The Future Of The Phoenix Suns: The REAL Reason Why They Will Never Advance To A Title

So a while back, G.C. here wrote a blog about why the Suns will always choke in the Playoffs. And almost every one of the reasons were way off, and wrong. Last night the Suns, were yet again, eliminated by the San Antonio Spurs. For the 4th time in the past 6 years. Now, is that choking? No. The Suns are a 6th seeded team, the Spurs are the defending world champions. I think everyones main problem is ever since Shaq came to Phoenix, expectations went flying through the roof way too soon. As for me, I said from the start, I do not expect the Suns to win the title this year. Next year yes. Even though winning it this year, would be nice too. But why not this year? And now, why not next year? Reasons.....

1. Suns Coach Mike DAntoni. Many people like to blame the players for most of the things. But they never realize there is someone behind the players that are drawing up these idiotic plays, and keeping key players on the bench while keeping a cold shooter on the floor. Mike DAntoni doesn't understand Playoff Basketball. He doesn't understand that once the Playoffs roll around, there is no more time to experiment with things, shake up line ups, try things out. It's time to lock it down, and get business done. 3 years ago, the Suns made it to the conference finals. Last year they made it to the semi finals. This year only to the first round. Mike makes stupid decisions, he panics, and in turn causes his players to panic. Last minutes of games, even though Steve Nash is not hitting his shots, but players like Raja Bell are hitting everything. He will still draw up a play for Nash. And Nash will miss. He will draw up some idiotic play, the players will go out there and attempt to execute this play and turn the ball over. He will keep players like Boris Diaw, who in Games 1 and 2 were throwing the ball away, shooting poorly, and playing poorly in the game, while players like Brian Skinner, sit on the bench. Mike DAntoni never plays his deep bench, they sit almost the entire season, so when someone gets injured, the Suns are hurt all around. Like this series with the Spurs. Grant Hill, one of the Suns key players goes down with an injury. And since Mike never played his bench, he puts someone in and they can't perform well because they've been riding the pine for 82 games. And if that is not enough, lets look at what Mike has to work with....

Steve Nash - 2 Time MVP. And will soon be the ONLY MVP to not make it into the NBA Finals.

Amare Stoudemire - 2003 Rookie Of The Year and future MVP.

Raja Bell - 2006-07 All-Defensive First Team

Grant Hill - 1995 Rookie Of The Year. 2005 and 2008 Sportsmanship Award Winner

Boris Diaw - 05-06 Most Improved Player

Shaquille O Neal - MVP, Rookie Of The Year, 3 Time NBA Finals MVP, 4 Time NBA Champion

Leandro Barbosa - Sixth Man Of The Year

And with that line up, with those players all on the same time together. STILL can not reach the NBA Finals? Rumors have gone all over that if the Suns could not get it done, DAntonis future would be in question. And I hope so. Mike and Suns General Manager have argued over many things recently. And Mike DAntoni is rumored to be pissed at the lack of support he is getting from the head office of the Suns. Uh, hey Mike, CAN YA FUCKIN BLAME THEM?! Sorry Mike, but when it comes to whose said I will be on between you and Kerr, I think I am going to side with Steve Kerr. Kerr has 5 NBA Championship Rings on his hand. Mike has ZERO. So when it comes to what it takes to win a Championship, I think Steve Kerr knows what hes talking about.

2. The Conspiracy. Last year, Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw were suspended for 1 game during the NBA Playoffs against the Spurs. For this little incident.



Amare and Boris were suspended for "leaving the bench area during an on court altercation." Even though, earlier in that game, Tim Duncan and Bruce Bowen left the bench area during an on court altercation.

And now, this year....



A scuffle. Players on the Celtics team on the floor, leaving the bench. And guess what. NO SUSPENSIONS. And what makes it even better, is that DAVID STERN is in the crowd watching this. Same situation, but for some reason, no one gets suspensions this year. Hmmmmm...........

Hey look at this!



Last night, Mvs vs Hornets, altercation on the court.... Hey look! Players running onto the court! No suspensions. No fines, no nothing. Hmmmmmmmmm.........

Last night, Suns vs Spurs, the calls were pretty fair all game, some were stupid calls, but it was on both ends of the floor. But the strangest thing happened. The Suns were down by just 1 point, with under 2 minutes to go. And all of a sudden, EVERY call is going against the Suns, when some are CLEARLY supposed to go against the Spurs. Tim Duncan has the ball blocked by Shaq, the ball is knocked off of Tim Duncans hip and goes out of bounds. It is called out on Suns. They show the replay on TV, and confirmed, ball clear as day, out on Spurs. Nope, Spurs ball, they get the ball, score, thanks. I think my favorite moment though was when Tim Duncan was dribbling the ball under the hoop, and tripped on his own, leg. Falls to the ground. Foul on Suns. I guess Tim Duncans left leg is a Suns player? Dunno. But when one of the worst officiated games of the playoffs this year just happens to once again, be a Suns game. And once again, all the shitty calls go against the Suns. Just seems kinda fishy to me.

Anyways, all is said and done, another year gone. Was I expecting a championship this year? No. Do I expect one next year? Yes. This season I was saying theres no excuse for the Suns to not win it all, and there kinda wasn't but. Next year, there really is NO excuse. This season the Suns had a HUGE shake up, a major change in their lineup, and only had 20 games to get things together. But now, with having a full off season ahead of them. Plenty of time for everyone to get healthy, to get practiced, to get things locked down. But, with teams like the Hornets becoming what they are, and the Lakers getting their shit together. And the Celtics getting stronger. I feel like the window for the Suns to win a championship, may have closed.

Movie Trailers: Batman VS The Dark Knight

Eerily similar, no?

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Obviously the top one is from the original Batman, starring Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson, and the bottom one is the first trailer from the forthcoming "The Dark Knight", starring Christian Bale and Heath Ledger.

Hulk Hogan is having sex with Brooke Hogan!!!!???

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

More New Batman Posters!

Following this morning's budding theme of Dark Knight related material, here's a look at a few of the other posters floating around the internet. You'll notice the first one is an alternate version of the poster Random Villain wrote about a couple days ago.

The NEW DARK KNIGHT TRAILER!

Watch it while you can!!!!!!!!!



You know how the studios love to rip this shit down as soon as it gets put up. This trailer is far superior to the previous one, and only excited me more for this movie. Watch it!!

Movie Trailer: Quarantine

You may recall a blog awhile back where Random Villain touted REC as having the most intense trailer ever. In that blog, he mentioned that the film REC was being remade in to an American version, titled Quarantine. Well, I bring you the trailer to Quarantine, which is pretty much fucking frame for frame the same as the REC trailer, and just as intense and horrifying.

Click here to view the trailer in HD.

(apparently there's no poster out there for this movie yet, and if there is I sure as shit can't find it.)

The First Video Trailer for WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 09 is Here!

Hard to believe it's already time to begin the hype for the next in the Smackdown vs. Raw series, but here we are, and the first trailer is upon us. Seems the past few years, we've been given the same game with a couple of little touch ups and changes in characters. Hopefully, this year will be different. As the trailer shows, they're putting a big emphasis on tag team action. The new tag team career mode sounds very cool, and the video here shows some realistic tag team style action, and it's GREAT to finally see someone besides John Cena or Rey Mysterio as the first people we see on the damn game. Usually the first trailer is pretty awesome, this one is no different, I just hope that THQ realizes that TNA Impact is coming out, and it's being hyped heavily as a game that listened to the fans, and will be very WWE No Mercy-like, so Smackdown vs. Raw will hopefully step up it's game, and deliver a big time winner this year with the 2009 version!

New The Dark Knight Poster!

Woo look at that! I bet The Joker did that to that building, and that means the Joker and Batman are gonna fight! And they'll throw down highlander style! And fix the shit in Gotham and quit hurting Harvey Dents political party! Yeah I dunno, just look at the damn poster and get pissed that this movie is still 3 months away. But, we should be getting a new trailer for it in the coming days......

Jimmy Fallon Replaces Conan O'Brien

Next year, when the sun finally comes out behind dark clouds. And Jay Leno FINALLY leaves the Tonight Show, someone who is actually funny will be taking over. Conan O'Brien will be taking over duties on The Tonight Show. Which many have wondered, what does that mean for Late Night With Conan O'Brien? Reruns of Cheers? Or a new host?

It was made known, but won't be made official/public till next monthish, that Jimmy Fallon will in fact be taking over the Late Night duties. I don't really mind this. I hate Jay Leno. I love Conan. But I hate how late Conan is on, so now, Conan is on earlier, Leno is gone. And I don't give two shits about Fallon. So it is win all around!

It is not officially set as to an exact date when all the chair switching goes on between the three guys. Jay is expected to leave in May next year. No idea if Conan takes over right away, or if there will be a period where Conan won't step in for a couple months. Either way, I am a happy camper.

And yes, I know that is a strange picture for this topic. But what would you rather see a picture of, Leno? Conan? Fallon? Or some hot broad?

Hillary vs Obama: There Can Be Only One!

Hell yes, they need to throw down Highlander style! Fix the shit in Florida and Michigan, and quit hurting the Democratic party.

The cover of the new Time magazine.

Lego Batman Official Video Game Trailer!

When i first heard about this game, I was pretty pumped for it from the get go. Even though I'm not the biggest fan of Star Wars, the Lego Star Wars game was fun as hell, with great comedy, and really felt like a throwback game being it was just based on fun. Well I AM a big fan of Batman, and now Lego Batman is on the horizon, and it does not look like it will disappoint. This trailer looks awesome, as it appears to have included EVERY Batman character EVER pretty much (too many to even names here, but the trailer shows a ton of them,) a great storyline, that they all broke out of prison at once....and now of course Batman and his crew have to save Gotham. Now if this wasn't Lego, it would probably just be another Batman game. But with the Lego humor and game play thrown in, this game looks like it will be a BLAST. So check out this awesome trailer.....and share your thoughts on the greatness that will be Lego Batman!

In Theaters Tomorrow. 4/25/08

Meh, not much worth a damn.

Baby Mama - Successful and single businesswoman Kate Holbrook (Tina Fey) has long put her career ahead of a personal life. Now 37, she’s finally determined to have a kid on her own. But her plan is thrown a curve ball after she discovers she has only a million-to-one chance of getting pregnant. Undaunted, the driven Kate allows South Philly working girl Angie Ostrowiski (Amy Poehler) to become her unlikely surrogate. Simple enough… After learning from the steely head (Sigourney Weaver) of their surrogacy center that Angie is pregnant, Kate goes into precision nesting mode: reading childcare books, baby-proofing the apartment and researching top pre-schools. But the executive’s well-organized strategy is turned upside down when her Baby Mama shows up at her doorstep with no place to live.

I'd say out of all movies this weekend. If I HAD to go to the movies. I would go see this. I dig Tina Fey, and the previews make it seem entertaining. Either way, I'll give it a rent.

Harold And Kumar Escape From Guantanemo Bay - This time, the boys get themselves in trouble trying to sneak a bong onboard a flight to Amsterdam. Now, being suspected of terrorism, they are forced to run from the law and try to find a way to prove their innocence. What follows is an irreverent and epic journey of deep thoughts, deeper inhaling and a wild trip around the world that is as “un-PC” as it gets.

Yeah I'm not only going to pass watching this in theaters, but I'm also gonna pass renting. The first movie was not very funny. Sorry but the whole "American Pie" type of comedy is over. Shit I didn't even like American Pie all that much. Shits just not funny. The previews are retarded. OH MAN THE GUY CALLED THEM BOTH MEXICANS! BUT THEYRE NOT! OMG ITS SO FUNNY! OH LOOK HES ARAB, AND HES ON AN AIRPLANE, AND THEY THINK HES A TERRORIST!! R O F LLLL OH MAN SO FUNNY. Fuck, no, it's not. It's fucking stupid. But of course, somehow, this will be number 1. Because people are stupid.

Deception - "Are you free tonight?" A simple enough question, but how Jonathan McQuarry (EWAN McGREGOR) answers it will change his life forever. A corporate auditor adrift in a sea of New York's power elite, Jonathan's work is his entire life. But a chance meeting with Wyatt Bose (HUGH JACKMAN), a charismatic corporate lawyer, introduces Jonathan to a decadent playground for Manhattan's executive upper crust. For these power brokers, whose eighteen-hour workdays leave no time for a personal life, there's "The List" - a sex club, of sorts, where the right cell-phone number and four simple words ("Are you free tonight?") can lead to an evening's sexual fulfillment. It's a world of "intimacy without intricacy," as Jonathan's first conquest (or vice versa) explains to him, and through The List Jonathan discovers a side of himself that he didn't know existed. But an affair with a ravishing and mysterious stranger known to Jonathan only by her first initial 'S' (MICHELLE WILLIAMS), will expose him to yet another world he never imagined - one of betrayal, treachery and murder.

I saw the trailer for this in front of Sarah Marshall. Eh, i dunno. I think itll be one of those movies I plan to rent, and do rent, but never actually watch.

Rogue - A giant crocodile kills people. Nuff said.

This week is weak. Get it? Nothing matters this weekend since everyone that isn't a douche bag is counting down to next weeks IRON MAN. Which, heads up, actually starts next THURSDAY NIGHT at 8:00pm. May 1st.

Gamers Today Are Pussies. Nintendo is KING of all game systems.

Video games today are as popular as they've ever been. But where's the REAL challenge? Todays games are as advanced as they've been in years. Top quality sound and images. Anything can be done in video games today.

Except losing.

Todays youth that claim to be awesome at video games are lying little pussies. They were not around in the times of NES. When games had a real challenge. When you would throw your controller kick the NES and run out of the room. No games today cause any anger or madness. Remember Mike Tysons Punch Out? Of course you do. Remember how long it took and how hard it was to FINALLY get to fight Mike Tyson, and BOOM!! 1 fuckin punch GAME OVER. YOU LOSE. START BACK AT GLASS JOE UNLESS YOU WROTE DOWN THAT 15 DIGIT CODE! When you walked onto the playground, after weeks of trying. And were the ONLY kid there, that could say. "I beat Mike Tysons Punch Out" that shit was bragging rights. You were a gaming GOD.

Now these days, anyone can beat any game there is. Damn near every game these days have infinite lives. And if not, when its Game Over, you just start over at the last checkpoint. Game Over is Game Over. I don't even remember the last game I played where if I lost it said GAME OVER on the screen. It is just very strange to me, how insane games are these days, yet games on the NES rival games on the PS3 and 360 in levels of difficulty. I could pick up any game on the 360 or PS3 and have it beat, and usually within just a few short hours. No problem. Call Of Duty? Easy. Halo? Easier. Ghosts N Goblins on NES? FUCK THAT. Even I haven't beaten Ghosts N Goblins. Grand Theft Auto may be the best of the best when it comes to games today. But does it really stack up the difficulty level compared to MEGA MAN? Fuck no. Not even close. Resident Evil is pretty bad ass huh? How about you go try Maniac Mansion on for size?

So in all, kids today that brag about being gaming bad asses. Are nothing but pussies. With their infinite lives and unlimited continues at last check points. If you wanna impress me, go beat Bad Dudes without dying. Think you're a bad ass cause you can beat shit on Guitar Hero on expert? How about you go beat Rush N Attack kid. Then I will consider you worthy.

This is why Nintendo is king of all games. Nintendo offered REAL challenges. You run out of lives, tough shit, start over. Even Nintedo TODAY offers that. I recently just grabbed Contra 4 for my Nintendo DS. Jesus fucking christ. Even playing that damn game on Easy is tricky.

This is how I always end, and win, arguments over video games. "I have beat Kid Dynamite."

New Hancock Trailer Made Me Laugh?!

It's true. I sat here, and watched the new trailer for the Will Smith movie Hancock, and I laughed. A couple times actually. Shit looks funny. You can't go wrong with a drunken Superhero. Well, hopefully you can't. Will Smith is king of the let downs. Hopefully this will change.

Devon's New DVD Releases: 04/22/2008

In an attempt to appease our more "independent minded" readers, I thought I'd share a look at a few DVD releases I'm personally excited about.

My release of the week: The Savages.
The Savages stars the always brilliant Philip Seymour Hoffman, alongside Laura Linney, as two estranged siblings, thrust back together when faced with what to do with their ailing elderly father. It's a classic case of a good character study, and in my opinion both Hoffman and Linney excel in these pieces. If you're a big fan of Hoffman, check him out in Charlie Wilson's War, which isn't as boring as it might look.

Also this week:

Cloverfield.
Starring an ensemble cast of young and relatively unknown actors, under the helm of producer J.J. Abrams, Cloverfield takes a first person perspective of what it would be like if we were attacked by an unknown enemy of monstrous magnitude, and brings it directly to your doorstep. You may have been nauseated watching it on the big screen, but I'm sure you'll be just fine at home.

Trailer Park Boys: The Movie.
Holy hell, this movie is hilarious. When it came out in theatres, I was lucky to find ONE showing in my city, and I was right there to catch it. I've been a big fan of the Canadian TV series, which you can find on DVD or download. The movie centers around the three main characters, as they plot and devise a way to steal a massive gumball machine full of quarters from the local cineplex. If you're in to dry wit and Canadian humor, you'll love this movie.

Last but not least:

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! Season One.
You know you love the songs like Rolo Tony and Beaver Boys, so go ahead and pick this up so you can sing a long, and laugh you asses off. Season 2 is in to gear on Cartoon Network, but it's not too late to get caught up with Season One.

Random Villains DVD Picks Of The Week April 22 2008: Cloverfield, Blah they all suck

This week sucks. Cloverfield, The Orphanage, One Missed Call, Charlie Wilsons War, fuck it.

Yeah I really dont have much for a PICK this week since everything thats coming out sucks, sad news is next week doesnt get much better.

Fuck it, someone just come in and throw some amazon ads in. This week blows.

Phoenix Arizona Mystery Lights: What did Random Villain see in the sky last night?! Was it a UFO?

So, last night, about to head to bed. And of course, that is the time the dog chooses that he wants to go outside and take a crap. So, I throw on the flip flops, go down 3 flights of stairs, and stand around waiting for the dog to do his thing. And I'm lookin around, mindin my own business, when I peek into the skies above and see....Yeah, I know what you're saying. "What the fuck is that?" Hell if I know. I snapped that with my cell phone then headed back inside where it was safe.

Now, I'm not one to really believe in UFOs. I am one of those people that believe in things they actually see. Now what I saw was fucked up, the lights were all moving in one direction. I didn't stick around long enough to see because if it WAS UFO, I have seen Fire In The Sky enough times to know to not stick around and check strange flying objects out.

So this morning I check local news papers and such for answers, and strangely there is none. Many people in the same area as me, saw the same things, and pretty much just took the same damn pictures. From what happened afterwards, the lights moved to the east, and disappeared and soon after 3 jets came in from the west.

And as far as the local air force base is concerned, they have no idea what the hell it was either. They had no activities or tests or any of that hooplah going on last night.

This just racks up right next to what happened about 10 years ago called the Phoenix Lights. Look it up. Pretty much the same thing happening. Mulder and Scully best get their asses here.

Big Brother 9 Was My favorite TV Show This Season and now Live Feeds are Free

Yeah, I admit it. I like a lot of trashy television. I like reality TV. I didn't really care about the Hollywood Writer's strike because the TV writers suck. I was REALLY resistant to reality TV at first. I thought Survivor two times a year was two times too many. I couldn't believe that all these shows like The Amazing Race and Big Brother were coming back for multiple seasons, let alone the lower tier reality shows. Sure there have been oversaturation of trash and many reality shows have been cancelled after 1 or a couple episodes. But some of these shows just go on forever. Now I watch a lot of them.

As far as scripted TV- when there are 800 variations of Law and Order and Two and a Half men is a "hit comedy" - need I say more?

So my guilty pleasure is Big Brother. I never watched the first couple seasons, but the last 2 have brought me in. The decision to have an extra series this year was a good programming choice. Big Brother 9 ends soon and it won't be long until big Brother 10.

Of course since I only watch on CBS I miss a lot of the interesting shit. I'm a cheap bastard. I don't have regular Showtime, forget Showtime Too. And I am not paying for those live feeds. Besides why would I sit around watching that stuff all day. Might as wel get your money's worth. But then I realized something. I came across this blog post explaining how to Get the last week of Big Brother 9 Live Feeds for free.

It's a cool thing to know and I went ahead and signed up for it. I like taking advantage of free trials with everything ( mostly software) so it't pretty cool, especially when your free trial covers the whole period you need to use it.

The Phoenix Suns Will Always Choke in the Playoffs and Thats a Fact

The Phoenix Suns Will Always Choke in The Playoffs and Thats a Fact.

The NBA basketball playoffs are starting and that can only mean one thing- The Phoenix Suns will choke. Today they play the boring San Antonio Spurs. Now I like the Suns as much as the next guy ( even though they choke in the playoffs), and hate the Spurs. The Spurs include a dirty cheater who trips guys and jumps on their feet, a Guy nicknamed "Big Fundamental" who can't shoot freethrows, and the wife of some bitch off Desperate housewives. But the Spurs do not choke in the playoffs.

There are a few reasons The Suns will always choke in the playoffs.

1. Steve Nash. There is a reason Mark Cuban did not re-sign Steve Nash. Don't get me wrong. I am a huge Steve Nash fan. I was a fan back in 1996 when he was in college and almost no one thought this white kid from Canada would ever start in the NBA, let alone be a two-time MVP. But, Steve Nash chokes in the playoffs. He has played his entire career on many very good Dallas and Phoenix teams that should have won it all but didn't. When he went to Phoenix, the Suns got a lot better but Dallas didn't get any worse. Steve Nash does not lead teams in the playoffs. Phoenix chokes in the playoffs. So The Suns will always choke in the playoffs.

2. Deputy Shaq the Hack. The Suns got Shaq so Phoenix would not choke in the playoffs. The Matrix was leaving anyway, and they got a Hall of fame player in return. Not bad. But Shaq has never won it all by himself. He has always had Kobe or D Wade. Nash is no Kobe or Dwyane Wade, that's for sure. Neither is Grant Hill. Grant Hill drinks Sprite, like your fat uncle with arthritis. Dwyane Wade drinks Gatorade, like Mike. Shaq was always surrounded with superstars like Rick Fox and Robert Horry. He also had great clutch point guards like Derek Fisher. Steve Nash is no Derek Fisher; he isn't even Jason Williams.

3. Timmy Duncan. Like Shaq, Tim can't shoot free throws. But the greatest Power Forward of all time doesn't need to shoot free throws. Not when he has the all-world supporting cast of Tony Longoria, Chuck Finley, Brenda Barry, and Mano Geblowme. When Shaq gets the ball inside these days, he has trouble dunking over Earl Boykins. Anyone can foul him and watch him shoot free throws like some Third World kid who has never seen a basketball. Timmy Duncan can kick it out to one of his soccer teammates, who will head the ball into the hoop with amazing accuracy.

Tim Duncan is a leader and he elevates his teammates. Like Michael "Chuck" Finley ( I call him "Chuck" because of his amazing shooting ability and seamless replacement of the "Rifleman" Chuck Person, not because his wife beats him up on the way to games). We all know Mark Cuban hates the Suns. How much does he hate Phoenix? He pays Michael Finley $15 million a year to play for ANOTHER team. This way Finley can take out the rival Suns with his devastating 34% jumpshot. When you include the daughter of the Legendary Rick Barry, the amazing Argentine ballhandler, and Eva Longoria's wife- The Spurs have too many weapons to handle.

I hope the underdog Phoenix Suns can over come long odds and make their way through the playoffs. I just don't think they can do it though. Maybe if Steve Kerr suits up himself and gives them a hand.

Just know one thing for sure: The Phoenix Suns will always choke in the playoffs.
And thats a Fact.

Mortal Kombat Vs DC Universe Game?!?!

I found this on Gamefaqs today, had no idea about it. This is insanely awesome. Many fanboys are pissed about it, saying its stupid, that Superman can't be killed with a fatality cause hes Superman and blah blah blah Ill die a virgin kinda crap.

To that, I say shut the fuck up dweeb. Below is the teaser trailer for the game. I am assuming a game this big will be hitting all consoles later this year. Check it out.

Mortal Kombat Vs DC Universe Teaser Trailer

NBA Playoff Edition- Tim Donaghy Can't Fix Games this Time!

It's the most, wonderful time of the year. This years NBA Playoffs are going to be very, very interesting. Many rivalries already ignited. And some, seeking vengeance.To me, the Phoenix Suns shoulda been the NBA Champions last year. But Tim Donaghy decided to fix a playoff game so he could win a bet. And Stu Jackson decided to suspend Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw for something that Tim Duncan also did but received no such suspension. But hey, that was all last year, nothing can be said or done to change that....

Oh, except having a rematch. The Suns will seek their revenge this Saturday, when round 1 kicks off against the Spurs. Some are saying that the Spurs will win it easily. Some are saying the Suns will win it in a SWEEP. For me, a life long die hard Suns fan, I say Suns in 6. See this year, the Suns have 1 thing that they didn't have last year. Shaq. Tim Duncan fears Shaq. And so far in the regular season, the Spurs have yet to beat the Shaq/Suns connection.

As far as who will end up with the NBA Title? If the Suns stay focused, and play at the top of their game, there is no excuses. They can win it, they have the tools, and the ability. They just have to put them all to use. And as long as the Spurs are beaten, and the Lakers are eliminated, I am happy. Because the Lakers are annoying idiots, and their fans are not much better. I get heckled by Laker fans almost on a daily basis. Why does this show how they are idiots? Well, why would they heckle me telling me Suns suck, when the Suns have handed the Lakers their asses in the Playoffs two years in a row? And yes, I know, the Lakers have won a title, and the Suns haven't. But when was the last time the Lakers won a title? When Shaq was in LA. And hey, where is Shaq now? Exactly.

In Theaters Tomorrow 4/18/08 - Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Pathology, 88 Minutes

Pathology - A group of med students who hatch a scheme to see who can commit the perfect crime one that even a fellow pathologist couldn't unravel.

I saw the trailers for this, didn't seem interested at all. It has Peter Patrelli from Heroes in it which is cool I guess. He also played Rockys son in Rocky Balboa. Uh yeah, pass.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall - Struggling musician Peter Bretter (Jason Segel, Knocked Up, How I Met Your Mother) has spent six years idolizing his girlfriend, television star Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell, Veronica Mars). He’s the guy left holding her purse in paparazzi photos and accidentally omitted from acceptance award speeches. But his world is rocked when she dumps him and Peter finds himself alone. After an unsuccessful bout of womanizing and an on-the-job nervous breakdown, he sees that not having Sarah may just ruin his life. To clear his head, Peter takes an impulsive trip to Oahu, where he is confronted by his worst nightmare: his ex and her tragically hip new British-rocker boyfriend, Aldous (Russell Brand), are sharing his hotel.

I will for sure be there tomorrow night for this one. I'm a big fan of Jason Segel as well as the rest of the Apatow crew. And of course, Kristen Bell is hot as hell. Go see this.

88 Minutes - Al Pacino stars as Dr. Jack Gramm, a college professor who moonlights as a forensic psychiatrist for the FBI. When Gramm receives a death threat claiming he has only 88 minutes to live, he must use all his skills and training to narrow down the possible suspects, who include a disgruntled student, a jilted former lover, and a serial killer who is already on death row, before his time runs out.

This seems like a renter to me.

The Forbidden Kingdom - An American teenager who is obsessed with Hong Kong cinema and kung-fu classics makes an extraordinary discovery in a Chinatown pawnshop: the legendary stick weapon of the Chinese sage and warrior, the Monkey King. With the lost relic in hand, the teenager unexpectedly finds himself traveling back to ancient China to join a crew of warriors from martial arts lore on a dangerous quest to free the imprisoned Monkey King.

I'm not a fan of the Chan. Well not anymore that is. And Jet Li is alright. Maybe I'll rent this. Who knows.

Limited Releases

Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden - Morgan Spurlock, director of the unforgettable Super Size Me (2004 Festival), returns with a surprising follow-up: his search for the most wanted man on earth. And as he did with fast food, he’s determined to go the distance. Amazed by Osama bin Laden’s success at evading capture, gung-ho Spurlock sets out to locate the Al Qaeda leader in a manhunt that takes him to Egypt, Morocco, Israel, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, and finally Pakistan (where most fingers point).

SPOILER - He doesn't find him. From what I have heard from people that saw a sneak screening, it is a boring idiotic piece of shit of a movie. But, I think I'll rent it anyways.

Zombie Strippers - Worldwide media sensation JENNA JAMESON and Nightmare on Elm Street’s ROBERT ENGLUND star in ZOMBIE STRIPPERS. When a secret government agency lets out a deadly chemo virus causing the reanimation of the dead, the first place to get hit is Rhino’s, a hot underground strip club. As one of the strippers gets the virus, she turns into a supernatural, flesh-eating zombie stripper, making her the hit of the club. Do the rest of the girls fight the temptation to be like the star stripper, even if there is no turning back? Also featuring ROXY SAINT (of the Goth band Roxy Saint and the Blackouts) and Ultimate Fighting Champion TITO ORTIZ, ZOMBIE STRIPPERS is a sexy, bloody, hilarious good time!

Uh, yeah. Tito Ortiz.... Jenna Jameson... in a movie together, with Robert "Ill be in anything as long as you give me 20 bucks" Englund. You know a movie is bad when you turn off the TRAILER for it. Which is exactly what I did. I will not be renting this, or watching it on cable. In fact I think I am going to stay as far away from this movie as possible. Ugh.

In closing. Just a bunch of renters, with a must see in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Random Villains DVD Picks Of The Week, Commando, Predator- all about Arnold

Today we get on DVD a bunch of crap pretty much. Juno, which for some reason everyone in the world loved, I didn't see what was so special about it. We got Lars And The Real Girl which is about the dude from The Notebook who falls in love with a blow up doll or some shit. Alien Vs Predator Requiem, Before The Devil Knows Your Dead, In The Name Of The King A Uwe Boll Siege, and a bunch of other shit, so is there anything GOOD coming out today?!

Well if you are a queer with an X Box 360, no.

If you are a bad ass with a Playstation 3 or Blu Ray player, FUCK YES.

Today brings us the releases of.... yeah, these should be the only 2 DVDs today that matter. I went and bought my copies this morning. I will be having Shwarzenegger night.

Megan Fox topless in Jennifers Body?! Weeee!!!!

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Artie Lange quits the Howard Stern Show....

If you didn't catch this this morning, for whatever reason, you're probably a shmuck anyways, but this morning major dramz hit the Howard Stern show. Artie Lange, the venerable fat, loud, disgusting, slob on Stern's show really flew off the handle. Lange flips out on his assistant, attacks him, tries to kill the fucking kid, and then apparently quits the show and leaves. Meanwhile Robyn is freaking the hell out, Howard is completely aloof, and Bababooey is stupid as usual. The shit really hit the fan...

This is seriously not safe for work stuff, and is easily one of the most controversial things to happen on Stern's show in recent history. Thank god they're on Sirius Satellite Radio, otherwise this would be nothing but bleeps...

What the hell happened to Artie Lange? The whole thing was pretty raw and hardcore. Kinda fucked the show up for the rest of the morning. Interesting to see where it's gonna continue to go.

Listen here: (we'll see how long this lasts on Youtube)

PART 1.


PART 2.


PART 3.

Three Sheets Season 3 starts tonight.

For those lucky enough to live in the land of HD. You know that the Mojo channel kicks major ass. And you should also know that the show, Three Sheets, hosted by Zane Lamprey, is the best show on that channel, and on almost any other channel as well.

So for those that are fans, and for those not in the know, Season 3 begins tonight. What is Three Sheets you may ask? It is a travel reality show where our host Zane takes us all over the world to try out what people in other lands are gettin hammered on. I love to travel, and I love beer. So this show is perfect for me. And it doesn't hurt that the host is pretty damn awesome as well.

So if you have HD, and have not seen this show yet, I highly recommend watching the Season Premiere tonight on Mojo HD.

Also you might like to know that this is the first show ever created for television that also includes a drinking game! The rules are...
When Zane drinks, you drink.
First person to see the monkey makes someone else finish their drink.
And when Zane talks about his friend, Steve McKenna, it's a social (everyone drinks).

Here are some highlights from the first season. Both Seasons 1 and 2 are available on DVD and fairly cheap at that over on amazon. Season 2 just came out this week.

In Theaters Tomorrow April 11 2008- Street Kings, Prom Night, Smart People

Gonna try a lil new weekly thing here in the land of Devon Lohan. Giving our faithful readers a little heads up as for what's in store for them in theaters this weekend.

Prom Night - Donna’s senior prom is supposed to be the best night of her life. After surviving a horrible tragedy, she has finally moved on and is enjoying her last year of high school. Surrounded by her best friends, she should be safe from the horrors of her past. But when the night turns deadly, there is only one person who could be responsible…a man she thought was gone forever. Now, Donna and her friends must find a way to escape the sadistic rampage of an obsessed killer, and survive the night. Which she will, the killer will die, and so will 98% of her friends.

Yes, a remake. A PG-13 rated remake, to a horror movie that was rated R. Will I see this? Fuck no. Do I recommend you seeing this? Fuck no.

Street Kings - Keanu Reeves plays Tom Ludlow, a veteran LAPD Vice Detective. Ludlow sets out on a quest to discover the killers of his former partner, Detective Terrance Washington (Terry Crews). Forest Whitaker plays Captain Wander, Ludlow’s supervisor, whose duties include keeping him within the confines of the law and out of the clutches of Internal Affairs Captain Biggs (Hugh Laurie). Ludlow teams up with a young Robbery Homicide Detective (Chris Evans) to track Washington’s killers through the diverse communities of Los Angeles. Their determination pays off when the two Detectives track down Washington’s murderers and confront them in an attempt to bring them to justice.

This sounds like an episode of The Shield. And since I am a big fan of The Shield, I will be seeing this movie. What I find really funny on top of this sounding like an episode of The Shield, take a look below.....

Smart People - Professor Lawrence Wetherhold (DENNIS QUAID) might be imperiously brilliant, monumentally self-possessed and an intellectual giant – but when it comes to solving the conundrums of love and family, he’s as downright flummoxed as the next guy. His teenaged daughter (ELLEN PAGE) is an acid-tongued overachiever who follows all too closely in dad’s misery-loving footsteps, and his adopted, preposterously ne’er-do-well brother (THOMAS HADEN CHURCH) has perfected the art of freeloading. A widower who can’t seem to blah blah blah blah blah blah blah fuck this.

I think I am one of the very few people in the world that is not an Ellen Page fan. Why is she so great? She acts the same in every single movie, shes like the little girl version of Denzel Washington.

Ugh what a lousy weekend, May can't come soon enough.

New DevonLohan.com Contributing Writer Policy

After considering feedback and much comtemplation, I have decided to make a policy revision regarding comment moderation and allowable content.

I am probably the biggest "free speech" and lassie faire guy around. When I invite someone to write here, I pretty much want them to write anything they choose. The same goes for comments.

This does not extend to personal attacks on fellow contributors. There has been much "drama" between certain writers and it has been a huge distraction. It has lowered the discourse and made this blog a shitty place.

From now on, no personal attack posts or comments will be allowed. These posts will be deleted immediately. The blogger will receive a warning for the first offense. A second incident will result in a one month suspension. Three strikes= the writer will be removed from the blog and replaced. I hope that is clear and fair.

I believe this change will result in a much more productive blog that is more interesting to readers.

Leave Uwe Boll Alone!!!

Uwe Boll. A modern day Ed Wood. Well a petition has been going around, to get him to stop making movies. And it has almost his 200,000 signatures, yikes. And Uwe Boll himself has said if the petition ever hits 1,000,000 he actually will stop making movies.

And to me that's kinda sad. See, when a Uwe Boll movie is coming out, you know what you're gonna get. A total shit fest. And sometimes it is so shitty, it is amusing. I mean House Of The Dead is such a piece of shit that I was entertained by it. And shit people, it's not like hes FORCING you to watch it. And it's not like hes taking franchises that we all know and love and ruining them. So who DOES deserve a petition like this?

Brett Ratner for starts. This guy sucks so fucking much his movies aren't even entertaining. They're just piles of fucking shit. Did Uwe Boll take over the X Men movies that kicked major ass and totally ass rape them? No sir, that was Brett Ratner responsible for that mess.

McG. Charlies Angles 1 and 2. Enough said.

Stephen Sommers. The Mummy movies, Van Helsing, christs sake. Fuck this guy. I was really looking forward to Van Helsing, then I saw it and I wanted to shit my own brain out.

The list could go on, there are many directors out there worse than Uwe Boll. He's making little movies, based off minor video games, that are blips on the radar. As opposed to big name directors, taking big name franchises, and turning them into piles of shit.

So leave Uwe alone, if you want to start a petition to stop a director, stop Ratner, or McG (seriously who the fuck calls themself that?) or Sommers, or fuck even Paul WS Anderson. Fuck that guy too. Resident Evil could have kicked major ass had it anything to do with the actual game. ugh.

Oh also, Uwe Boll delivers hot naked chicks in his movies. Brett Ratner and everyone else, not so much.

Hey Yo! The Rambling Of Random Villain

You fucks want a blog? Fine.

You know what really grinds my gears? Chicks that COULD be really damn hot, but they choose to just fuck themselves up more and more and look even worse every time I see them. Example. Amy Winehouse. This broad is gross. She has bacteria growing on her face, crazy ugly eyebrows, hair that birds live in, and her crack addict body to boot. Remove all that, and she could be really hot. So what the hell? And most of all, this goes double for Britney Spears. Who really isn't all that bad. I saw her last week on the show How I Met Your Mother and damnit, she was cute! There was a time in my life where Britney was the cutest damn thing in the world, and now shes batshit crazy, and she smokes, blagh, smoking.

You know what site I really hate and want to get into fisticuffs with? TMZ.COM What a bunch of fuckin idiots. Every post they put is either the more idiotic shit ever that I don't see why anyone would care, or it's always something insulting. And their TV show, jesus christ what a bunch of tools. They had a piece on their shitty show, (I saw it, cause my Mom watches the damn show and its always on when I stop by my parents) where Jason Priestley was at the gym, working out, and they had a picture of him, and were talking about how sweaty he was..... seriously. Holy shit people! A guy at the gym is working out and hes sweating! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Fucking retards. TMZ is like the Wrestlezone of gossip sites. Shut the fuck up TMZ. Go drink your starbucks and report on more shit only 50+ year old women and Devon give a fuck about.

Hollywood Remakes. Hey Hollywood, here is a novel idea. Instead of remaking movies that were good in the first place, why not take movies that sucked ass but had potential and remake those? Call me crazy, but it might be better than seeing remakes that no one wants to see in the first place. Like Bill And Teds Excellent Adventure, and Short Circuit, no one on the planet wants to see those movies remade. But I bet you anything if Van Helsing was remade with better actors and a better director and writer, I know I for one would be VERY interested in seeing it done properly.

X Box 360 nerds rank right next to Laker fans. They have no logic, and even in stats, sales, standings and products prove that they are wrong, somehow, in their idiotic mind, they are always right. I don't understand this logic. I got into an argument the other day with a 360 fan in a Game Stop, of course, he works there. And remember kids, the customer is always right, unless youre in Game Stop. Guess what 360 fans, shut the fuck up, and go watch your Blu Ray... WAIT A MINUTE, YOU DON'T HAVE BLU RAY. Oh well, maybe you can go play X Box Live, if you paid the 50 dollars to do so, Ill be busy playing online for free. Wireless. You can go play wireless too, if you paid the extra 100 bucks to buy the add on for the X Box to enable wireless online play, as for my PS3, it came with it. And yes, I hear you, X Box had, HAD, HD DVD, but you can watch those.... if you bought the HD DVD drive to go with your X Box, paying even MORE money, for shit that is already included on the PS3. Sorry kids, but just because X Box has Halo, doesn't mean shit. PS3 is superior, face it, deal with it, and have fun. You know why there are hoards and hoards of X Box fans all over the internet, and in game stores, arguing with their anger? Because they are busy waiting for their 360s to return in the mail after Ring Of Death.

That is all for now. X Box sucks. Remakes of movies no one wants to see sucks. And chick that are hot but choose to let themselves go to shit suck. And most of all, TMZ sucks.

Goodnight folks.

Our Bloggers Don't Blog- Because We Don't Want Them to Die.

Posts have been slow, and it's for a reason. We don't want our bloggers to be the latest victims of Death by Blogging.

We are refusing to pay our Bloggers or give them any work.

It is for their own good.

We don't want them to DIE!

Sure we could pay them a shitload of money and have them write many many posts. But we don't believe in working our guys to death. Work is overrated. Money is overrated.
We want these guys to live a long long time.

Michael Arrington has gained 30 pounds from blogging! Fuck! Our guys can't handle that risk. We need to protect them from themselves and keep their hearts ticking.

We are asking everyone to take unpaid leaves and go on vacation for awhile. We hope they come back leaner and stronger. Then they will be ready for their new Four Hour Workweek.

Work Smarter, Not harder.

Peace.

Craigslist freaks me out. Hairy Bush and Nasty Hairy Penises Everywhere!

The internet is a scary, scary thing.

Maybe someone can explain to me, where people get the nerve to post pictures of their genitalia, accompanied by pictures of their faces and names, for all the world to see?

Take a trip to Craigslist.org and check out the casual encounters section. I implore you to do this with a group of friends in a safe environment. What will transpire is nothing short of hilarious and good times to be had by all.

I just can't grasp what would make someone think it's a good idea to do this. I mean, sure... everyone knows the internet is the Devil's Playground when it comes to debauchery and sin. Every kind of evil, dark, filthy thing is readily available. I get that. I also stay away from that. However.... personal ads, with candid shots of your own 'junk' is something altogether different and beguilling. What if your coworkers saw you? This isn't that big of a city! I know that if I saw a coworker on there, with his/her mojo out there for the world to see, I'd have a shit fit, my friends. The sheer humiliation of seeing someone you associate with on an everyday basis naked on the internet is unfathomable.

What gets me more is, what kind of people respond to these ads? I'm not talking about personal ads, either. This isn't EHarmony, or Match.com... this is straight up nasty ass people, posting their nasty ass penises and hairy bushes on the internet. If you're stuff looks that horrible, why would you want to show it off? The people who post the ads are sick, but how sick do you have to be to freakin' reply to one of them?! What in your mind would make it acceptable to begin a relationship, physical or otherwise, with someone who prior to your meeting posted a picture of their dick and balls on the internet?

It blows my mind, man. Is this the sorta thing we have looking forward to more of in the future? How long until there's a channel of just 24/7 dicks and vaginas on the screen, with a phone number along the bottom?

Ugh..........

Screen Legend Charlton Heston, dies at 84.

LOS ANGELES - Charlton Heston, who won the 1959 best actor Oscar as the chariot-racing "Ben-Hur" and portrayed Moses, Michelangelo, El Cid and other heroic figures in movie epics of the '50s and '60s, has died. He was 84.

The actor died Saturday night at his home in Beverly Hills with his wife Lydia at his side, family spokesman Bill Powers said.

Powers declined to comment on the cause of death or provide further details.

courtesy: Associated Press

Why should you own a PS3?

Leading the Blu-ray Hi-Def pack is the Batman Begins Limited Edition Gift Set ($49.99 SRP). The single disc Blu-ray Hi-Def Gift Set also includes The Dark Knight prologue" (the first six minutes of the film), a Batman Begins motion art lenticular, a 32-page booklet including an all-new DC Comics comic book adaptation of The Dark Knight prologue, exclusive photos, script pages and story boards. This Gift Set will also include five Batman Begins collectible postcards with never-before printed key art from the theatrical release, as well as $7.50 "movie cash" towards the purchase of an adult ticket to see The Dark Knight in theatres.

A single disc Blu-ray Hi-Def version ($28.99 SRP) of Batman Begins will also be available. This also features The Dark Knight prologue.

What The Hell Hollywood?

Good freakin lord. Hollywood has lost its fucking mind. How so?

Exhibit A: Bill And Teds Excellent Adventure, is being remade, and is going direct to DVD. Who in the fuck is going to watch that? See I am annoyed with remakes for this soul purpose. Now if they waited 50 years, alright sure, update it, but when all the jokes still work and the movie is still loved all over, don't bother it. Anyways, it doesn't take a scientist to know that Alex Winter won't be involved with this shit, let alone Keanu Reeves or George Carlin, shit they probably won't even get Missy back. Fuck this movie, and fuck McG. McG isn't involved, but he might as well be.

Exhibit B. Without A Paddle 2. Yeah exactly. Someone somewhere thought that the Matthew Lillard Seth Green masterpiece needs a direct to DVD sequel, since the first one was a pile of shit.

I quit.