there is. I know the feeling of having a high score on a video game, only to see it broken and having to do what I can to reclaim that top spot. These guys take it to an all new level. (cue You're The Best from Karate Kid music here)

A middle-school science teacher and a hot sauce mogul vie for the Guinness World Record on the arcade classic, Donkey Kong.

In 1982, LIFE Magazine assembled the world's greatest gamers for a photo shoot that would become the center spread of their 1982 Year-In-Photos edition. Billy Mitchell, who would later be named the "Gamer of the Century," was one of the invitees.

Mitchell, the World Record holder on Centipede, had been tracking the score on Donkey Kong, and knew he could take that title as well. In front of the 20 best gamers in the world, Billy scored 874,300 points, a record many thought would never be broken.

In 2003, 35 year old family man Steve Wiebe, after losing his job at Boeing, found solace in Donkey Kong. Steve stumbled upon Billy Mitchell's record online, and set out to break it. He began perfecting his game every night after his wife and kids went to bed, and not only surpassed Billy's record, but ended up with a thought-to-be-impossible 1,000,000 points.

A tidal wave of media coverage followed, and Steve Wiebe quickly became a celebrity in his hometown of Seattle, WA. He also rediscovered his love for teaching, and regained the respect of all who once doubted him. Meanwhile, back in Hollywood, FL, Billy Mitchell hatched a plan to reclaim his fallen Donkey Kong record…

In the months that followed, Steve and Billy engaged in a cross-country duel to see who could set the high score that would be included in the 2007 Guinness World Records' book and become The King of Kong. Along the way, both men learned valuable lessons about what it means to be a father, a husband, and a true champion… discovering that you don't always need to win to be a winner.


Release Date:
August 17 limited

Monday, June 18, 2007

Fantastic Start for Silver Surfer

The Silver Surfer, it turns out, doesn't just rise; he rakes in millions. And he may have earned his own spinoff as well.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer breezed to the top spot at the weekend box office with $57.4 million, according to estimates from box-office trackers Nielsen EDI.

The haul is about $7 million more than projections, and Surfer managed what few films this summer have: improve commercially and critically on the original.

The 2005 Fantastic Four made its debut at $56.1 million and went on to earn $154 million.

In addition, analysts say, Silver Surfer took steps to distance itself from the dreadfully reviewed original. The film:

Added a hero. Most sequels introduce new villains, but this film added someone to root for in the Surfer. "He's not as iconic as, say, Spider-Man, but he's a beloved figure," says Gitesh Pandya of "That made it seem like two superhero movies in one, which is unusual."

Dropped a rating. The original movie was PG-13, while Surfer is PG, a rare move for a franchise. "This is about the only comic-book series not looking to get darker," says Blair Butler of the G4TV network, which caters to comic and video-game fans. "That makes it one of the few family-oriented comic-book movies."

•Stepped up the action. The beef with the 2005 film was its lack of fight scenes. Silver Surfer has "much more going on," Pandya says. It "played more like a disaster film. That's smart for summer."

Executives at 20th Century Fox and Marvel Studios knew they were on to something when the trailer became an online hit. They are now discussing a spinoff for the character, embodied by Doug Jones and voiced by Laurence Fishburne.

"He's a mysterious character with a back story we could only touch on," director Tim Story says. "There's a reason he has been around (in comics) for 40 years."

No other film came close to Silver Surfer, though several movies performed respectably. Ocean's Thirteen held reasonably well in its second weekend, dropping 47% to $19.1 million for No. 2. Knocked Up fell only 26% and took in $14.5 million in its third weekend.

The only other major newcomer, Nancy Drew, earned $7.1 million and seventh place, slightly below projections.

Ticket sales were up 6% from last weekend, but dipped 2% from the same weekend last year. Final figures are due today.

Portions of this article were taken from A.P. and USAtoday.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Chicks dig Nintendo!

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Nintendo is good for your game. I don't mean your video game, I mean your "getting laid" game. If you ever hear a guy say the word "Playstation", it's almost always followed by a groan from the females in the room. Let's face it, Playstation is for nerds. Since the PS2 came on the market, girls have been disgusted with video games. To them, Playstation translates to guys hunched over, playing Final Fantasy or Madden and spending hours of their lives being nerds. That's right, Playstation doesn't get women. Walk into a room full of chicks and tell them you've been playing Playstation all day. See how many wanna come back to your crib and play with you. The answer will be none.

So what makes Nintendo different? It all started with the original NES. That was a system that reached out to more then just guys. If you are in your mid to late 20's, your girlfriend probably owned a Nintendo. That was step one. Along came the DS and it became step 2. There are 400 MILLION, DS systems sold worldwide. How many people are there in the world? A couple billion? Almost everyone has a DS at this point. Guess what that means? Girls play the DS. I know this from personal experience. Lots of ladies love the DS.

Nintendo knew they were onto something so they created the Wii. The Wii is breaking boundaries that even the DS didn't. Old people are playing the Wii. But what's even more fascinating, is the WOMEN are playing the Wii. If you walk into a bar, tell some girls your having a Wii party, you might be surprised they WILL come with you. Now don't go home and pop in Zelda (you nerd), but you can play any of the Wii party games including the Mario titles.

Check out this recent article, Wii Gaming Parties (wrote by a woman) about the trend of Wii hot spots popping up. Fight clubs, Tennis tournaments, bowling leagues. ALL on the Wii. Guess who's showing up to these events? Not the Sony Fanboys/Star Trek nerds, but actual living, breathing, SKINNY, GIRLS! Women. Chicas! That's right, chicks dig the Wii.

So for the first time in the history of video gaming, you finally can talk to girls about games. You can get them to play games. Just make sure you have one of Nintendo's little white systems and you might actually be able to play video games and get LAID because of it.

Friday, June 15, 2007

WWE Hall of Famer Sherri Martel Passes Away reports the passing of WWE Hall of Famer Sherri Martel, real name Sherri Russel today.

A former WWF and AWA Women's champion, Martel is probably best remembered for her role of one of the best female heel managers of all time during her 1990s WWF run, working alongside Shawn Michaels, Ted DiBiase, and Randy Savage, among others.

Moving to World Championship Wrestling in 1994, Martel worked on top with Ric Flair during his feud with Hulk Hogan before moving on to manage The Harlem Heat tag team.

Martel was inducted into the WWF Hall of Fame in Chicago during Wrestlemania 22 weekend and still made semi-regular appearances at conventions and media events. Jakks Pacific had just released a Classic Superstars action figure in her honor.

Martel was only 49 years old.

We here at Ultra Entertainment send our thoughts and condolences to Sherri's family and friends.

New Batman Suit!

Entertainment Weekly has a first look at Christian Bale's costume in The Dark Knight. Here's a larger photo, in case you want to peer closer at the detail on Batman's forearms (the razors are "retractable, and yep, they're weapons") and the "200 individual pieces of rubber, fiberglass, and nylon and metallic mesh" used to make the suit.

I think it look's awesome, and just goes to show the impact Chris Nolan is having on the franchise.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Review: Send Away The Tigers & Neon Bible

Typically I keep my musical tastes to myself, as wide and various as they are, but every once in a while I stumble upon something so good I can't keep it to myself. In this instance, I have two CDs I want the world to know about, if they don't already.

The first, titled: Send Away the Tigers, is the 8th album from Welsh rockers, Manic Street Preachers. Two singles from the album, (both my favorites) Your Love is Not Enough & Autumnsong, have already found critical acclaim, as well as shooting to the tops of the UK charts. It wasn't until I got a hold of this album that I had even heard of the band, and now that I have, I've managed to get my hands on every song they've ever produced. Over the 8 albums they've created, their sounds have changed from a Brit-Punk, to more of a up tempo alternative rock. I gotta say though, of all their albums, I'm loving this one the most.

The 2nd album, Neon Bible by, is the sophomore album from critically acclaimed Candian rockers, Arcade Fire. The band, hailing from Quebec was founded in 2003 by the husband and wife team Win Butler and RĂ©gine Chassagne. David Bowie heard the band while on tour and brought them to the attention of label owners. Still without a major label backing, the success of the band and the album Funeral has been acclaimed as an Internet phenomenon. After a 9.7 rating from Pitchfork, Merge Records sold out their inventory of Funeral and it became the label's first album in the Billboard 200 chart.

On March 6th, 2007 the band released Neon Bible (I was there to buy it as soon as the doors opened) and immediately the album started getting rave reviews everywhere. I feel like the band is still pretty well unknown to the general population, as you won't see them on MTV, but hey, I'd rather listen to a band who made the cover of TIME magazine any day...

Monday, June 11, 2007

RV's Live Raw Review: 6-11-07

Alright kiddies, llive Raw review time. What is a live Raw review you ask? Well I review and give my thoughts on whats happening on Raw, as I watch it. So beware! Many typos and shitty grammar will follow, because I am watching TV and typing at the same time ya ass!
Ok, first time watching Raw in over 2 months, its starting now, here we go!
Vince is reading his speech, blah blah blah.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Cena.
Woooo!!!!!!!!! Edge!!!!!!!!
I can not, fucking, stand Cena. He is the MAIN reason that after years and years, of being a huge WWE fan and watching Raw religiously that I STOPPED watching this shit, fucking Cena is a talentless piece of shit, and Edge is greatness. This match is pointless, Cena will win, nobody apparently can beat him, so fuck it. I call it right now, Cena wins.
HAHAHAH WOW IM WRONG! Edge wins by countout! Fuck it, Ill take it! Any Cena loss, is a good loss. Why? Because Edge has wrestling smarts, and Cena fucking blows!
WTF is happening to the screen? This is weird, Im scared. Uh, The Great Khali drafted to Smackdown, wasnt he just on Smackdown a couple months ago? Yay?Fucking GAY. Hopefully no douche bag had The Great Khali in his Raw e fed cause now hes screwed and even a bigger loser for having that guy as an e fed character than he is for even playing that shit in the first place.
Hey look the castrol gtx commercial! With Goldberg! No, not the wrestler, the dude in the car in the drive thru that gets the oil dumped on him is in fact, Goldbgerg from The Mighty Ducks! I shit you not.
Ahhhh back when Vince was announcing, back when Raw was good and interesting. Loved it. I remember in those days I QUIT my job at Blockbuster because they were gonna make me work a Monday night. Fuck that. Jesse The Body. Fuckin awesome, god damn sexual tyranosaurus. Night of champions at Vengeance, also known as, still wont order it. So fuck it. Main event is... something weird that I dont get since I kinda blocked Coach out. Uh oh Raw vs ECW time. Here comes CM Punk AKA The Most Overrated Piece Of Shit. Seriously wtf is up with people going ape shit for that guy, he sucks.
OH SHIT PRINCE COMMERCIAL!! FUCK YES PRINCE RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boo yaa, now go jump in the waters of lake minnitonka to get purified bitches, i want to see asses, i, want, perfection.
Uh oh Carlito vs CM Hack. OH DUDE FUCKIN STRAIGHT EDGE IS THE WAY TO FUCKIN BE CAUSE ITS SO HARDCORE!! DURRRRRRRRR blow me. Carlito, underused. Could be doing huge mathes bigger angles but instead hes doing shit all the time. Take a nap during this match. I wonder if this Socko energy drink is the drink that Eric Bischoff and Jason Hervey put together. Yes, Im serious, Bischoff and yes THAT Jason Hervery of Wonder Years and Monster Squad fame, made an energy drink. Ill try it, I like me a good energy drink sometimes. Why the fuck does CM Punk have the pepsi logo tattooed on him? Dont tell me it means something else, or its actually something else, at first glance by anyone, its the fucking pepsi logo. And just like CM Punk himself, pepsi fucking blows, coke rules its face off. WTF was that Sting in the audience? HEY STINGER STING THIS! CM Punk will win.... ugh. Yep. Well whoever gets drafted to ECW can kiss their careers goodbye. And say hello to TNA. ROFLMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO OEFJSFJDSKFLHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA BYE BOOGEYMAN, NICE HAVIN YA IN WWE. Tell Christian I said hi when youre released or quit and go to TNA. This Boogeyman shit is the worst gimmick since the fuckin Goobley Gooker shit. Darth Maul should kick his ass for taking his make up job.
WTF Snoop Dogg? Jimmy Bones is that you!?!
Mmmmmmm taco bell. Those new quesadillas are so good, I think I might have to get one tomorrow for lunch, or do some Burger King and get one of the new western whoppers, cause I like western, and i like whoppers, and when the two come together, OH MAN.
Vince made out with Trish, lucky fucker. YOURRRRRRRRE FIREEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDD. Vince used to kick so much ass, now hes boring. Blagh. Oh shit Montreal Screw job!!!!!! Foley time. blah blah blah, I always lose matches, blah blah blah, but Im still cool and write good books. Id love to see Foley have a title run, of course never happen, but hey, still would be nice. Thank god there is no Hulk Hogan on tonight, so fuckin sick of him. And wtf is Foley talking about, Bischoff was already on talking about Vince? Wasnt he? Well that was boring.
Yay pointless match, Balls vs Umaga, gee, I wonder who will win, well Smackdown got a pick, ECW got a pick, so obviously Raw will win this match, fucking retarded, WWE sucks. I hate onions. So who will be the pick?? DUNNNNN DUN DUN DUN THE PICK IS..............ROFWAFFLS great, Booker T. Yay.
Oh goodie Benoit vs Lashley... ugh. Hate them both, Benoit is a great wrestler but fucking bores me, and Lashley AKA Negoberg AKA Black Lesner sucks balls. WTF SteveO? Oh yeah, his new show, time to pimp his show, blagh. Great. Cant wait for that shit. Fucks sake. yay, black lesner wins. ugh. So who else is going to ECW to fade away and die? LMFAFOEOOFEOFAFAOFEOFOEOFEOEOO BENOIT TO ECW! SAY HI TO TNA BENOIT!!! Uhhh Mae Young and Moolah? Undressing...... what in the blue hell are the doing?? I wish a hand would come out or something, they need to revisit that angle. Ugh, another shitty match that I dont care about.
Oh shit the Iron Shiek and Superfly!! BRAHDA! Iron Shiek has a shit load of medals. Does anyone understand a full sentence that he says? Play raquetball? What in the hell? Uh yay, Torrie is going to Smackdown. This is the WORST fucking draft ever, fucking stupid pointless annoying moronic wrestlers that do nothing an have zero fucking impact on any brand are being drafted, how about some HUGE fucking drafts? Boogeyman, Torrie, Booker T, Khali, WOW HUGE DRAFTS HAPPENING TONIGHT! Ugh, atleast Bret Hart, the greatest wrestler ever in my pov is up next.
Ok that was kinda lame, he just wants to hit him? OH FOR THE FUCK OF CUM, THE MIZ. I FUCKING QUIT. FUCK THIS HORSE SHIT, THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN CENA IS THE FUCKING MIZ. OH FOR THE CHRIST OF ALL MIGHTY SNITSKY. ugh.... this has gone from bad to SHIT. ugh, this Raw is the same ol shit so far. These drafts are fucking pathetic. Wow, Chris Masters, yay....
Well atleast Roddy Pipper is here. Anything involving him is cool. Too bad hes not always on, too bad all these people appearing like Hart, Piper, Snuka, Shiek, arent being drafted, and instead TORRIE IS GOING TO SMACKDOWN!!! OMFGGG CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!? ...........
OH WOW CANDICE VS SHARMELL MATCH OF THE CENTURY!!! God damn I cant wait till this is over, so far, I have no intention of watching next week.
Oh good John Cena in a race car hopefully he fucking crashes and dies. Oh good here comes Jeff Hardy.... Elijah Burke AKA WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? Yay. Piss break. Batista, yay. God damn this sucks. Hey some black dude just jumped out of the crowd and pulled Jeff leg, oh wait thats the Burke guy. Uh oh whos goin to Smackdown? WOOOO RIC FLAIR .... yay. When the hell did Batista and Flair become best friends? Right on Super Mario is coming up! I mean, Captain Lou. Yeah. SUPER MARIO BROS SUPER SHOW! YO! ITS THE MARIO BROTHERS, AND PLUMMINGS OUR GAME! Is it just me or does Captain Lou look like someone Chris Hansen would bust?
Dusty Rhodes lisp mania time. Mean Gene time now.. .blah blah blah. This is boring, blah.
Battle Royal time, by the way, THE NEW BREED is the worst fucking name for a stable EVER. The New Breed of SHIT? Why is Eugene a fucking Superhero? Why the fuck did Henry just throw his own guy out? Tracy Morgan dressed as Apollo is the best thing to happen on the USA channel in years. Ok so this is the worst battle royal ever, smackdown guys are trying to throw each other out. This makes ZERO fucking sense. Uh oh, Orton time baybeh!!! RKO TIME!!! DO IT!!! Hardy is goin over the rope right now, here it comes.... hehehehehe here it comes! HAHAAAA KNEW IT. PWNED. HEYYY NOTHING YOU CAN SAYYYY NOTHINGS GONNA CHANGE WHAT YOU DONE TO MEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Tee fucking hee Raw is boring as fuck. Uh oh last draft pick....... who is coming to Raw?
Fucking Snitsky.............
what in the fuck?
RAW HAS JUST GOT..........
Now if every pick was like that, then Raw woulda kicked major ass tonight. Oh well. Now on with this HUGE CRAZY ENDING that everyones been telling me about. Did Stone Cold say he filled Vinces convertable up with semen? Stone Cold should look at the box office numbers, realize hell never be a movie star, and come back and wrestle. Ok well Vince is out now, whats gonna happen now.... he has that fucking look in his eyes like Backlund had when Hart beat him at Mania and was saying LIGHT!!!! I SEE LIGHT!!!!!!!!! AHAHHA god damn the good ol days ruled. Ok so Vince says thank you and drops the mic....... Does the Backlund look....... Ok so, the big huge ending is apparently.... Vince doing nothing, literally? This was seriously the most idiotic, pointless, random, weird, fucked, stupid, shit, ever. There better be something else cause that was just stupid. Ok theres more.... of him walking and looking like Backlund...... uh ok then. DAMN. Yeah your limo is that way....... uhhhhhhhhhhhh................. Vince is walking like he has the shitty walk, ran out of toilet paper or something. What, in the name of dog shit is happening? ROFLMFAOFORFRLFKWAFFLESSSSSSSSSZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Friday, June 8, 2007

Review: Oceans 13

I love me some Oceans movies. The first one I worship. I got the soundtrack which is rocked frequently. And the movie is quoted freely. I have bits and pieces all memorized. I really love that movie alot. Along comes the 2nd movies. Sigh.... They tried to do something really different with it, and even though it was still somewhat cool and had a cool premise. It really fell flat and left a bitter taste in my mouth. Was not pleased, as much as I tried and tried to love it as much as the first, I only kinda liked it, for the main reason that it was an Oceans movie. Thankfully word comes of the third movie, and I hoped for the best, what did I get?

The best! As much as I love the first movie, I love this just as much, if not more. The plot is awesome, the twists and turns all perfect. And shit, it even has Super Dave in it!! Super Dave!! Gone is Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta Jones. They sit this one out, and its explained very simple and easy in just a couple lines in the beginning of the movie. And they are not missed, this is the guys this time, doing what they do best. So whats this greatness about? Very mild spoilers abound.....

Reuben (Elliot Gould) has somewhat of a heart attack or so, after being extremely screwed over by Mr. Banks (Al Pacino) and is in a very deep depression. So like the trailer says, you cross one Ocean, you cross them all. So along comes the rest of the crew, ready to get some revenge for poor Reuben. Their plan? Not to get rich, as from all their schemes and robberies they are well off. For awhile. Their plan is to make Mr. Banks casino lose all its money from people winning, they have to rig the slots, the blackjack, the roulette, everything, all to win. They got alot they gotta take care of in order to accomplish this, and spend much money doing so, and when a big piece of equipment that is crucial to their plan, costing 36 million dollars. They run dry, and their hopes of revenge dim, until good ol Matt Damon comes along and has an idea, which they are not keen on. They go to the one man that they know has money, Terry Benedict(Andy Garcia). Well he hates them, for the obvious reasons, but he hates Mr. Banks even more, because he is competition and wants to see him fail miserably. So he joins the crew this time, but can he be trusted? This is the ultimate time for him to get his revenge on them from the first movie. There is many new things that are great in this movie, all the characters are given more play time, Scott Caan and Casey Affleck damn near steal the show with their tiny subplot involving a plant that makes dice down in Mexico, hilarious stuff. And of course a really nice shot at Brad Pitt from George Clooney, at the end of the movie. Just listen to the line about kids. You should get it. CoughAngelinaAdoptionMadnessCough.

I do not want to say too much, because I don't want to give anything away, but if you like the Oceans movies, or even if you loved the first but hated the second movie, you will like or love this. Or even if you didn't like the first two movies, you might just like this and it will change your mind. Of course this is a must, a big must! You really need to watch the first two movies to really get a feel and understanding for all these characters.

So, the big one. This is part three of the movies. There are so far, alot of part threes this year, we got Spidey 3, Pirates 3, Shrek 3, Oceans 3. So the big question people are asking, which is the best of the 4? I give you my list... In order from worst, to best....

4. Shrek 3
3. Spidey 3
2. Pirates 3.
and that only leaves...
1. Oceans Thirteen. The best of them all.

Go see this, do what I did, I had me an Oceansathon. Watched 11 last night, 12 earlier today, and capped it off with 13. I hope they bring it on with a 14, but I feel like this is it for them. And if so they ended it on a perfect note.

The Man Reviews: Hostel 2

USAtoday reports that: "Porn-torture is what passes for horror these days, and Hostel gleefully pushes the envelope. If this movie is any indication, Roth's career goal is to make a snuff film."

That my friends, is a spot on observation. I have never been much of a fan of these types of horror movies. The slasher flick never really did it for me, as I would more often than not find myself exasperated with the lead character's stupidity, or the general cheesiness of the murderer. Freddy Krueger...Jason Vorhees...Michael Myers...those types never held much ground for me. That being said, I went in to the murder/mayhem types expecting to maybe be scared by a movie for the first time since The Blair Witch Project...

This new genre of movies has really hit the scene after the SAW franchise took off, and Eli Roth was good to pick up on that cue, and write Hostel. I watched the first Hostel by myself, in the middle of the day, and to be honest...I thought it sucked. The acting was disastrous, the gore was gratuitous, and the plot was weak and full of more holes than swiss cheese. I wasn't once scared watching that movie, though my gag reflex was put to the test with a number of scenes...and I found myself squirming worse than the time I watched Unfaithful with my mother...Anyways, on to Hostel 2.

The trailers were the first thing to peak my interest, with promises of hot chicks getting down in a hot tub. Who doesn't want to see Slovakian H.L.A.? I know I do. Too bad that whole scene lasts all of 3 seconds...but that's another story. I decided I'd give Hostel 2 a chance, cuz hey - at least Jay Hernandez isn't in it...WRONG. Gotta love the Friday the 13th style prologue this movie has. PREDICTABLE MUCH, Roth? I guess Eli Roth can thank the guys at the SAW franchise for getting me to watch this movie. I thought, well..SAW 2 and SAW 3 rocked my surely Hostel 2 will bring it. Bring what, you ask? Bring the GORE...the mayhem...and the sick plot twists. Sure, there's a few things that left looking for my barf bag, but hey - that's what it's all about, right? It's supposed to invoke your gag reflex. It's supposed to make you think to yourself "OH FUCK THATS SOME SICK SHIT RIGHT THERE!" Hell, there were times when I considered cutting the surround sound off, because I was worried the neighbors were going to think I was butchering a shrieky Jersey girl down here.

I may not be a big Eli Roth fan, but I'll give him his credit where it's due. He stepped it up with this sequel. I quoted at the beginning, and I won't quote them any further. That little blurb was the nicest thing they had to that should be a perfect indication of what "critics" are going to think of this film. Of course, to each his own...I think you have to be a fan of horror to truly enjoy this film. If anything, it might've helped to rekindle that little flame I still have burning for horror film. Me and Horror ain't been doin so good lately...but Hostel 2 seems to have been the cure for my ailments.

One of the TV spots promises that the movie has the most shocking ending in recent history...I don't know if I necessarily agree with I kinda had the idea that what happens would happen...but when it does happen, It's surprising...and then some. This sequel, unlike it's predecessor sees three American students Beth (Lauren German), Whitney (Bijou Phillips) and Lorna (Heather Matarazzo) who are studying in Rome but take a vacation in, where else, Slovakia...what follows is exactly what you would expect.
If all these things don't sell you on the movie, just say to yourself - "Self, how bad do YOU want to see Heather Matazarro naked?"
Cuz where I stand - THAT - was the most shocking thing in recent film history...

I'm The Man - and as you know by now - That's That.

Close The Border Please

Alright, people gonna probably get pissed about this, but fuck em. The following does not concern every mexican on the planet. When I mention the word "Mexican" I am referring to the retard douche bag illegal fuckhead border jumping wastes of fuckin air. So, onward to the rant....

Ive put up with it for a long time. I live in Phoenix AZ, which is always destination one for Mexicans that jump the border, they have dumbed down the entire state, wasted my fuckin time, caused more than enough problems and are just plain fuckin annoying. And when you ask, what do you mean dumbed down the state and how can you blame Mexicans for this? Well a few months ago it was announced that school wise on tests, Arizona is the dumbest state in the country, while Maine is the smartest state. Now, think of which state is the closest to Mexico, and which one is the farthest. Duh.

So what triggered this rant? I mosey on into work this morning, with some DVDs in hand, see here at my office, while I work, I watch some movies on my portable DVD player. But one thing was odd this morning, my DVD player was GONE. Now usually here we play some jokes, me and my boss, we like to hide each others stuff. So I look around and then send him a message saying, hey I give up, wheres it at? And he says, wheres what? Well after some thinking and looking we realize that one of the janitors stole it, the power cord, the dvd player, gone. And the two things that are obvious about this, well in order to get into our office, you need a key card to swipe to unlock the door, and each card is assigned to one person. Well we checked with security and yep, janitors were last ones in here. On top of that, these stupid Mexican janitors were NEW, and just started yesterday. Worst, thiefs, ever. HEY WERE NEW! LETS STEAL SOME SHIT THEY WONT KNOW ITS US! See, the even more obvious reason why were the dumbest state in the country? Thanks Mexicans.

So now my DVD player is stolen, no DVDs to watch for me today, thanks to some dirty Mexican that I will probably kick the shit out of if I ever meet the person that did this. Cause those that no me well, know that you can fuck around and do alot of retarded shit to me and Im not gonna give a rats ass, but the one thing, that is certain to cause reason for me to beat your ass down, is never, ever, get between me and my movie watching. Thats on the same level as sleeping with another mans wife. If theyre still talking about building that huge wall, do it, put up some fuckin turrets, a moat with some sharks, and kill everything and anything that tries to cross the border. Thanks Mexicans, for making America an annoying and worthless place to live. Go blow some leaves, Im moving to Canada.

They're Kidding Us, Right?


Paris Hilton is out of jail, serving a little over 3 days. She's been given the rest of her term at home, under House Arrest...

The Associated Press reports:

Paris Hilton can still party despite an electronic ankle bracelet that will be a constant reminder that someone is watching.

"House arrest is nothing," said Steve Cron, a criminal defense attorney unconnected to the case. "She can have friends over. She can party all night long."

Hilton, who was sprung from jail Thursday after serving just over three days of a 45-day sentence, will be limited for the remainder of the duration to roaming about 3,000 to 4,000 square feet, said sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore.

The devices allow long distance surveillance by probation officials to keep track of the whereabouts of offenders, but the range should give her free reign in her gated 2,700-square-foot home.

"House arrest for someone like her who doesn't have to work and doesn't have to worry about picking up her clothes at the dry cleaner is not a problem," Cron said. "She can have all her food sent in."

So here's my take on it:

I say leave Paris alone and quit making her "Headline Material". I heard the newscasters on Fox News say that they were tired of seeing videos of Paris and/or pictures of Paris on every station, on every magazine and tabloid cover, and the topic of many radio show conversations. They said they wished she would just go away. Well, the interesting thing is, I don't think Paris is taking all those videos of herself, nor the mulitude of pictures from the constant "stalking" by paparrazi to get pictures of her wherever she goes. So, you see, it is the Media that keeps us up to date on what Paris is doing. Hey Fox News, if you'd stop maligning Paris, you might be able to report on some pertinent news for America. I think she's gone through enough over this DUI probation violation. And, yes, just because her family is wealthy, I think she was made an example of. I think most people out there are both jealous and envious of Paris, her money, and her socialite lifestyle. Afterall, America is full of "wannabes", and I think a lot of these people that are constantly complaining about her would like to "be her" for a day! So, leave Paris alone. Let her serve her time, whether it be in jail, or under house arrest with the "bracelet". And, yes, she lives in a mansion. Her family has made lots of money in the hotel business and other endeavors, so, it's just natural that she live in a mansion. Again, another case of "we'd all like to have our own mansion". So, Americans, gets a grip. Stop focusing on Paris and focus on the real problems in this world.

See related Ultra Entertainment blogs on Paris here: Random Villain Hates Paris Hilton