Saturday, February 28, 2009

Fuck Twitter

Kelly Clarkson... you're okay by me.

See there's a story here, Kelly Clarkson and I have never truly gotten along that well. In fact, a little while ago I would've probably said she was the female pop star who I liked the least, but ya know... times change, and people change, and something magical happened between me and Kelly Clarkson.

Fans of this blog, especially the ones that have stuck around for a while, probably know that I have an eclectic taste in music, usually exhalted and condemned by *cough* certain *cough* other writers here, but music is one of those things, where it shouldn't matter who or what you like, as long as it makes you happy. Music is a lot like love in that regard. Long story short, I like crappy music, I'll admit it, and I don't care because when I listen to it I feel better.

So how did it come to be that I hated Kelly Clarkson? Well, I always liked her on American Idol the first season, I even voted for her for the finale... but then she got all big and got all snotty and turned in to this big diva and when people do that kind of shit when they get famous it pisses me off... so I started to not like Kelly. Then, that Breakaway album came out and I really got so tired of constantly hearing every fucking song on that album everytime I turned on the radio or TV. It was soooo played out. THEN, I'm driving through Memphis right, rush hour traffic, and my roommate decides she wants to listen to some Kelly Clarkson... I had been making her listen to Rufus Wainwright or Bright Eyes I'm sure, so I thought it was fair to give her a turn... and what happens? I'm so disgusted by Kelly and this horrible cd that I got in a god damn wreck. I was bitching about how much it sucked and didn't even see some idiot with a trailer on his truck swerve in front of me and slam on the breaks. So that was it, I had had it with Kelly Clarkson. She was causing too much trouble.

Then a funny thing happened, she kinda fell of the radar, and I watched The 40 Year Old Virgin like 100 times and so her name kinda to me started to be funny. If I thought of Kelly Clarkson, I thought of Steve Carell screaming her name out and it would make me chuckle. Then I started seeing all these pictures of her and she's gotten kinda chubby and that made me laugh too. So Kelly started to work her way back in to my good graces. This week, my roommate got her hands on the new cd and wouldn't shut the fuck up about how awesome it was and how I needed to download and have a listen. So to shut her up, I decided I'd go ahead and give it a listen. I'll pretty much listen to anything anyone tells me to listen to, because I don't want to miss out on something I might like because I thought it sounded lame. Don't judge a book by it's cover sorta thing.
Here's the thing... this new cd is really good. It's kinda Katy Perry-ish. I can see a lot of singles coming off this cd and really probably being one of those summer soundtrack deals. She's not as dark and moody as her last couple albums and that's a good thing. I like the upbeat, up tempo songs. So anyways, I've gone on long enough about this as is, so just go download or buy or w/e this cd and then come back and sound off in the comments if you like it or not!

Friday, February 27, 2009

I'm calling it.

Michelle Obama is the most bangable first lady since Jackie Kennedy, and that ain't saying much. For some reason all the news outlets are freaking out right now over this picture, her first official portrait from the White House. I guess I should mention it's a Michael Kors dress, which if you had told me she was wearing Michael Kors I would've assumed it was a black blazer and blue denims.... but what do I know? And yes I went from talking about banging this broad to commenting on her fashion. That's how we roll at Devon Lohan.

Diddy needs to get the fuck off Twitter.

So you know I recently started twittering, and so far it's been going really great... until today. Today, Diddy had to ruin it for all of us.

Seriously, Diddy. Shut the fuck up. The only way you're having sex for 36 hours is if you're stroking yourself... which we all know you're really fucking good at.

X Box 360 Fanboys = Retarded

So I just got into an argument with yet another 360 Fanboy and I had to put him in his place.

See his deal was that the 360 is outselling the PS3 big time. Hey that's fine with me, like I said, the Honda Civic outsells the Ferrari, does that mean the Civic is more bad ass? Fuck no. His proof is that the problem for Sony is the PS3 is much more expensive than the 360, when actually, it's not. So to all 360 Fanboys, follow along so you can shut up about the prices already.

80GB PS3 = $399
60GB X Box 360 = $299

Hmmmm 20 GB less, but whatever..... now you buy your consoles, and you get home, and you hook shit up.

PS3= Place where you would like, plug it all in and go.
X Box 360 = Plug it all in and then, wait where the hell can I put this fucking thing?!

Great now I gotta move cords around and move electronics to make room for this fuckin brick!

And now you wanna play some games online wireless....

PS3 = Go into your settings, connect your network. Boom done.
X Box 360 = Fuck! Gotta go back to the store and buy a damn Wireless Adapter?! $99

Alright got my wireless thing, let's get online to play some games!

PS3 = Pop in game, get started.
X Box 360 = Alright, X Box Silver works since it's free. Hmm wait a minute I can't play with my friends?! WTF upgrade to GOLD?! = $50.

Alright, finally ready to play! Wait a minute my controller doesn't work? Aw fuck no batteries?!

PS3 = Plug in, recharge.
X Box 360 = Buy AA batteries forever costing more and more $ or get rechargeable controllers around $30.

Alright fucks sake after buying a wireless adapter, buying a Live account, and having to go buy new batteries I am finally ready to play! Alright that was fun, I think I'll take a break and watch a movie!

PS3 =

X Box 360 =

Sigh... alright... now I am done watching my non High Def movie on my 360.... I think I will play some more Halo..... WAIT A MINUTE WTF IS THIS?!!?

Final costs for gamers for all this say after 5 years?

PS3 = $399

X Box 360 = Roughly Around $650

Now please, 360 fans. Shut the hell up. And go away. I am going to go play my free online games now and watch Dark Knight on BluRay. Have fun in your non-high def world kids.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The Most Awesomely Bad Ass Person On Planet Earth

Yeah. That's right. I am officially declaring this guy The Most Awesomely Bad Ass Person On Planet Earth. What does that mean? Well it means this. That no other human being on this planet, is as awesome, or as bad ass, as this guy right here. What is my proof?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

But we're in a recession!! Satellite crashes to Earth, wastes 280 MILLION dollars.

Aw hell, it's all over the news, so I'm leaving out specifics... but I don't know what annoys me more, the fact that someone's ineptitude has caused us yet one more step back in the fight against global warming, or that we basically flushed 280,000,000 bucks down the drain in the process! I left all those zeros in there on purpose, because I want you to really think about how much money 280 million dollars is. The satellite weighs about 1000 pounds, a little less, and the project surrounding it has taken 9 years so far. 9 years spent on developing this thing... and it crashes just MINUTES after being launched in to orbit?! COME ON!

"Certainly for the science community it's a huge disappointment," said John Brunschwyler, Taurus project manager for Orbital Sciences Corp., which built the rocket and satellite. "It's taken so long to get here."

Uh John... I can't even get a cellphone plan from AT&T, so excuse me while I don't feel bad about your little project breaking. Do you know how many hungry and homeless people that money would feed?! GIVE ME A BREAK. Thank God for the Japanese, at least their Global Warming satellite made it in to orbit.

Al Gore is gonna be so pissed. He'll probably say this was a huge conspiracy. Maybe it was!

Monday, February 23, 2009


As many of you may have noticed we had some kind of error caused by Random Villain's look at how much Tyler Perry sucks. Apparently when you bash Queen Perry and his films your blog tries to die. Never fear, I quickly fixed the issue and all is back to normal.

You're welcome. :-p

P.S. Follow me on Twitter!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Sigh... Patrick Swayzes Time Is Short

Word has it that the treatment that Patrick Swazye has been having for his pancreatic cancer is no longer doing any good. The cancer is not responding to the treatment and there is nothing more the doctors can do. He has since stopped receiving treatment and is now headed home to his ranch to just, wait to die.

That picture is of him headed to New Mexico, where his ranch is. Nothing more can be done for the guy, and he probably only has a couple short weeks left. That is not confirmed at all, but it is not good at all. Late last year my brother also had cancer and once the docs said that there was nothing more they could do, it was downhill and over within a week.

This is dumb. And pretty much the shittiest news ever. Patrick Swayze is my fuckin HERO. Has been since I was a little kid. The Outsiders started it all for me. Then came Red Dawn. That is when the Swayze became and icon to me. He even managed to make shitty chick flicks bad ass, like Dirty Dancing, and Ghost. Of course, like everyone, I do know that Roadhouse is 100% bad ass. Point Break, Black Dog, god damn he made some awesome movies.

Well, heres hopin the remainder of his days are peaceful and calm and he just relaxes on his porch.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Mondays Suck. Jeremy Fry Makes Me Smile.

Unlike most people, I am working on Presidents Day. Fucking LAME.

Anyways, this guys name is Jeremy Fry. And he loves to dance. This is feed from the jumbotron at a Celtics game.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Review: Friday The 13th

Jason, Michael, Freddy. I grew up with these guys. Seen their movies hundreds of times. So going into this, I was a little bit excited I guess. See with Halloween, there is a plot, a story, characters, things going on that wouldn't warrant a remake, but a continuation. With Friday the 13th, there isn't really any story or characters anymore, just cows being lead into a slaughter house of Jason Voorhees. So a remake isn't a bad thing, cause even this movie you could watch and come up with your own conclusion that it's not even a remake, but just another story. So I am fine with that. So let's get goin shall we?

The Story: Who gives a fuckin shit, some girl went missing when Jason killed all her friends boohoo and now her brother is looking for blah blah blah blah whatever.

Characters: There are about 15 people or so in this movie. You want every single one of them to die. They're the cliche drunk stoner annoying airhead idiotic bullfuck characters you would expect. I am fine with that.

See after 11 movies, if you are a seasoned horror movie watcher like me, you KNOW when Jason is coming, you know who is going to die, you know when they're going to die. Which is no big deal because well, it is always fun to see what kinda ways Jason comes up with to off people. Remember the sleeping bag beating against a tree? The frozen face smash? The head punched off? The harpoon gun into the fuckin face?

Yeah, you get nothing like that here. Here is my review on the "kills" that most websites are raving about saying OMG THE KILLS ARE AWESOMESSS!!!

It is Jason Voorhees that is killing off these kids one by one. But, it's almost like hes bored and doesn't wanna be bothered with doing this. MINOR MINOR SPOILER... I mean, we see a wood chipper, we see a random hick using a wood chipper, he has his small scene, then later we randomly go back to him, and hes alone, so we KNOW he's a dead man. And we all remember seeing that wood chipper. So you know that mother fucker is about to get thrown into that thing. Oh shit there's Jason! He's got the hick! Jason has his machete! Jason.... cuts the guys throat? Really? Alright maybe hell kick the guy into the woodchipper! Yeah!! No... hick falls on the ground. Jason just cut a guys throat and that was that.

Then we get guy going alone in the dark to a tool shed. TOOL SHED! OH HELL YES!! OH SHIT THERE'S A CIRCULAR SAW IN THERE! SHOVELS! PICKS! EVERY KIND OF KILLING DEVICE IMAGINABLE!!!! THIS SHALL RULE! THIS GUY IS TOAST!!!! OH MAN THERE'S JASON!!! Wait wtf... a screw driver? A screw driver into the side of the guys neck? And Jason is struggling with a 4 foot tall 100 pound chinese dude? Whatever I guess.

There are no awesome kills except for one which happens with a dock. I'll leave it at that. The rest are bland and boring and we have all seen them before.

As for the naked chicks, every chick except for two are naked in this movie. One has giant fake boobs which suck, one has AWESOME boobs which are real and, AWESOME. "Perfect nipple placement".

In the end, it's a fun movie, Jason is back. Let's just hope the next time we see him, he isn't so hungover or bored and we get some proper Jason kills.


If The Power Goes Out. Get Dr. Pepper.

This Guy Loves Crushing Cans

Words Fail Me....

Well, after the last video, I looked around and stumbled across some other gems. I like to call these videos....

Videos You Will Go To Hell For Laughing At.

The Greatest, Video, Of All Time.

I present to you.

The Greatest YouTube Video. Of All Time.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I'm SO Proud to be a New Grandfather Today

I knew one day my boy would make me proud. Here is my 8 year old son Styles with his new baby daughter Minnie and her Mom. I am so happy God has blessed this family and me with a beautiful grand baby.

I always knew Styles would take after dad and pull the bitches at a young age. I guess this is what happens when you aren't emo and don't wear Bro Dude shirts. Dress and carry yourself like a respectable young man and you will find a nice young lady to start a family.

These kids don't really have much, but they do have love. It is tough, but they'll make it somehow.

You Gotta Be Fucking Kidding Me.....

Read the post below this one titled Return Of The Shitty Bands. Then come back here.

Back? Alright good. So after I found the shit fuck on billboard about Limp Bizkit, I cruised around Billboard a bit more and stumbled across this....

Creed is hammering out details for a lucrative 2009 reunion tour, sources tell Billboard. The Scott Stapp-led group, which was one of the top sellers of the past decade, has not performed since a rancorous split in June 2004. Stapp promptly embarked on a solo career, while guitarist Mark Tremonti, drummer Scott Phillips and original bassist Brian Marshall formed Alter Bridge with vocalist Myles Kennedy and released two albums. The 2004 Wind-Up debut, "One Day Remains," sold 496,000 copies in the United States, according to Nielsen SoundScan; a 2006 follow-up for Universal, "Blackbird," has moved 227,000.

Why? No one and I mean no one in the world is asking for these bands to come back. MAYBE a select group of retarded girls want Blink back, but NO ONE is wanting the likes of Creed and Limp Bizkit to return. I think this sums it up......

It's just a matter of time now before we hear that Sugar Ray is back together.

Return Of The Shitty Bands!

Fucks sake, just when you thought the whole, emo band thing was fading away, we go BACKWARDS in time and now every shitty fucking band from the late 90s has decided that they are now too broke and need to reunite....

First up.

Blink 182.

Oh good, I was hoping these faggots would get back together. I mean I was really missing a group of 30 year olds singing about how it sucks to be grounded.... Here is what MTV has to say on this shit.

It's official: With an introduction of "together again," Blink-182 confirmed that they are back in the Blink business at the Grammy Awards Sunday night (February 8) when they appeared onstage together for the first time in four years.

Emerging to sounds of their 1999 hit "What's My Age Again," bassist Mark Hoppus, drummer Travis Barker — wearing a sling on his injured left arm — and estranged guitarist Tom DeLonge walked out together, with Hoppus joking, "Isn't it great to see the Jonas Brothers and Stevie Wonder back together again?" after the unlikely pairing performed a medley of the Bros' "Burning Up" and Wonder's "Superstition." Barker added, "We used to play music together, and we decided we're going to play music together again," as DeLonge stood awkwardly to the side. Hoppus also yelled, "Blink-182 is back!"

Ugh, god damnit, what could be worse? Wait I know!


Nookie, and Rollin? I dunno, wtf was that shit about? This is what Billboard has to say....

Dormant for eight years, the original lineup of Limp Bizkit is reuniting for a tour and new album, according to a statement from Interscope Records.

Fred Durst, Wes Borland, Sam Rivers, John Otto and DJ Lethal were last active in the fall of 2001, after which Borland left the band to focus on his own music. Borland rejoined for the 2004 EP "The Unquestionable Truth (Part 1)," but left again shortly thereafter.

Limp Bizkit has essentially been on hiatus since then, with Durst devoting his energies to directing and acting in film.

Although all dates are not yet confirmed, the band will play international festivals this spring, including shows in Eastern Europe, as well as Germany's Rock Am Ring and Rock Im Park festivals.

Jesus christ..... I give up.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Inglourious Basterds Trailer!!!!!!!!!!!!

A while back, I left this out of my top 10 most anticipated movies of the year, mainly due to the fact that it had an unknown release date. Well this movie comes out in August. And this is the debut of its teaser trailer, and holy shit. This is officially my Number 1 most anticipated movie of 2009.

Click on Brad Pitt demanding his scalps below to go watch the trailer!

Hahaha, Shut Up Jay-Z

God, what a douche bag, does he realize this is 2009. Maybe if he was famous and this was 1995, this would mean serious shit, but today... no.

A source tells Us Weekly magazine, “He hit the roof. Chris is a walking dead man. He messed with the wrong crew.”


Yeah. Right.

You know what Jay-Z is going to do about this? Two things. Jack and Shit. Give me a fucking break. Chris is going to get 4 years house arrest or something stupid, Jay-Z won't do anything, and his CREW won't do anything. God just shut up.

Interesting Note: RandomVillain and Jay-Z share the same birthday. But that is the only thing the two have in common, since it is also known that even RandomVillain is a better rapper than Jay-Z.

Rhianna Got What Was Coming!


I said it. Get pissed.

This reminds of me high school in so many ways it's not even funny, we ALL know the story.

Really hot awesome chick, dates douche bag assholes. Never wants the cool normal honest good guys, just likes them some asshole men. Why? Fuck if I know.

Now I guarantee you that time after time Rhianna was approached by a nice trustworthy guy, but instead she said she loves Chris Brown, even though he is an asshole. "HE CAN CHANGE!"

And now look, now she will need plastic surgery, because douche bag, Chris Brown, beat the shit out of her. Now she's going to go get surgery, make a new album, go on tour, and everyone will say what a brave woman she is, and such a survivor. When in reality, she made a STUPID decision by being in a relationship with a complete shit fuck.

So please, women everywhere, take a look at this whole thing, stop fuckin around with these asshole tapout bro dude monster energy drink chuggin wannabe douche bags. Go out and get yourself a MAN. Because no real MAN would have done what Chris Brown did, and I promise you, Chris Brown will end up getting his, one way or another.

The whole thing started, because Chris Brown got a booty call, and Rhianna saw it and got pissed, so he beat her up. WHAT A GUY!! Sounds like the kinda guy I would wanna be in a relationship with. Anyways, Rhianna, get better soon, make a recover, stay hot, and next time, find yourself a MAN, not some loser. Cause really, before this whole thing went down, I knew who Rhianna was, but I had no fucking clue who this Chris Brown guy was.

Chris Brown. Have fun in prison. Rhianna will now go find herself, a REAL MAN.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Tapout Vs. Emo: What Is Worse? A Discussion.

This isn't really a blog, this is mostly set up for people to discuss in the comments. What is more annoying and gay? Emo faggots? Or those idiots that wear Tapout shirts.

As for my pick, I side with Tapout wearing guys being more annoying and more gay than the emo queers.

Stop Using The Economy As An Excuse For Being Lazy

Jesus Shit not a day goes by, not a fucking DAY, where I don't hear some idiot whining about the economy sucking and therefore their lives suck and everything is going wrong.

I really just read on a message board someone asking where free movies are to download that are playing in theaters. Their excuse? You guessed it, the economy sucks and they can't afford to see movies so they wanna steal them. Yet they can afford their internet monthly.

People like that are not suffering from the economy, they're suffering from being LAZY. It's almost like homeless people, there is no reason to be jobless. NONE. The "economy sucks no one is hiring" thing is so pathetic and played out. Guess what, I live in Phoenix, AZ. There are thousands and thousands of illegals here, all over, and even they have jobs. They go out at 5am, hang out in front of Home Depots and such, get picked up and go do yard work or other odd jobs for the day and get about 100-200 bucks a day. I am 27, I dropped out of high school, I never went to college. And guess what? I have a job. I have a good enough job that I can afford a brand new car, a house, and raising a baby. So if someone like me, with no degrees, no diplomas, no nothing, can go out and make a decent living, so can everyone else.

Stop being lazy. It's not the economy. It's YOU. I'm not telling you, what you don't already know.

So.... Chris Brown beat up Rhianna

So I decided to watch the Grammy's last night... against better judgment. I'd have much rather been watching Big Love and The L Word, but something told me, "Hey just watch The Grammys, something good might happen (it didn't), and as is usual with me and award shows that meant I had to watch the preshow on E! too. First, I'd like to acknowledge how much of an inappropriate douchebag Ryan Seacrest is. Asking pregnant women if they "intend to breast feed" is entirely out of line for any man to ask, much less in front of millions of people on a red carpet. I don't understand where this guy gets his sense of propriety. Nothing is sacred to him, case in point, bringing up J-Hud's dead family. Not cool, Seacrest. Best moment of the the red carpet goes to Carrie Underwood for busting his balls about "Bikini Girl", that skanky chick from Idol.... but where's Maggie Gyllenhal ala The Golden Globes to tell him off?

Anyways, got off topic for a bit there. So during this red carpet Seacrest fiasco, he gets some equally douchey E! News reporter to come running up with "breaking news" that Chris Brown has been in an altercation with a woman (who they both insinuate is "Alien Princess RiRi") and that not only is he wanted for arrest, but he's also not going to be performing. I guess you can't really sing a lame R&B song at the Grammy's when PoPo is hunting you down, eh CB? So then like 10 minutes later, E! News guy returns to now tell us that sources have also stated Rhianna won't be performing either... and then it gets interesting. Apparently those same sources also SAW Rhianna and said her face looked bruised and she looked scuffed up. So leave it to Seacrest to declare that Chris Brown beat up his secret girlfriend, Rhianna.

Now this morning, news has come in that Brown turned himself in to authorities at about 7:30, and Rhianna was apparently seen going to the hospital. So here's what I think, Chris Brown is the new Ike Turner and for that he gets props, cuz sometimes you just gotta smack a bitch down, right? No? Okay well, Rhianna should have fought back, that bitch is way bigger than him. She could have wrapped her Beyonce-Legs around his head and popped it off....... so I don't feel sorry for her. Now him on the other hand... let's just say that it's a good idea he quickly posted the $50,000 bail and sprung himself... but now he just better watch out for Jay-Z.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Brief Taken Review

So I saw Taken today. If you haven't seen the previews, it's basically a movie where Qui-Gon Jinn has a daughter who ends up getting kidnapped, and the kidnappers get on the phone and Qui-Gon tells the kidnappers to just let her go, and hell forget all about this shit, but if they don't let her go, he will come find them and kill them. Stupid kidnapper acts hard on the phone and says "good luck." Well guess what the fuck happens next?

Basically, this movie shoulda been called, Jason Bourne Is A Faggot. This guy kills the fucking fuck out of every god damn bad person that exists. This is the first movie where I actually said out lout "geeezus enough already!!" And I was talking for the BAD GUYS. Yeah, you start to feel sorry for the bad guys cause you know there is zero chance of them winning this battle.

Anyways, two thumbs up, excellent kick ass movie. If you like those Bourne Faggotry movies, then this is perfect, cause this guy would beat the fuck out of Jason Bourne.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Get Ready To Laugh at 1:34

Here is the trailer for, fuck I don't even know the name of the movie. The 1:34 mark hit in this trailer and I started laughing so hard I stopped paying attention.

The Education of Charlie Banks - Watch more

Let's just call this movie Rollin'

Weed is the Devil!

Or at least that's what big media would lead you to believe. All the pundits and the usual ragtag crew of FOX News have been going on and on all morning about how marijuana is a gateway drug and Michael Phelps is leading the children of America to drug-induced frenzies. (video when I can find it) PLEASE!! Come on! I mean really, REALLY?

Let's be honest for a minute. I've smoked a lot of this stuff in my day, and never, and I do mean never, has it ever made me want to do any other drugs. If anything, getting drunk has lead me to experiment with other drugs. Getting drunk... or girls. But never pot. Never once have I smoked pot and thought to myself "man if this is this good, maybe I should try ecstasy or cocaine!" Not even once. Never.

Now, Michael Phelps, AMERICAN OLYMPIC HERO, Michael Phelps, has smoked some weed, and suddenly everyone in America is in an uproar. Kelloggs dropped him this morning, citing they couldn't continue to be his sponsor and condone this behavior. USA Swimming, this morning, suspended Phelps for 3 months! All this dude does is swim, and he's been suspended for smoking a little pot. For all we know, he hit that bong one time. We don't even know if he inhaled! And you know what I wanna know, who is the fucking douche who snapped that picture and then probably made a fast 50k off it? That guy needs to get his ass kicked. If I were Michael Phelps I would use my Olympics millions and find that dude and kick his ass. I would.

So now, they're all talking about how Phelps is setting a terrible example for kids. Let me tell you something, the first time I ever smoked some weed, I was not thinking to myself "shit man, if the president does it, and cheech marin does it, maybe I should do it too?" Hell no, I was hanging out with friends who said "here bro, try this out" and I did it. I did it because I wanted to. Every time I ever smoked after that, it was because I wanted to. Not because I saw some celebrity doing it, or thought it made me look or seem cool. Most of the time I was alone, and then you know what I did? I didn't accidentally shoot my best friend in the face, or melt in to a blob of skin. I went to sleep. I smoked some weed, and I got a good night's sleep. My own DOCTOR says to me "if it helps you sleep, and you're using it in moderation, then that's okay." Of course, naturally, he couldn't officially condone it, because then he'd probably lose his license, but even that dude knows its no big deal. He'd probably rather I did that, then have to prescribe me some low dose Zanax bullshit. I'm a light sleeper and sometimes anxiety keeps me up at night. I'm a hoooooorrible person!

Long story short, this all makes me aggravated. Michael Phelps is a good dude, who busted his ass for YEARS to win some gold medals. That dude lived in a pool... so if he wants to light up a spliff or hit the bong, I say more power to him. He deserves it.

/end rant

UPDATE: Subway dropped Phelps too. Which is fucked up, cuz when I get the munchies Subway is one of the first places I think to go. :(

Note from G.C.:
I am glad to see Devon's thoughts on this issue. I had previously posted about Michael Phelps Smoking a Bong and how it was not a big deal AT ALL. I just talked to Money D and he doesn't think it's a big deal either. So there you have it. People who smoke a lot of the stuff don't understand the uproar and neither do people who have never touched the stuff. The majority ( possibly all) of the writers at Devon Lohan think all of the people making a big deal about this are a Bunch of Fucking Idiots.

That said, I will be starting a series of "Who Fucking Cares?" weekend articles. My focus will be defending people who are unfairly targeted and demonized by society and the media. I will be defending people who commit consensual "crimes"- drug users, misanthropes, anti-social jerks, people who are hated because they are great,etc. As I've said, I have never used an illegal drug and never been in trouble with the law. I am not saying that to brag, but to provide perspective. A lot of Phelps haters have been saying stupid shit like " If you defend this guy, it's because you are a Dope Head,too." And my point is: I don't touch the stuff and I see nothing wrong with it. I DO have a problem with hysterical idiots who defend violence, idiotic nonsense and whatever else to fight wars against their fellow citizens who do things like smoke weed or other private and consensual acts that do not in any way threaten the public or the person or property of any individual. There are millions of decent people who use drugs and millions of non-users who support their right to do so.

My next column is going to focus on Steroids in baseball ( another subject that pisses me off) and why I don't give a fuck that A-Rod tested positive in 2003. I would also like to thank the federal government, the media, and a bunch of idiots, for turning Barry Bonds into one of my favorite players of all time.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Smart Car? I Don't Think So.

So, every couple days or so, I will be driving to work, or from work, or anywhere else. And I see this fucking thing.It's called a Smart Car I supposed. Now what I don't understand is. Who in the fucking fuck would drive one of these things?!?!?! Why do they call it a Smart Car? Because whoever drives one of these things has to be a fucking IDIOT. Look at it! You can get thrown through the windsheild if you rearended a fucking bicycle in this thing. I honestly believe that if I was in an argument, and someone ran away from me and got inside of one of these, I could punt it off a cliff. I know for a fact I could tip the damn thing over. So what the hell.

Anyways, these things are too stupid to even look up the facts on so who really cares? It should be called the Dumb Car since it's basically a death trap. Also everytime I see someone driving it, it is usually a large man. Why? What the hell??

Fuck anyone who drives one of these rollerskaters around. You deserve to be crushed in a headon collision with a bird.

The Blair Witch Project. 10 Years Later.

Ahhh.... The Blair Witch Project.

10 years ago, me and my friend Nick, hopped into my 1994 Dodge Shadow, and made the hour drive to the Harkins Theater, to check out The Blair Witch Project. I had been reading about this documentary on the internet for quite some time. Watched the special on TV about it. And I was one of those people that bought into the hype about it, I bought it all. And I thought this movie was fuckin real. I fell for the marketing tricks. I thought this was 100% legit. I even went out and bought the soundtrack, which was marketed not as a soundtrack, but it was "A mix tape found in the car of Josh which was parked on the side of the road." The movie came out in limited release in one theater far away. We went opening night to the only theater playing it, before it was announced that it wasn't real. And I sat there, and basically shit my fucking pants.

The Blair Witch Project, I will admit, is the only horror movie to really scare me. The finale in that house, I actually did close my eyes during. I would open them up only to quickly see what was going on before shutting them again. The movie ended, people were fucked up, crying, scared shitless. We ran to the car, drove home. Now like idiots, we went to a 10pm showing, and I lived out in the fuckin boonies at this time. No street lights, no sidewalks, out in the middle of bumfuck. I dropped my friend off at home, went home, ran into my house turning on every light. I called my girlfriend at the time and told her all about this movie and forced her to stay on the phone with me until the sun came up.

Fuck that movie.

A couple weeks later, it was revealed that it was all a hoax. The kids in the movie were actors and they were just fine. And a stange thing happened. Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, all the praise this movie was getting, turned into, OH MAN THIS MOVIE SUUUCKS!!!! It is really strange to me, why people would turn so quickly on this movie. I came up with a few ideas.

A. They were just pissed that they fell for it, thought it was real, and found out it was fake so instead of just enjoy it anyways, they had to get uptight and pissy. People, it's a MOVIE. Fake or not, it's a MOVIE. Do you like Star Wars? Of course you do, everyone does, but guess what? It's not real.

B. They are pussies and got motion sickness.

C. And this is the main reason why I think people hate on it. Is because it scared the shit out of them, and they won't admit it, so in turn they just say it sucks and shrug it off like it's nothing.

Since then, there have been many rip-offs of this movie. Such as Cloverfield. But the one thing missing, and what made Blair Witch so scary, and made it work, was the realism in it. It felt real. After seeing it, I refused up and down to go camping. In the past 10 years I have gone camping once, and I didn't sleep. Of course that could mainly be because I was drunk and roasting marshmellows with my fellow drunken friends, but still. Everyone that saw Blair Witch when it was released, will remember it. Everytime they go camping they think of it. Evertime you see a couple sticks tied together you think Blair Witch. Love it, or hate it, you have to admit, it was an innovative movie. And for the haters out there, lighten up, it's only a movie.

I put this movie up there with the greats. The Halloweens, Fridays, Nightmares, all of them. It is a classic horror film. Scary as fuck with zero violence in it. Plus, the music, or sounds, or whatever you want to call it, scared the shit outta me.

10 years later, knowing nothing is real in this movie, that it was all mostly fake. I still refuse to watch this movie alone at night.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Kobe Bryant Scores 61 Points!!! OMFGGG!!! Kobe Sucks HAHA

God damn sports shows and news sites are retarded.

So last night, Kobe Bryant played the Knicks, who kinda suck. And Kobe Bryant scored 61 points. So now every ESPN wannabe shitfuck site is going crazy about how awesome Kobe is for scoring 61 points. But uh... he attempted 31 fucking shots. 31 ATTEMPTS. And the Lakers only won by 9 points. He also had ZERO REBOUNDS and 3 assists. WOW! So, basically Kobe Bryant went out there and did nothing but shoot the ball every single time he had it.

This is just after Kobe Bryant takes out his own player for 12 weeks because he attempted a flop and fucked it all up.

From Basketbawful:

1.) Watch the Memphis defenders in the clip. None of them move in a way that would cause Bryant to fall (no foul is even called and play continues, thereby confirming that not only was Kobe flopping, it wasn't even a good enough flop to hook the normally easily-snookered NBA refs).

2.) Watch Bynum before the injury. He makes no attempt to get out of the way of Kobe's tumbling body. Why? Because Bynum's brain is telling him there's no reason for Kobe to be falling to the floor. If you've ever played basketball with a spaz, or someone who doesn't play the game, or worse yet, a spaz who doesn't play the game, they often flail around the court in unexpected ways that can get themselves and/or other players hurt. This phenomenon also occurs regularly with floppers, who often find new and interesting ways to hurt themselves and others with their needless herky-herky movement.

3.) Watch Kobe's face while Bynum writhes on the floor. Is he trying to argue that he was fouled, thereby causing the horrible injury to his teammate? Nope. He looks embarrassed by his own stupidity. He knows he's just screwed up royally, and it's written all over his face. Are Phil Jackson, Sasha Vujacic, Pau Gasol, Lamar Odom or any of the Lakers arguing about a Memphis foul? Nope. They're all stunned to silence by a quintessential and historically boneheaded move - made by their own "MVP" teammate no less.

4.) In an effort to serve out penance for his sins, and as a virtual confirmation that he is so ashamed of himself that he is now wicked inspired, Kobe dropped an MSG record 61 points on the Knicks tonight. Nothing says "I'm sorry for crippling our center with my dumbness" like 61 points in a single game.

Is this real life?

So, yesterday me and my wife had to take our 2 month old son for his immunization shots. He got 6 shots total in his thighs. Doctor told us he would be sore and have slight pain, so we could give him some Infants Tylenol. So we do, and wow...... he was fucked up. 15 minutes after we gave him his medicine he was passed out with a giant smile on his face. He was feelin pretty good.

The point of this is, I told a friend about this, and he sent me this video, which is pretty got damn hilarious. The kid in the video just left the dentist and is all fucked up on painkillers.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

The Best Super Bowl Halftime Show in Recent Memory is Still Prince

The 2009 Bruce Springsteen show was alright, but Prince owned that shit 2 years ago. Unfortunately Prince is not a fan of the Youtube. We used to have videos up of Prince's Super Bowl Performance back when Random was telling you how much your emo shit sucked. Of course those were removed. You can just take my word for it or rely on your memories of that awesome performance.

In post- Nipple Gate Super Bowl entertainment that's about the best you will ever get. Maybe they will run out of old rockers and go back to marching bands.

Hell even Paul McCartney's show in 2005 resulted in 2 indecency complaints to the FCC. Why? His lyrics included a mention of "grass." These anti-weed bitches are everywhere aren't they.

Well, back to the game....