Thursday, May 31, 2007

So the law in CA is retarded.....

So every damn week there is atleast 1 or 2 damn stories about Lindsay Lohan going out to clubs and getting trashed. Shes had a drinking problem, gone to rehab for it, and continues to go out and get drunk and trashed at clubs and bars all over L.A.

So whats the problem? Well uh, she isn't 21. So why is nobody on the face of the planet bringing to light the real problem might be every club and bar in L.A. serving drinks to an underage girl? Isn't that a tad bit illegal?

Just wondering, cause I thought there was shit like that around, ya know, not being able to go into bars and get drinks unless you were 21. Because this is some bullshit, just because shes a slutty bitch that throws money around means she can drink illegally? I waited 21 damn years before I could get into a bar damnit, and not have to sneak off somewhere and drink with my friends. So hey, LAPD, how about you do your fuckin jobs already. God I wish Vic Mackey was real and there, he would show you how the fuck its done.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007


Seriously man, what the hell? Have you ever noticed, that sometimes, just sometimes, Milk tastes fucking GOOD. I mean like the best thing you have ever drank ever, just GOD DAMN THIS IS GOOD MILK! But other times, its just, eh this is milk, yup, thats about it, nothin special. This is just a Random Observance. How about you? Does a glass of milk sometimes taste better than others?

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I know who killed The Notorious B.I.G.

Thats right, I know. Shit its clear as fucking day....

I am going to keep this brief, because well the evidence speaks for itself.

Who had the most to gain over Biggie being killed and out of the picture? Who was always some background fuck head dancin around saying nothing more than, uh huh, yeah, haaa! yeah? Seriously, who?

This man...

No Puff Daddy, I am pointing the finger at YOU!

Think about it... Puff Daddy wanted everything that Biggie had, and he knew if Biggie was gone, he could get it. So he had him offed! And then he though...

Well shit, what can I do to make it look like I am not guilty... hmmmm. I know! I will write a song about him! And sing about how much I miss him! That will make me look guilt free!

But it just made him look even more guilty to me. Puff Daddy could not make a single hit without using Biggies ideas, lyrics, style, and even without using someone elses songs! And music! Even more proof that Puff Daddy had Biggie killed!!

Puff Daddy wanted what Biggie had, after his first album came out, immediately after Biggie died no how. He even changed his name! Diddy! Hmmm, lets see here... Biggie, Diddy, Biggie, Diddy. No not obvious at all Mr. Sean Combs.

So I am on to you Daddy, Diddy, P, Combs, Guilty!!!!!!!!!!!

And as for who killed 2 Pac? Well that answer is obvious... it was this man!

Think about it...

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Review: Pirates Of The Caribbean: At Worlds End

I am very, very very, very pleased. I love the first movie, LOVE it. I saw it 4 times in the theater, and numerous times on DVD. The second movie? I LIKED it. It didn't have the magic or the awesomeness, or give me the chills like the first movie did, many people didn't like it, mainly because of the cliffhanger ending, but I knew there was going to be a cliffhanger ending, so I enjoyed it alot. The third movie? LOVE it. I avoided hype and reviews and was ready for the third movie. Expecting everything to be solved, wrapped up, tied up, and finished. And it was.

Spiderman 3, Shrek 3, Pirates 3. All in one month. Spiderman 3 failed on how great it could have been, Spiderman 3 could have kicked the shit out of everything but it didn't. Shrek 3, I was not a big fan of the first 2 movies, so didn't expect much out of the third. Pirates 3 though, lives up to its promise, and delivers on all levels.

The story is simple, and not confusing at all, if you know and love/like the first two, you'll get this one. Jack Sparrow is dead, gone and in the land of the dead, where all that die at sea go, to Davy Jones Locker. Lord Beckett is in the midst of wiping out Pirates, so a meeting must be had to decide what the 9 Pirates Lord are to do, only problem is, 1 of the Pirate Lords, Jack, is dead. So Barbosa, Elizabeth, Will, and the rest of the crew must go and get him back, travel to the land of the dead, and get out.

Thats just the first part of the movie, there is so much in this movie I can't even get into all of it. Now I am not saying there is so much that you can't follow it all, lets just say that the movie is 2 hours and 45 minutes long, but you never once feel it. Never does the movie drag on, or get boring. I was constantly entertained by what was happening, everyone is great in this movie, and unlike the first two movies, this time, I really liked Will Turner. All questions, loose ends, empty holes are answered, tied up, and filled in this movie. I left the theater very very happy and satisfied with all that happened with the characters. And I mean EVERYONE, remember the two guards in the first movie that Jack tricks at the beginning? Even they have their fates solved for them.

As for throwbacks to the actual ride itself? This movie has my favorite, at one point in the movie, I wont say when to keep it a surprise, the screen goes black and you hear actual sounds and music the ride! Which kicked ass to me. And the other part that I caught is a line Barbosa says from the ride... "It be too late to alter course now!" God these movies rule.

The ending of the movie? Oh man is it big. Major fight scenes, and a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE plot twist that changes the fate and life of one of the major characters forever that I was shocked to see happen, and EXTREMELY happy with that basically sold the ending of this movie to me.

A 4th movie? Well this movie does leave it open for a 4th movie, it ends with some of the characters going on a all new adventure. If they do make a 4th, which if they do, I would love, and if they don't, no biggie, but if they do, the characters of Will and Elizabeth need to NOT be in it. Their stories are done and finished in this movie. And it ends perfectly. Especially, after the credits. All 3 of these movies have a little something at the end, the first movie had a scene with the monkey that pretty much told us, there will be a second movie. The second movie had a scene which was kinda pointless and served no real purpose. But after the credits in the third movie is a MAJOR plot point, and shows what ends up happening to two characters.

In conclusion, very very pleased and happy with this movie. If they do not end up making a 4th movie, I can live with that. Everything ended perfectly in this movie. And it is a great trilogy.

Help Wanted - Hollywood

20th Century Fox is turning The Sims into a live action film. Brian Lynch (Scary Movie 3) will write the script. No other details are known.

Rod Humble, head of Sims Studio, told Variety, "The Sims has done an interactive version of an old story, which is what it's like to have infinite power and how do you deal with it. Given that that's an old story, you can imagine how easily that would translate to traditional story telling."

Credit: Variety

That's right, you read correctly. The Sims, a game about absolutely nothing is now going to be made into a movie. From the sounds of it, a rip-off of Bruce Almighty. Nearly every video game license has been snatched up for movie form so it was only a matter of time before one of the most popular PC games of all time got the Hollywood treatment.

Video games have always made great movies. From Mario Brothers to Mortal Kombat to Whatever the hell that movie was about the scary town and the lost girl that made no fucking sense, they've all been classics. It's perfectly plausible for Hollywood to make a move about a game where goals include not crapping on yourself and building the perfect living room.

This completely ignorant movie choice leads the path to what could be a great awakening in cinema. Now that Hollywood has made sequels to every dead franchise and has remade every movie ever made, then made sequels to those remakes... It's time for a new era!

I can see it now: "Coming soon to a theatre near you... George Clooney in Tetris the Movie"

Let's not forget the gut-bustin', side splittin' comedy adventure, Pong!

And of course, the sequel to The Sims, SimCity!

Call me when Animal Crossing gets a movie. In the meantime, someone, somewhere please go to Hollywood and write an original movie that's good. Please? Hurry before The Sims Livin' Large Expansion Pack The Movie hits my screens.

Friday, May 25, 2007

My View on The View

Generally I try to keep my political views to myself. Lately though, it seems like the majority of the American public have moved away from that idea, with a growing number of them expressing their concerns on the internet. Those of us in more fortunate standings, i.e. Hollywood and the Press, have the ability to not only make their opinions known, but also to make them known on a wide scale level. Case in point, The View. I’ve never been a fan of the show, and up until the whole debacle over Starr Jones leaving the show, I had never given it any thought. But when Rosie O’Donnell stepped in and replaced Meredith Viera, I thought to myself “What the hell, I’ll check it out”. Low and behold, the show was still everything I always knew it to be, a hen-house full of cackling broads, each screaming louder than the other trying to make their point known. This past week, the show received a large amount of publicity, over a massive argument between Comedienne Joy Behar, Host Rosie O’Donnell, and former Survivor contestant Elizabeth Hasselbeck. The majority of the argument being fought out by O’Donnell and Hasselbeck.

A discussion on President Bush and Al Gore turned ugly as O'Donnell and Hasselbeck challenged each other on the war in Iraq. Then the exchange turned to the topic of their friendship and professionally supporting each other in the media. "You are an adult. Defend your own thoughts," Hasselbeck said, to which O'Donnell retorted: "But when I do, it's 'poor Elizabeth' I'm picking on. That's why I'm not going to fight with you anymore." Hasselbeck shot back: "That's why you like to fight with Donald Trump." That's when show producers split the screen to show both women arguing. What resulted was a nine minute long digression between the two, that left my ears on the verge of spewing blood. Being a rather left-leaning liberal, I found Elizabeth to be one of the most ignorant people on the face of the planet. It bewilders me that anyone could possibly take the position she and so many other take when it comes to the current situation in Iraq, as well as here at home. How anyone could possibly support the man in office, leaves me scratching my head. When the last president slept with a woman who was not his wife, thousands called for his blood, and he was nearly impeached from his office…but when this man commits acts Criminal nature, War Crimes even, they just sit back and praise him! Why? What do they have so invested in him? We know why the big oil companies like him…hell, everyone knows that. But this is the same man who has stood by countless officials in his cabinet when they’ve made plunder after plunder. This is the same man who gave a no bid contract to the company owned by his VP! This is the same man, who on 9/11 sat in a classroom reading to school children for SEVEN minutes after the attack on the WTC, with nothing short of a scared look on his face. George W. Bush never in a million years knew what he was getting himself in to, and when someone like Rosie O’Donnell points that out to the masses, people like that little Elizabeth Hasselbeck get their primadonna panties in a wad. God forbid anyone speak the truth about Potentate Bush.

That is until Al Gore finally got his head out of his Globally Warmed Ass. Gore has finally stepped up to the plate, taking a no holds barred shot at Bush, in his new book, entitled: The Assault on Reason. In “The Assault on Reason” Al Gore cuts in to George W. Bush, asserting that the president is “out of touch with reality,” that his administration is so incompetent that it “can’t manage its own way out of a horse show,” that it ignored “clear warnings” about the terrorist threat before 9/11 and that it has made Americans less safe by “stirring up a hornets’ nest in Iraq,” while using “the language and politics of fear” to try to “drive the public agenda without regard to the evidence, the facts or the public interest.”

He argues that the gruesome acts of torture committed at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq “were a direct consequence of the culture of impunity — encouraged, authorized and instituted” by President Bush and former Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld. And he writes that the violations of civil liberties committed by the Bush-Cheney administration — including its secret authorization of the National Security Agency to eavesdrop without a court order on calls and e-mail messages between the United States and other countries, and its suspension of the rights of due process for “enemy combatants” — demonstrate “a disrespect for America’s Constitution that has now brought our republic to the brink of a dangerous breach in the fabric of democracy.”
Similar charges have been made by a growing number of historians, political analysts and even former administration insiders, and President Bush’s plummeting approval ratings have further emboldened his critics. But Mr. Gore writes not just as a former vice president and the man who won the popular vote in the 2000 election, but also as a possible future candidate for the Democratic nomination in the 2008 race for the White House, and the vehemence of his language and his arguments make statements about the Bush administration by already announced candidates like Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton seem polite and mild-mannered in contrast.

As Americans we all reserve the right to believe in what we want, who we want, and for whatever reason we have. It's in the Constitution. From my point of view, our President is a War Criminal, and I assure you I am far from being the only one who thinks so. Sure, he's no Hitler or Musselini, but even if he were, would the press tell you the truth? The overwhelming majority of Americans are completely and totally unaware of what's going on around them, and what's even worse, is that a large majority of them are okay with that! Too many people are perfectly fine with being oblivious to the fucked up situation we're all stuck in. To quote Bill Maher "the thing that makes me mad the most, is that enough people aren't mad!" What are we waiting for America? This man has a year+ left in office...we have to make an impact before it's too late. We have to stand up for ourselves, we have rights too! We as Americans need to come together, and speak out. There's nothing illegal or wrong about doing it! Sure, there's going to be people like Elizabeth Hasselbeck or won't agree with us, and who will try to shut us down. But it's okay, let Elizabeth continue her trite banter. In the end, she'll get hers. They always do. The time for change is now, people. Stand up, and fight back. Use your voice. Otherwise...

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Remember When?

Remember when wrestling ruled? I do. This right here is the last great mark out moment WWE had. Last time I got chills, last time I jumped up and down on the couch, last time I threw my coffee table out the window because of something so awesome happening. Sigh........

Review: Knocked Up

The Plot: Slobby Ben and up and coming career girl Alison meet at a bar, and end up having a one night stand. Eight weeks later, Ben is shocked when Alison meets him and reveals that she is pregnant. Despite having little in common, the two decide that they have to at least try to make some kind of relationship work for the baby's sake.

The Review: I loved this movie. So much in fact that is currently and easily my favorite movie of the year. Not by a shit load, but it is #1 so far in my book. Hot Fuzz and Death Proof were tops, but both movies had moments where it was dragging and slow. This movie never once did that. If I wasn't laughing my ass off then I was being entertained other wise. This is a real comedy. Makers of movies like Epic Movie and all those other pieces of shit need to take note and some lessons. This is one of those comedies where you actually care and give a damn about the characters involved in the flick. Seth Rogen is great and now one of my favorite actors. Judd Apatow is easily now one of my favorite directors/writers. Which I should have looked up on first. 12 years ago a movie came out that I loved and still do to this day called Heavyweights, about a kids fat camp that gets bought out by fitness freak played by Ben Stiller. I never watched Freaks and Geeks or Undeclared but I will definatley be renting them now. The acting, directing, editing, producing, catering, production assisting is all tops in this movie.

The 40 Year Old Virgin is awesome and very funny. But I feel this movie is far better. Judd Apatow writes characters unlike anyone else, never in a movie do you see characters act like real people. Mostly guys sitting around quoting and referring to other movies. Never see that. Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd are the two funniest actors in comedy today, just watch the scene where they go to Vegas (yes, they even quote Swingers on their way to Vegas) and go and watch Cirque Du Soleil while on mushrooms. Or the back and forth about Doc Brown and the Deloreon. I would love to just go on and on about whats so great about this movie but honestly, I need not say a thing, the movie speaks for itself.

This movie has me even more pumped up and ready for Superbad. Which is written by Seth Rogen and stars some of the same actors from Knocked Up. So in conclusion I HIGHLY recommed this movie to anyone and everyone. Sadly it might possibly get buried since it comes out 1 week after Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 which will probably crush everything in its path for 2 - 3 weeks after its out. I dont mean sadly as in, Pirates 3 will suck, which it probably wont as I love the Pirate movies. Just mean sadly as in Knocked Up wont get the recognition it should get as a wonderful comedy and best movie of 07 so far.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Law & Order Season Finales

Law & Order: SVU and Law & Order: Criminal Intent wrapped up their seasons tonight. Technically Criminal Intent aired their's yesterday, but they now run on Mondays & Tuesdays and I caught it tonight. Albeit by Tivo tape delay regardless. Both shows were good and had some nice twists and SVU had a cliffhanger for next season.

Special Victims Unit is my favorite of the Law & Orders and this finale delivered on a lot of levels. I'm not a fan of Ludacris and although he did a fine job in this role he still annoys me. Steven Webber also guest starred as his attorney but honestly was wasted as Ludacris got all his potential lines. I don't really know why Webber was even there as any actor could have filled his shoes. A murder trial basically opened up everything that's happened during the season. Tons of little side plots come unraveling and screw the whole unit up. To make matters worse Ludacris gets off and everyone's pissed.

It's unclear if Captain Donald Cragen, Olivia Benson (Mariska Hargitay), A.D.A. Casey Novak or even John Munch (Richard Belzer) will be back next season. Hopefully they all return as the cast is really excellent. If I had to lose anyone it would be Novak as her character can be annoying at times. I doubt Munch is going anywhere, but they did seem to plant a seed there. They also added a new cast member which seems like the worst show to add one to. B.D. Wong already makes plenty of cameos and adding a additional detective seems like overkill when they barely found time for Ice-T and Belzer to do anything this season.

Meanwhile on Criminal Intent it was another Christopher Noth episode which I usually don't watch. It's nothing against Noth, but CI runs with two teams A team one week, B team the next. My girl likes Criminal Intent and prefers the wacky ways of Vincent D'Onofrio as opposed to Noth so we rarely watch the B team. Regardless since this was the finale we watched. It was a good episode that showed Noth's Detective Mike Logan's softer side. When his potential new girlfriend is found dead he's certain she was murdered. It turns out she wasn't, but instead she committed suicide after an ex-husband of her raped her. Noth showed a great range for his character which is usually smarky and a tight ass. You have to feel bad for his character who is helpless to avenge this woman whom he barely knew. Detective Megan Wheeler was wrote off for at least part of next season in this episode.

Both finales contained flaws. Special Victims Unit cast Ludacris in a role where he was supposed to be a career street thug, so it seemed out of place for him to act as his own second chair lawyer and basically unravel then entire precinct with his legal savvy. This seemed like something a rich well educated white guy would do, not a not a murderous drunk gang banger. Criminal Intent suffered because the story started out about a local hero/Police cadet being murdered and soon that story was shifted to the back burner to focus on Noth's plot. While Noth's plot was much more intriguing, the cadet's murder just went nowhere and despite them tracking a female serial killer which in itself sounds like a great plot device, felt flat and rushed. Even a cameo by Alexandra Eames (Kathryn Erbe) of the A team to fill in for Logan while he was out searching for his girl's killer, didn't seem to add anything to the story.

Regardless both L&O spinoffs had a great season and ended with grand finales. While Criminal Intent really fleshed out Detective Mike Logan's (Chris Noth's) character, SVU went for a more traditional season ending approach. I guess one could complain that Logan had 5 years or so on the original L&O and didn't need the fleshing out, but he showed more character here then he probably has in all the past seasons alone. SVU gets the nod as the better episode and I'll be eager to see both these shows when they return in 08'. Hopefully budget issues won't see any of the actors get the axe as these shows have become a Tuesday night tradition.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

R.I.P. Wrestling

For a good 15 - 20 years now, I have been a devoted die hard wrestling fan. Been to many live events, from Raw, to Smackdown, Summerslam to Wrestlemania. I loved my wrestling, mainly WWE. Back in the days of Monday Night Wars, I refused to watch WCW. I stood loyally by WWE, but would they stand loyally by me? No.

Wrestling is at its worst, the worst it has ever been. A lousy boring champion with not much wrestling skills but manages to defeat and win over anything and anyone. Guys that have been in WWE longer than most that sacrifice their bodies and put it all on the line every night thrown to the side. Its really sad to see it like it is now. John Cena has killed wrestling. My love for it and many others are done now because of him. He is not the one to mainly blame either, Vince McMahon has been producing some of the worst shit ever lately. Bobby Lashley AKA Nergoberg AKA Black Lesnar AKA Talentless muscle bound moron, is ruining things as well.

Also alot of main stars are out of action, which is good to me. Im sick of HBK, Taker, HHH, the same ol same ol guys doing the same shit day in and day out. I saw this as a chance for guys like Jeff Hardy to finally get pushed and have their moment in the light. Nope. Instead what do we get? John Cena vs The Great Khali. Two guys that have as much wrestling talent and skills as my right hand. And instead of matches putting over guys and giving them a push, we got 4 matches with Bobby Lashley last night. What the fuck?

There is nothing left. TNA puts on some decent shows, but nothing to ever really hook me and draw me into it. WWE just puts on crap every Monday night, that I havent watched in over a month now. Nothing interesting, nothing awesome. Remember the ol saying, "Anything can happen here in the WWE!" Well thats how it used to be, but its gone now. Nothing can happen there but pure shit. I have gone from quitting my job at blockbuster because they were going to make me work on a Monday night. To just, reading the results online. Gone are the days of Bret Hart, Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect, Randy Savage. Guys that had great matches, memorable ones. And now are the days of guys that put on forgettable matches that nobody gives a shit about. Farewell wrestling.

Monday, May 21, 2007


In the words of the great Ollie Williams:

"It gon' rock"

And THAT is that.

Remember to spay or neuter your cats.

I'm The Man.

My turn.... Random Villains Transformers facts and corrections

After reading the blog below, most will fear and run away from this movie. Don't. I am basically just going to post here what I said in the comments below.

For one thing ol Newt claims to be a huge fan from the old days but, didn't really do any kind of reading and such on the new movie. I am a fan from the old days, and when this movie was announced, I paid close attention to it, read up on it, and did what I could to stay on top of things. So....

Newt said..."It's got the name, it's got some big robots, but is it really going to be anything remotely like Transformers?"
1. In the recent trailer we see Optimus Prime transforming and we faintly hear the old school cartoon noise made when they transform, which is all I needed to get me geeked up. Along with the fact that some of the original voices from the cartoon are doing this movie, such as Peter Cullen. Who was, and still is, the voice of Optimus Prime. The actor who voiced Megatron is dead, so he obviously couldn't make it to do the voice this movie.

Next said..."The other big problem is Michael Bay. "
2. True Armageddon Pearl Harboer and The Island were pieces of shit. But Michael Bay is not the only one behind this movie. Bay exec produced this movie but he directed this movie in the same way Tobe Hooper directed Poltergeist. For those uninformed on that movie. Steven Spielberg Exec Produced both movies under a very watchful eye. Nothing went forward without Spielbergs OK. So this is also a Spielberg movie.
This movie is basically rated R. Sure all previews show it as PG-13. But the story behind that is pretty simple. The MPAA gave Transformers an R rating. But Spielberg being Spielberg basically went to the MPAA and said, "No its going to be PG-13." And they made it PG-13 without having to make any edits or cuts. If anyone else was Exec Producing, cuts would have been made and it would have gotten watered down. And the last time Michael Bay gave us R Rated action movies, they were called The Rock, and Bad Boys. Both of which are awesome movies.

Newt said..."Tyrese is the only star attached to this and I think he was in one of those shitty car race movies. "
3. And so Tyrese is in this. And yes, 2 Fast 2 Furious sucked. But Tyrese was great in Four Brothers. And saying he is the only star in this movie is retarded because we have....

Emmy Award Winner Shia LaBeof who is a great actor and is currently kicking ass in the box office with the surprise hit Disturbia. He was also in Constantine, in which he was great in.

Academy Award Winner Jon Voight. Another great actor. Deliverance, Midnight Cowboy, Varsity Blues, Heat...

Emmy Award Winning Golden Globe Nominated John Turturro of Big Lebowski fame. Rounders, O Brother Where Art Thou, and more.

Screen Actors Guild Nominee Anthony Anderson who is a fuckin phenomenal actor who showed so in Season 4 of The Shield. As well as in The Departed.

I see in your funny lil pic the dude saying Who Am I? Thats Josh Duhamel, Emmy Award Winning Josh Duhamel who has came from being a soap opera star to being a pretty good actor in movies such as playing Tad Hamilton.

Oh yeah, and HUGE FUCKIN WEAVING. Agent Smith from The Matrix. V from V For Vendetta.

Basically, you have a cast of great actors lined up in this movie under the watchful eyes of Spielberg. I forgot that Tyrese was even in this movie until you mentioned him. But to say he is the only star over people like Hugo Weaving, John Turturro, and Jon Voight?

The main thing that showed me that Newt didn't know what the fuck he was talking about is when he said......
"Everything his name is attached to turns out to be standard action fare. His latest movies, The Island and The Amityville Horror were considered terrible."

Michael Bay didn't make The Amityville Horror........ Andrew Douglas did. All Bay did was provide funding. Its the same thing as when they were promoting Hostel and just because it said QUENTIN TARANTINO PRESENTS HOSTEL, everyone though it was a Tarantino movie. Eli Roth made Hostel.

So theres some facts about Transformers for you all that were scared after reading Newtons blog, and for Newton himself to read to get him caught up on the facts of this movie.

Transformers Will Suck

Transformers is going to suck. There, I said it. I guess I should preface this by saying I certainly hope Transformers doesn't suck, but I have a feeling in my gut that it will. I am by no means a Transformers purest, or even a big mark for the robots in disguise. I'm just a realist. The entire internet is so excited about Transformers: The Movie that I expect there to be some backlash to this little piece. Still I stand by my prediction. It's going to suck.

One of the reasons that Transformers is going to be sub-par is the fact that the franchise itself really isn't that special. I grew up with the original Transformers. I had the toys back when they were made of metal. I suspect this movie will be a lot like the toys. Big, neat looking and not really worth crap. Most if not all the Transformers toys sucked because they couldn't move in one form. Usually the robot form, but sometimes it was their car/truck/whatever form. You ended up with one form that looked good and one form that was serviceable as a toy. Most kids didn't want a toy truck though. They wanted a bad ass robot. Either way the toys rarely worked out to be cool and even today they continue to make figures that really aren't very playable.

That's not to say some figures weren't cool. Soundwave and the subsequent cassette tape robots were awesome. A couple others were neat, most notably Megatron. But I digress...

The original cartoon wasn't that great. GI Joe > Transformers. Still the show had it's charm and it worked in that 80's cartoon kinda way. The original cartoon movie even had some pretty awesome perks. That said, there isn't much about the old cartoon that could translate into a movie. I had high hopes for Grimlock, but this movie won't have Grimlock. That's pretty much guaranteed suckage.

Hollywood in it's infinite wisdom always has to "Hollywood" up franchises. Batman can't wear tights, he has to wear latex body armor. The X-Men can't wear their regular suits, they have to wear lame black leather costumes. Everything has to be young, hip and edgy. It works on some franchises and it kills others. I can't say if it will work on Transformers or not, but they are making tons of changes to it. In order to sell it to a movie audience. IE: Probably screw everything up.

Take for example Godzilla in 1998. When this movie was announced, everyone got excited. Godzilla has a huge fanbase worldwide and the thought of Hollywood getting their hands on him, letting him tear up NYC with all the glam and special effects wizardry they could muster had most people salivating. Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich were the Michael Bays of their time. Fresh off the success of Independence Day and the creating of a star in Will Smith, they were handed the Godzilla franchise on a silver platter and nearly an unlimited budget. What happened was one of the biggest movie failures of all time. The movie itself wasn't so putrid, as the fact that they took everything that was great about Godzilla and stripped it away. They Hollywoodized Godzilla to the point where he was NOTHING like what the people came to see. They wanted to see big, bad ass Godzilla crush NYC and breath fire all over the place. Instead they got a scared lizard who eats fish and has raptor babies. Godzilla made $500 MILLION worldwide, but it was considered such a bad movie that it didn't get sequels.

Lost in Space is another example. While this didn't have legions of built-in fans, it did have a pretty simple premise to build upon. So what did they do? They re-invented the entire thing. Robot was this big huge CGI mess, Dr. Smith was an evil alien thing and the movie made some money, but planned sequels were nixed because of such negative reviews. They destroyed it. Transformers looks to be going the same route. It's got the name, it's got some big robots, but is it really going to be anything remotely like Transformers?

My big concern with this movie comes from the most recent commercials I have seen. The previews show the 3 things that generally lead to a crappy movie: Random explosions, quick cuts of CGI and Tyrese. It looked like Independence Day only with worse actors. Tryese is no Will Smith. The other big problem is Michael Bay. Everything his name is attached to turns out to be standard action fare. His latest movies, The Island and The Amityville Horror were considered terrible. I can't say for sure that all these movies sucked, but a lot of them were critically panned. Especially his big "blockbuster" movies. He had some hits in there with stuff like Armageddon, but again it's just another typical blow a bunch of stuff up movie.

The previews to me look like Starship Troopers with robots. I know I'm not the only one upset that all the Decepticons look like Ivan Ooze's evil zords from the first Power Ranger's movie. I can't be the only one upset or puzzled as to why the Decepticons all look like big silver bugs. Beyond that though, is the fact that the commercials really hammer home the military. There is just too much human story in this. This SHOULD be a movie about big robots. I honestly can't remember a single human character from the original Transformers cartoon. Go-Bots had plenty of human characters, but it was Go-Bots. Maybe there were a bunch of humans, but they certainly didn't leave an impression on me because I have all but forgotten them. Some of the newer Transformers shows have TONS of human characters, but I've never been able to stomach any of the new Transformers shows.

That's another thing that will likely kill this movie. There have been like 50 Transformers shows. The original, then BeastWars (Which also made no sense, because they were ANIMALS turning into robots, but it was mildly entertaining) and then a bunch of other versions of Transformers that are generally standard anime fare. Each story is largely the same with an Optimus and a Megatron, but there in lay the problem. Fans of certain shows are going to be pissed off. OMG Amarda isn't in this! At least BumbleBee is... I think.

Overall it's just a handful of previews that make this movie look so bad. Maybe it won't be bad. Right now though this movie looks to me a lot like a crapfest. Tyrese is the only star attached to this and I think he was in one of those shitty car race movies. Which means he can't act. If this turns out to be some big epic craptacular with a bunch of stupid human subplots and military fighting the Decepticons with a couple of trucks helping out, don't say I didn't warn you.

Stu Jackson named NBA Playoff MVP

Can you believe this shit?

SAN ANTONIO - It comes as no surprise today that the NBA has named Stu Jackson as the NBA Playoff 2007 MVP. No roll has been more pivotal than his in this years playoffs. Greg Poppovich head coach of the Spurs says "We are honored to have Stu Jackson on our team, even though he wears no uniform or physically plays in the games, everyone knows that he is our star and to have him recognized as the MVP is a great honor for him, we are all proud."

Stu Jackson was named MVP after the major play he had against the Phoenix Suns. When it was obvious that they could take out the Spurs, Stu Jackson suspended Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw for Game 5, which is always the most important game of the year, in which the winner of Game 5 when tied 2 - 2 wins the series 86% of the time. The play which mentioned happened when Steve Nash was body checked into the scorers table and Amare and Boris went to check on him. Seeing this Stu Jackson immediatley called a suspension on them "for leaving the bench area". Which lead to their Game 5 absense and sealing the Suns fate. Many ask, "well they still would have lost even with Amare playing." We simply point to Game 2, when the Suns easily handled the Spurs in a 20 point victory, which would have been much of the same in Game 5, if Stu Jackson did not make the play of the year. Without Amare and Boris the Spurs still barely beat the Suns in Game 5.

Stu Jacksons revelation that he is a honorary San Antonio Spur came in Game 4 as well, when James Jones of the Suns got into a small scuffle with a Spurs player and Tim Duncan and Bruce Bowen came off the bench much like Amare and Boris did. Neither Duncan or Bowen were suspended for doing so. When asked why they were not suspended. Stu Jackson says "I did not see the it as a real incident." Even though the rule clearly states, incident happening or not, no player is allowed to leave the bench and step onto the court during the game. Even though when tape was reviewed, Boris Diaw never stepped onto the court. But thats why he is the MVP for the Playoffs and a key to the Spurs success. He can change rules, make excuses, and suspend and punish teams at will.

So we here in San Antonio are proud that Stu Jackson is named the Playoff MVP. And want to extend a congratulations to him.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Blog #100 A look back, and todays Random Act Of Assholeness

My my my, look how far we have come. What hasn't this blog covered? We grow slowly, but we grow, and hopefully in another 100 blog posts will double our readers to 8!

So onward to Blog 100. Called "Todays Random Act Of Assholeness" by Me!

I was at the grocery store, putting groceries in my car. This nerdy pimple face douche bag comes out, with shitty flowers and I see him get his cell phone out and I hear him say. "Hey! You gonna be home later sweets? I got somethin for ya!"

He approaches since his car is parked next to mine. And when he is just close enough I yell out. "He got some cheap flowers for you! Don't let him over!"

Now he glares at me, and I mean GLARES. Probably the meanest glare ever. And this guy has to be the master of glares, because kicking ass is not his thing, he must have alteast been around 5'5" and weighing in at a grand total of 130. While I am at 6'1" and breaking in around 270. I would kill this kid.

And then, he did it. He seriously STOMPED HIS FOOT, and said on the phone. "Ill be by soon!" and hung up. I smiled and waved at him, he got in his shitty lime green mustang. And pulled out and drove off. =)

The Birth Of Random Villain

Alright kids, my nick name is Random Villain, obviously. But see I didn't give it to myself. I don't use it for just an internet name. It was earned and given to me by select friends. Because I love to be an ass, and random acts of doing so. And since Villains are bad guys. And I love doing random acts of bad guy villainous things. Thus came the name.... Random Villain.

What made this name come together? A simple little act. Usually I snag a lil Subway for lunch, and its next to a Starfucks. While walking by one day outside on the patio at a table was a group of yuppie scum. 3 dudes in suits talking like assholes. So while casually walking by I leaned over stuck my head in as far as I could in the middle of their conversation and said "BLAH BLAH BLAH! UGH!!!!!!!!!!" And smiled and left. Ruining their meal, their day, and hopefully their lives. Why? Because I like to make a lil impact on fuckos when I can. =)

Friday, May 18, 2007

My Wii-View

Get it? Wii-view! Oh the hilarity of bad puns that have probably been made elsewhere months ago. Anyways on with the show:

The Nintendo Wii has been out for 7 months or so now and I have finally managed to get my hands on one. I was celebrating another orbit around the sun yesterday and my significant other was going to get me one. Easier said then done. Everyone in town was sold out. This isn't a phenomenon it's like that all over the country. Wiis are selling like gangbusters.

Thankfully some stores got them shipped today and my lovely lady was able to snag one in time. Seemed like a lot of work for a system that should be readily available but due to high demands it's still not. So is this system still exciting after all these months? Was it worth the wait and still worth the $250? That's a resounding 10-4 good buddy.

Like all good things, it has a box. The box opens and has two neat blue trays. I took a picture of this, because I found it to be the EASIEST package I've ever seen from a game company. No more tons of cardboard trays and shelves and do-dads that make you want to scream. Just pull these two trays out like drawers and everything is inside.

I did find all the parts a bit confusing. it wasn't until I saw the A/V cables did I finally see something familiar. There is a handy quick set-up guide that tells you what to do. Unfortunately it doesn't tell you some simple basic things, like how to load the Wii into the stand or how to put the visor bar into a stand. The full manual (it's pretty big) does though.

There's a sensor bar that I was worried about. I kept seeing it on review shows and it looked huge. It's not. It's tiny. If you look at the picture you can see how small it is compared to one of the smaller DirecTV units. Everything is small. The controllers are small, but a great fit. The nunchuck is small. The system is small. It's so compact and really pretty spiffy.

Once you've got it assembled you turn it on. That's really rather painless. It's not nearly as loud as my Xbox or Gamecube which was nice. My Xbox is really freaking loud. Sometimes it makes noises when it's not on, or even plugged in. And I am not kidding.

First order of business is to make a Mii. It was simple, but I don't really like myself. I could be better, but I've seen Miis that look great so I figure it's a learning curve. The whole time you are moving the cursor around you can FEEL it. Which is a nice touch. When you go over a button you feel it in the Wii-mote and that's a very freaky and satisfying feeling.

Finally I decided to boot up Wii-Sports. There's an eject button, so I naturally assumed that a tray came out. I was wrong. You stick the disc into the machine with no tray. That's pretty sweet. I stuck my disc in backwards the first time. It didn't play. Label to the right. Hey I didn't star on Life Goes On for four years for nothing!

The game booted up and I played it. While this is supposed to be a review of the Wii, the game is great. All this rubbish about graphics... I'm going to let you in on a secret. The Wii's graphics are AMAZING! I've heard that Wii-Sports looks terrible. I dunno who said that, but they are retarded. The graphics are really stellar. The greens on the fields of golf look incredible. I guess some people count polygons and that sort of thing, but I'll be honest with you at this level of graphics I can't imagine anything really looking "better" to the point where the game is more fun. These graphics are as detailed as anything you see on TV and to me at least, that's just about as good as you can get next to the real world.

Gameplay is fun and only boxing seemed to have a few snags. This was mostly me throwing punches too quick for the system to register. Needless to say boxing is one of my favorite games thus far. I was kicking ass and taking names. It was a blast. I'm FROTHING at the mouth for a truly great boxing game to come along because the potential here is just ENDLESS.

Baseball was fun but the pitching part was boring. Tennis and Bowling are a blast and I'm already planning on doing some Golf tournaments with friends. It's just so much fun and I'm an avid Golfer so this makes teeing off even easier.

All in all, this is a great package. It's heavy as hell, but it's just such a nice little system. I'll be getting some more games this weekend if I can pull myself away. I'm only writing this now because I'm tired. Wii-ing can be a wear on your body.

As an added bonus Nintendo asked me to register it. Since I have some other Nintendo products laying around I registered them too. For registering my Wii I got a free 90 day extension on the warranty. SUCK IT EB GAMES, who tried to sell me one for $35. That's 15 months that Nintendo will replace this bad boy. Nice. I also got a free 3 issue subscription to Nintendo Power for registering 3 items. It's a little thing, but I thought it was cool.

Overall, this system still holds up. If you are debating getting one but haven't had the courage, now is as good of time as any. Assuming you can find one. They're still tougher then a $2 steak to get, but if you look hard enough you might luck into one. It's worth it because a lot of games are coming out soon and you'll make friends with a Wii. Some of you probably need friends. And exercise. It's a win-win, your friendless fatty losers.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Tis the season...

...The Season Finale Season that is!! It's that time of year, the time most people in the business commonly refer to as "May Sweeps". I, however, like to call it Season Finale Season! This past week, and next week are chock full of all sorts of big time season finales. On my list alone, there is LOST, Heroes, Grey's Anatomy, E.R., American Idol, Brothers & Sisters, and a few others. Tonight, we saw two of those shows take their summer break bows.
Grey's Anatomy, which aired at 9pm - EST, was possibly the heaviest of all the finales. I'm sure many of you readers out there found yourselves reaching for the Kleenex, I know I did!! There were bombshells being dropped in that episode than in the Korean War!! Next up, was the always exciting E.R. finale, which aired at 10pm est. E.R. always promises to have the biggest and most exciting finale, and in the past couple seasons, I would have agreed with them hands down...but this season was a little disappointing. Sure, we got to see Shane West with his legs cut off, but we missed all the real action there. He was already wrapped up by the time we got to him! Then, the end of the episode left us a with a mild cliffhanger, but do any of us really care if Neela is going to get trampled to death or not? I know I don't! And what about Abby? Am I the only one who thinks she just walked out of County General?

On from tonight's shows! Next week, we have the huge finale we've all been waiting for!! You know what I mean - HEROES!! From what I hear, Creator Tim Kring says that this finale, which finally sees all of our Heroes finally arriving in New York City, is the equivalent of a $90 million dollar action movie! If that doesn't wet your freaking appetite, I dunno what the hell will! Also, the chubby telepath known as Greg Grunberg (Matt Parker), spilled the beans, revealing that the final three minutes of this season are also the first three minutes of next season! What could that possibly mean? NBC's commercials show a big Syler - Peter confrontation, and God knows we've all been looking forward to that for long enough! Maybe we'll finally see them come to blows in the ultimate battle of who's more badass. I'm most excited to see just who it is that actually ends up being the Big Bomb...though my intution tells me the whole thing won't actually go down. With Monday out of the way, we move on to the biggest live finale all year...
AMERICAN IDOL! In one of the most exciting seasons ever, we are down to the two finalists...Blake and Jordin. This past week, we were all shocked to see Melinda Doolittle
ousted, no one as much as Simon Cowell. Tuesday night, the final two will compete against each other, both singing 3 songs, including the song that will be their big first single, in the event that they win. On Wednesday night, we'll see who this year's winner is, but not until we've sat through several guest stars and guest performers. Maybe even some witty banter between Cowell and Seacrest...

But after that...we get what we're all really waiting for.


Nothing promises to be more exhilarating, exciting, and jaw dropping than the big 2 hour "game changer". That's right, show creators Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse promise that this season finale, unlike all the others, will be nothing short of intense. They promise to leave you begging for more, and you will, since the show won't return until February of next year. Fans of the show, all around the world are hoping to finally find out just what the
Others are up to, and where they came from. Will Charlie survive? Will Penny finally find Desmond? Will Jack choose between Juliet and Kate, and where will Sawyer fit in to all of it? And what about the man with more questions circling him than anyone else......John Locke? Is he alive? Is he dead? And what about Jacob??? I realize that Idol will be running up against Lost...but let me tell you right now, I couldn't give two hits of squirrel shits whether Blake or Jordin are the next AI, so long as I find out what the hell is going on around that island...

I'm The Man, and THAT'S what's up!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Lay off of Michael Jackson

Im getting really sick of the Michael Jackson jokes. Why? Because it makes the entire world a hypocrite. How so you ask? Because from the fans, to the non fans, to the people that crack jokes, to the people that dont. EVERY fucking person on the face of this planet has rocked out, danced to, sang along to at least one Michael Jackson song in their lives. So shut the fuck up. For those that know his life story know hes fucked in the head, look at his childhood. It no wonder hes a lil off, a lil crazy, but that does not change the fact that he made all of us tap our foot at least once. And for those that want proof of all this. Not a single one of you can deny this one either, for the fans still out there, and for the assholes cracking the lame jokes about the man. I give you the one word that will make you all think and say, ya know, hes right, Michael Jackson is bad ass. And that one word?


No one in the world can deny that it is the most bad ass shit EVER.
And to further prove my point, I give you these.....

Still a douche bag and still crackin Michael Jackson jokes? Then I DARE you, I fuckin TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU. To find one person in this world that has not attempted to do this.....

He changed every single persons world. So fuck off Michael Jackson haters. Grow up, and moonwalk your ass on outta here. Youve been PWNED.

Let's talk about Andy Coates...

I was asked to review the blog belonging to Andy Coates...and to tell ya the truth, if I was Andy, I'm not so sure I would want my name sprayed across the top of the site. Andy is trying to help you and me figure out How to Make Money Online, but in all honesty, in reading his blog, I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. Most of it seems like Mumbo Jumbo you'd only find in the back office of a small computer repairs shop, and if it weren't for the Rules of this blog exchange, I probably wouldn't even bother with the site. It's obvious within the first few sentences that Andy is not from the US, which isn't such a bad thing, but it's also obvious that he doesn't have much of a sense of grammar. I almost feel like Gene Shallet or Roger Ebert, sitting on a couch watching a Carebears made for DVD movie, they found in a $5.50 bin at Wal Mart. It's pointless, ridiculous, and a little insulting to my intelligence. Hopefully you'll have better luck with Andy...because God knows, you're gonna need it.

Shame on Shamus!

Shame on you, Ryan Shamus! Shame on you for making the rest of us bloggers look like amateurs!!

In Ryan Shamus' blog, "Ryan Shamus Dot Com", Ryan talks to all of us about his quest to ultimately Make Money on the Internet. Currently, Ryan is hopping on the bandwagon of many bloggers before him, linking up with other Bloggers, to help spread the word about the Online Blogosphere and what we can all gain from it. Ryan's blog may not be the most entertaining blog on the net (that's what we're here for), but it is certainly informative. I found his musings on Blogs being a lot like Fish to be very interesting, and very original. I'm sure if you check out Ryan's blog, you'll find something that "hooks" you, and maybe...just'll be able to Make Money on the Internet as well.

I'm The Man - and that's what's UP.

Friday, May 11, 2007











and the NUMBER ONE FAMILY GU Y MOMENT OF ALL TIME.................................*drum roll*.......................................


Wednesday, May 9, 2007


Hey, everyone, lay off the Hoff man alright? So he got lil wasted, big deal, so did I.

Wanna know the real story? Straight from the Hoffs mouth?

Yes, his daughter did film it, why?

Well see, The Hoff has a lil problem, and he knows it. So he TOLD his kids to film him, next time he gets drunk, why?

So they will show him, the video, of what hes like, to help him stop drinking.

How did this video really come about?

Well see, his bitch ex wife, who he is currently in a nasty divorce with, got ahold of it, and made it public, to try and ruin him.

So ya know what? Heres a lil secret for her, you cant ruin him, HES MICHAEL KNIGHT BITCHES. KITT NEEDS TO RUN HER ASS DOWN!


I saw too many horror movies and listen to too much death metal so.....

Im gonna go kill a bunch of people.

Columbine, Virginia Tech, multiple other school shootings, and murders, and crimes that happen in the world. The very first thing that people blame, is movies and music. Why? Because the killers listend to Marilyn Manson, and watched horror movies, or The Matrix. In the words of Lex Luthor in Superman Returns....


So this is directed at the retards that blame movies and music. Movies and Music have ZERO to do with this shit. Its called being fucking CRAZY. I listen to metal, I watch TONS of horror movies, and Im not out killing people, neither are the millions of other people just like me. In fact, what those things called, HORROR MOVIE CONVENTIONS!

See, at these, its where people that watch horror movies and metal, come and hang out and laugh and have a great time talking about horror movies. Horror movie fans are actually the most friendly talkative people I have ever met. You dont see any Drama Movie Conventions do you?

The people like Dr. Phil that blame movies and music for violence need to get their heads out of their asses and use their shitty brains. If a kid goes out and kills a bunch of kids in schools, the FIRST thing that should be looked it is this magical world called, PARENTS. Its not what these kids watch, or what they listen to that brings them up to be little fucking retard psychos, its how they were raised. If it was movies and music, then MILLIONS of kids in the world would be shooting up and murdering people, but theyre not, why? Because they were raised right. And got a decent head on their shoulders.

Think about this....

Jack The Ripper, one of the most famous serial killers of all time. Killed people in England in 1888. Now lets think for a second. How many horror movies and metal bands were around in 1888. Im going to go with NONE! Non fucking existent. Or how about HITLER? Lets trace back shall we.... The horror movie that started it all, Psycho, was based on a serial killer Ed Gein. How many horror movies and metal do you think Ed Gein watched and listen to? NONE.

Im getting sick and tired of movies and music being blamed for this shit. And its time that people need to grow the fuck up, open their god damn eyes, and say whats really going on. Parents, raise your kids right please, dont be complete fuck ups. People are always worried about laws against drinking, and gambling, and well Im gonna steal from Keaunu Reeves in Parenthood with this, cause it makes alot of sense. "You need a licence to drive, hell you even need a licence to fish, but theyll let any ol asshole but a parent." They should make a law stating if you are a fucking moron and have a kid, that kid should go to a suitable family until you can get your shit together. I know they have something somewhat like this, but get a little tougher.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Phoenix Suns vs San Antonio Spurs. Thanks Magic

I have been a DIE HARD Phoenix Suns fan since I was a wee little lad. atleast 20 years now. And this year, finally, after all the years of waiting and hoping, we are the best we have been, and have the best chance to FINALLY win a damn championship!!!

But, there is a problem, a pain in my game, a thorn in my side...

The Spurs.

The Spurs own our asses. They eliminate us from the playoffs all the time. They kick our asses, and as of right now, theyre up 1 - 0 in the series. And things are not looking good.

Many believe, the winner of this series will win the NBA Title, no other team in the league that is still in the playoffs can touch the Suns or the Spurs. So some can say that this is the REAL NBA Finals going on right now.

Game 1 was brutal, neither team lead by anymore than 6 the entire time. And right at the end, Suns down by 2 with a little over a minute to go, star player Steve Nash cuts his damn nose open! And cant return to the game in time!

Thanks Magic Johnson, ruin it for everyone. Magic just had to go get HIV and make the NBA change the rules that if a player is bleeding a bit, theyre not allowed on the court. If no rule existed, the Suns would have had a better chance at being the ones up 1 - 0. Not down.

So tonight is Game 2. If the Suns win this, there is still a chance, if they lose. This series is over, because there is no way my Suns can come back from being down 2 - 0 against the Spurs, any other team yeah, but the Spurs? Im scared. =(

Monday, May 7, 2007

First off...


This is the most idiotic piece of shit hermaphrodite idiot that has EVER been on TV. This is simply the most gay shit I've ever seen on fuckin TV. Every time I'm watching wrestling, I have to sit through this faggot ass doing his gay little dance. I hope he chokes on his berries and cream and dies. He obviously gets so aroused at the thought of berries and cream Starburst, that he undoubtedly goes home and shoves them up his ass for pleasure. Yes, that's right, this little troll dwarf faggot has sex with his starburst and loves berries and cream up his ass. If they wanted a REAL commercial, they should've hired the Iron Sheik to run in, slap the camel clutch on this bitch, fuck his ass n make him humble! And now, a lovely piece from the berries and cream fags legion of fans........
and oh yeah, FUCK THAT PIECE OF SHIT. The End.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Iron Sheik, the Dream Match Goes Down!

Well, until a couple of days ago, I never looked at the Ultimate Warrior vs. the Iron Sheik as much of a dream match, but to my surprise, this one was actually quite interesting, and sadly, it provided more entertainment than 3/4 of WWE TV. Goes to show that 2 legends, in any given environment, can give us a show that will grab our attention no matter the circumstance, as where WWE puts on the same boring crap with the same guys they shove down our throats on a weekly basis. This showdown took place at a convention that also featured autographs from Hulk Hogan, and Bruno Sammartino among others. Too bad we didn't get a Hulkamania run in on this little confrontation, that could've been classic. Well the video is here, and we pick up right after apparently the Iron Shiek attempted to shake the Ultimate Warriors hand, and Warrior turned him down, calling him a hypocrite for going around saying that Warrior was on drugs, and that Warrior was a lesbian. Would have been interesting to see who would have whooped who's ass in this situation, as Sheik in his glory days would've broken warriors leg in 9 places, but being Sheik is in his 70's, and Warrior still looks to be in pretty good shape, would have been interesting...oh well, at least some moron got bitch slapped! On to the footage.........

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Devon's Spidey 3 Review!...sort of.

Originally Tony and I were expected to maybe have contrasting points of view about Spiderman 3, but in the end, we ended up having basically the same opinions. Which might explain why we're as good of friends as we rather than repeat most of the same things he had to say, I'm going to do my own spin on a Spiderman 3 review...

First and foremost, the thing I took from Spidey 3 more than anything else...

Bryce Dallas Howard is WAY hotter as a blond. Damn! The ill-fated Gwen Stacey outshines the droll Mary Jane Watson in this movie, in every way imaginable. Fans of the classic comic already know Gwen's unfortunate outcome, and if they go through with making more of these franchise blockbusters, I'm sure we'll see it take place in one way or another. In this movie, Gwen Stacey, portrayed by Bryce Dallas Howard, is the alternate source of female attention for Peter Parker, once he's cast out by Mary Jane. It's during this part of the film that we're treated to a new Peter Parker. A Peter Parker most of us aren't used to seeing....Peter Parker meets Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! Peter, under the spell of the black symbiote costume, finds himself attracting women left and right, and it's during this scene that we see him undergo a transformation from nerdy shy guy, to suave and sophisticated hip cat. His fashion switch looks like something only Carson Kressley (pictured right) could dream up. Suddenly we find Peter escorting the beautiful Miss Stacey to aswank jazz club, complete with singing waitresses...enter Mary Jane. What ensues next, is the closest thing you'll ever find to ridiculous in this trio of movies, but if you're a fan of Sam Raimi, it's something you should come to expect. People not familiar with Sam's work, are most likely going to bawk at the scene, but regardless of how cheesy it is or not, it still serves its purpose. All of this however, leads me to my only real gripe for the movie.

Peter's hair.

I'm not sure if it was part of Raimi's vision, or something the costume designers thought up, but the blatant use of Tobey Maguire's bangs, in combination with black eye liner, and what I assume was black Manic Panic hair dye, we were forced to bare witness to....EMO SPIDERMAN. Good lord... It's not just that, there's even a clip where Parker stops in front of his mirror, and pulls the bangs down over his eyes. The sheer fact that Parker would go out of his way to pull his bangs down, makes me question the sexuality of the symbiote. Suddenly, I'm staring at the screen, not sure if I'm watching Heroes, sitting at a Bright Eyes concert, or reviewing a DVD copy of Little Nicky. Either way, this whole "emo" Parker thing was - for me - the worst part of the movie.

Did I mention how hot Bryce Dallas Howard was?

Random Villains Spiderman 3 Review...

Many that know me, know my love for Spiderman. Ever since I was a little kid, I was a hardcore spidey fan. From the comics, to toys, to cartoons, to the weird Live Action show. I loved it all.

On top of that, I am a HUGE Sam Raimi fan. Many believe Tarantino and Kevin Smith were the directors whose movies I saw that made me want to be a film maker. Which is partly true, Pulp Fiction and Clerks were the movie I saw that made me wanna get serious about film making. But The Evil Dead is the movie I saw when I was a little kid that made me call my friends over and steal my parents VHS video camera and hit the backyard to make weird movies. Sam Raimi + Spiderman = GREATNESS for me.

The first Spiderman movie gave me chills and goosebumps, it was the best movie going experience of my life. Spiderman 2 was even better.

What I really love in the Spiderman world is Venom. So when it was announced the Venom was 100% in Spiderman 3, I was ready. Maybe a little, too, ready.

I hate reading reviews before I see movies, it makes me a lil jaded and tarnishes the movie going experience, but with this being Spiderman, I needed a little taste of what others were seeing, and sadly, it was no good. Most people I read reviews of hated it, a few thought it was GOOD, but not great, and a couple say its the best of the three. As for me? Im on the "it was GOOD, but not great" side.

Too long, if they shaved a bit off of it, it would have been alot better. More on that in a bit.

I know, Sam Raimi is corny, loves his jokes since he is a huge Stooges fan. And its a comic book movie, so it is bound to be a bit corny. But Spiderman 3 gets a little TOO corny sometimes. Mainly the Peter Parker Jazz dance bit, which is what could have been taken out to make it less corny, even though what happens at the end of that scene is shocking and very important. And the, Peter Parker buying a new suit dancing down the street bit was a lil too much, even though it was pretty damn funny.

People are reading a little too much into this movie though. Slight spoilers lie ahead....

Almost every review I see bitches about how every character cries in this movie. Well yes they do, but fuck! This is one emotional movie. Every character goes through some serious emotions, you would cry too asshole.

Also, people bitching about Kirsten Dunst singing in the movie, saying its bad and stupid. Well, no shit, its supposed to be bad and stupid, why do you think shes fired for it in the movie and ends up singing at some shitty hole in the wall Jazz bar? It fit into the story.

Come on, the main reason people got jazzed for this, is Venom. Venom in a Spidey movie is like getting Gambit in an X Men movie. Greatness. Venom only pops up and gets into action in the last 20 minutes or so of the movie. I know they have parts 4, 5, and 6 planned, so hopefully we will see Venom in all his glory in those movies.

Closing comments. I really dug this movie, the end fight scene was awesome, what I really love about the Spiderman movies and Sam Raimi in charge is it makes Spiderman suffer, he gets his ass KICKED in these movies but always makes it out. Sam Raimis saying is "you must first taste blood to be a true hero" unlike 90% of action movies out these days where the hero can withstand anything (The Marine) Onto another thing, people bitching about there being too many characters. Good! It kept the movie going strong, not once did this movie slow down at all. It started off great and kept me entertained for the 2 hours and 20 minutes I was in my seat. Something very few movies that are longer than 2 hours can do. So where do I stand? I say it is better than the first movie, mainly for Venom. But falls short of being better than the 2nd Spiderman movie, which to me is the best comic book flick out there. Now dont get me wrong, Spiderman 1 is an awesome flick, all 3 of them are. The ONLY reason Spiderman 3 doesnt score perfectly with me, is because it could have been a tad bit shorter, that is all. Everything else is awesome, Thomas Hayden Church kicks ass as Sandman, Ive been a huge fan of his since Wings, Bryce Howard works as Gwen Stacy for me, and J. Jonah Jameson is awesome as always. Bruce Campbell has his best cameo in this movie. Hopefully Sam Raimi and everyone will be back for part 4. I will be there opening night.

Spiderman: 9 out of 10
Spiderman 2: 10 out of 10
Spiderman 3: 9 1/2 out of 10