Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Last Post Of 2008

The year is coming to a close. Personally for me this has been one of the most insane years of my life. I'm pretty sure most people don't go through as much shit in their entire lives than I did in this year alone. Dealing with buying my first house, marriage, death, birth, all rolled into one. Oy vey. 2009 I plan on taking things easy. So that is my New Years Resolution! To take it easy. Smooth sailing. No madness, just relaxation all year long. Tonight I plan to just hang out at home. I don't really like going out on New Years, too many crazy people out there the last thing we need is one more crazy person lurking about. Besides I'm not too fond of big crowds and bars. I am not a good bar person. For you I might be, for myself no. See I am one of those happy drunks. When I get drunk, everyone is my best friend and I end up starting a tab and buying everyone drinks, complete strangers even.

So with that, thanks for reading through this year, and for a fun game to kill your time, take a look back and count how many times Devon quit the blog and acted like a baby this year. It has to be somewhere over 10 times, I'm too lazy to go back and read through everything.

Happy New Year.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Fuck Random Villain

Fuck this place - I'm out!

Devon's Top 15 Movies of 2008

Yesterday Random Villain shared his Top 10 of 2008 list with us, and I promised to have mine up today, so here it is. You'll notice it's not really anywhere near the same as his, even though I saw most of the same flicks. Also, I did a Top 15, because I couldn't really fit them all in to 10. There were a lot of good damn movies in 2008! I based my list off really one sole thing, and that was how much the movie entertained me. I judged the entertainment based off of how much I enjoyed the different aspects of the movie. So it's not about direction, or acting, or anything like that, it's just about how much I enjoyed the movie. With each selection I've included the short IMDB summary, and my own thoughts. So here we go:

15. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian.
The Pevensie siblings return to Narnia, where they are enlisted to once again help ward off an evil king and restore the rightful heir to the land's throne, Prince Caspian. Caspian isn't my favorite of C. S. Lewis's books, but it's up there. I definitely think I enjoyed this more than Wardrobe.

14. Jumper.
A genetic anomaly allows a young man to teleport himself anywhere. He discovers this gift has existed for centuries and finds himself in a war that has been raging for thousands of years between "Jumpers" and those who have sworn to kill them. I'd say off of the Star Wars movies, this is probably Hayden Christensen's best work, but its the story of the movie that I really enjoyed. Being able to teleport anywhere you wanted is an awesome fantasy. Oh, and Rachel Bilson is smokin.

13. Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Devastated Peter takes a Hawaii vacation in order to deal with recent break-up with his TV star girlfriend, Sarah. Little does he know Sarah's traveling to the same resort as her ex ... and she's bringing along her new boyfriend. I saw this movie on a really bad date, so I didn't quite get to enjoy it the first time, but upon seeing it again on DVD I really enjoyed myself. Never mind the over abundance of dick swinging on screen, this movie is really funny and charming. Kristen Bell and Mila Kunis are both gorgeous and this movie serves to showcase it. Peter Segal in his writing debut is very, very funny.

12. Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
Famed archaeologist/adventurer Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones is called back into action when he becomes entangled in a Soviet plot to uncover the secret behind mysterious artifacts known as the Crystal Skulls. I reviewed this movie back in May, and as I recall I really liked it. It's definitely not my favorite Indy movie, but it was one of my favorites this year.

11. Wanted.
A frustrated office worker learns that he is the son of a professional assassin, and that he shares his father's superhuman killing abilities. What is more awesome than finding out you're the son of the world's greatest assassin, and now that he's dead you have to take up his mantle? Probably the most action packed movie I saw on DVD this year, I know my surround system was about to explode off the walls.

10. Cloverfield.
During a surprise leaving party, the lights go out and the ground begins to shake. With explosions happening everywhere, the party-goers decide to leave the apartment. Accompanied by a hand-held video camera, Hud manages to capture on film the terrifying incidents that occur. The hype leading up to Cloverfield had me captivated, and when the movie came out people were pretty much 50/50 over liking it. I was in the 50% who really did like it.

9. Sex and The City.
Four beautiful female New Yorkers gossip about their sex-lives (or lack thereof) and find new ways to deal with being a woman in 2008. The big screen version of the hit HBO comedy. I was always a fan of the show. No problem saying it. It was funny, sexy, and Curb Your Enthusiasm came on right after it. The movie was actually a lot better than I expected, hence it being on my list. It's funny, and sexy, of course... but it's also a real look at how people cope with what's going on around them.

8. Quantum of Solace.
Seeking revenge for the death of his love, secret agent James Bond sets out to stop an environmentalist from taking control of a country's valuable resource. I'll be honest, I just finally this movie like a week ago... but it was damn sure worth the wait. It's not as good as Casino Royale, but it's close. The women are better looking, the explosions are a little bit bigger, and M is a little bit older... but it lacked some of the passion of the first film. The plot's a little weak in parts too, but overall it's better than anything starring that dude from Beautician and the Beast.

7. Funny Games.
Two psychotic young men take a family hostage in their cabin. I chastised RV yesterday for not including this on his list. Easily the most vicious movie I've ever seen. I honestly felt sick at the end of it, and that goes to say something. I've seen a lot of fucked up movies, but something about this one felt so much more real and evil. There's one weird spot towards the end that kinda leaves you scratching your head, but you forget all about it immediately after. Not for the weak at heart, if you ask me.


6. Pineapple Express.
A stoner and his dealer are forced to go on the run from the police after the pothead witnesses a cop commit a murder. It's not just the name of some bomb ass weed, it's also a really funny movie. Typical Seth Rogen behavior can be expected, but it's James Franco and Danny McBride that really shine. If you're a fan of the smoke, or just a fan of good buddy movies, this one is for you.

5. Iron Man.
When wealthy industrialist Tony Stark is forced to build an armored suit after a life-threatening incident, he ultimately decides to use its technology to fight against evil. IM has always been one of my favorite superheroes, because not only is he is BAMF, but Tony Stark is also one of the richest dudes in the world. Stark Tower was always the shit in the comics, when everyone would gather there to discuss taking on villains. I can't wait to see that come up in the next movies.

4. The Incredible Hulk.
Fugitive Dr. Bruce Banner must utilize the genetic accident that transforms him into a giant, rampaging hulk to stop a former soldier that purposely becomes an even more dangerous version. Edward Norton is one my favorite actors and can usually no wrong by me, but it's not even right how awesome he is in this movie. Forget all about Eric Bana and that other Hulk movie, this one is the shit. Featuring like one of the longest CG fight scenes ever, and just a really better version of the story, The Incredible Hulk one of the most incredible movies this year.

3. Mamma Mia.
The story of a bride-to-be trying to find her real father told using hit songs by the popular '70s group ABBA. I'll probably catch shit for this one, but whatever. I saw the stage show a couple years ago, and it was so awesome, so I was excited to see this movie. I'm a fan of ABBA, I'll admit it. Always have been. Mamma Mia is not just a musical, it's a really funny and charming movie. The singing didn't seem as refined to me in this movie as the stage show, but what can you expect out of Pierce Brosnan and Meryl Streep? Plus it's one of those movies you can watch with your Mom or your Nana and everyone enjoys it the same.... that's normal, right?

2. Step Brothers.
Two spoiled guys become competitive stepbrothers after their single parents get hitched. I had a hard time with this and the number one movie, and really went back and forth on which one would be the top. In fact, on my written version of this list, Step Brother IS number one. This is definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, the funniest movie I have ever seen. No lie. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly were born to make comedy together. You ever laugh so hard that you lose control of the laugh and for a second you get scared that you're gonna run out of breath? Everything goes bright white, and your eyes are squeezed shut so hard? That happened to me THREE TIMES watching this movie. True, I may or may not have been under the influence of the herbal supplements, but irregardless. This movie is non stop hilarious. I've got in on DVD and have already watched it 3 times. It doesn't get old at all! Sonofabitch it makes me wanna slap somebody.

1. The Dark Knight.
Batman, Gordon and Harvey Dent are forced to deal with the chaos unleashed by an anarchist mastermind known only as the Joker, as it drives each of them to their limits. I wrote probably my longest review ever about this movie back in July. I announced that instantly the 13 year old record Braveheart held as my favorite movie was shattered, and now 5 months later I still feel the same way. The Dark Knight is the greatest cinematic masterpiece I have ever seen. It feels weird to say that about this movies, considering it's about Batman.. but forget all about that. It felt like a classic gangster movie, or it reminded me of Heat. It's the complete package, and was so fortunate to be the last complete role played by Heath Ledger, who will go down as a legend for his portrayal of The Joker. When it came down to it, I argued over whether this or Step Brothers entertained me more, to earn my #1 spot... and when I really think back about it, The Dark Knight left me breathless, and made me feel alive. What other movies really have that ability? I watched it again on DVD last week, and it was just as good as the first time. It makes me want to cheer out or clap for it, sitting in my own home. This is a movie lovers film, but it's also a film for people who like movies. 2009 has really big shoes to fill.

Monday, December 29, 2008

The VHS Is No More..... A Eulogy....

The very first VHS tape I ever remember owning, was Three Amigos. Sure I had cartoons here and there and a few movies scatterer around but the very first VHS I was given that was mine and mine only was Three Amigos, this was also the first movie I ever saw in the theater. I was the tender age of 5 when I saw it in theaters. And I was 6 when I got it on VHS. I got it on Christmas. I had a wagon as a present and in the wagon was tons of scattered toys, Ghostbuster toys, He Man toys, and that 1 VHS. Now every Christmas I was suck up until I was 14. So that Christmas, with a bad case of the flu, I laid on the couch after opening presents, and put in Three Amigos on VHS and watched it over and over all day.

A couple years down the line, when I was in the 2nd grade, my Mom and Dad dropped the bombshell on me. The kinda news that parents drop on their kids that change the course of that childs life forever. My parents were going to buy and run a video store. A mom and pop shop in the far corner of a shopping center. Life would never be the same.

My love for movies grew 10 times bigger that day. Every weekend or day off from school I would go to work with my Mom and my Dad. I would put away VHS movies, and sit in the back room and watch countless movies. It was there that I saw many many movies for the first time, it was there in the hordes of VHS movies that I decided I wanted to be a director. A VHS came along by the name of "Clerks." that changed everything.

Every Tuesday was the best day of the week in the summer time. That was when new releases would come out. 8am every morning me and my Mom would climb into the car and head to the warehouse where THOUSANDS of VHS movies were held. They ran this place to distribute all the new releases to video stores, as well as for stores to come and pick up older titles, or order them. We would go every Tuesday morning to get the newest movies and go to the video store and put them out for rent. We would also grab screeners. Which is just a copy of the movie on VHS, before it was supposed to come out on VHS. I remember bragging to my friends about already having Encino Man before it was to come out. That copy of Clerks I got was also a screener, it came in the box with another movie, called Pulp Fiction. I saw Clerks and Pulp Fiction on VHS for the first time ever on the same day, my 12 year old brain was blown away forever.

At home, we had one of those huge VHS home video cameras. Me and my friends would make movies with our action figures, or film our own talk shows. We would take these tapes and pass them around at our Jr High, they became something of an, "underground" thing that all the kids would pass around.

It was around that time that the fun would end. Something called Laserdisc came around and of course, we got a player. I remember getting Jurassic Park for it, the best day of my life. Jurassic Park on LASERDISC! And yeah, I still have a huge laserdisc collection and a working laserdisc player. But that never caught on. We had gave up on trying to rent out that format and started to order something called... DVD..... you know what happened after that.

Across the street, the bastards known as Blockbuster Video opened up. Our little store didn't stand a chance. Right when DVD was set to start rolling in, we closed down. Our little mom and pop shop had DVDs in stock, but the Blockbuster didn't. We closed down, and that was that.

In High School, I sold out, and got a job at Blockbuster. It wasn't the same. It sucked. But something happened. My manager was a bitch. A giant, fat, idiotic woman. Blockbuster had still yet not started carrying DVDs. A few stores here and there were, but that was all. Every day I would get asked about DVDs, and I would mention to my manager that she should do something about getting DVDs in the store. She said to me "Yeah like LASERDISC?!" A week later I went in to check my schedule and saw I only worked 1 day that week. After that, my name was on the paper, but I had no days for work. She was phasing me out. I heard from a friend that she was pissed at me, and she felt I was trying to do her job for her. Well, the winner of that epic confrontation is clear by TKO. Me.

It was announced that the LAST maker of VHS is closing its doors. The last company left that was still pumping out VHS tapes will hault production on them. The VHS tape, is no more. DVD has won the day. Now many people believe that Blu Ray will take over DVD, but I don't. Not anytime soon at least. 10 years down the line, maybe. HUGE maybe. My heart will always remember the fond memories I had of VHS tapes. The VCRs that would shred the tapes. The idiots that would return tapes to our store after leaving them on the dashboard of the car, causing the sun the melt the tapes down. The idiot guy that came in and rented a porn tape, and returned 15 minutes later in tears because he was on a bike and a truck ran him off the road and he dropped the tape and it was ran over and busted into 100 pieces. Yeah, it happened. So many VHS stories to tell, all involving porn titles too, and no special DVD stories to talk about.

Heres to VHS. Thanks for changing the world.

You Know What I Hate? Fat Girls That Hate Skinny Girls

I hate fat girls, who get pissed and hate on skinny girls, just because they're skinny. Seriously fatties, shut the fuck up.

I just read this girls blog where she got all upset and depressed because her boyfriend was jerking off to pictures of girls on the internet. SKINNY GIRLS! Keep in mind this girl that caught her boyfriend is a fatty. You know what fuck it I'll just post the blog. Hang on...

My heart has been broken.

I feel so crushed right now I can barely breathe.

I cannot believe how badly I've been deceived right now.

I can't get the images out of my mind. I want to throw up.

Why is it that the worst people always somehow convince you that they are wonderful? Why do they always find me and convince me they are what will make me happy and take care of me?

And why is it that people have to be so hurtful rather than honest?

Why does some say " you're beautiful" and "you're all I need" and then they turn around and masturbate to some skinny naked girl online and refuse to touch you even though your always willing to be with them. Instead of being honest and saying, hey your too fat for me. I want what she looks like. And then things can be over with and done.

Im so tired of liars and mean people.

Is there any such thing as love even? I've been thinking lately how messed up fairy tales are. They should be banned. All they do is give young kids a promise of "love" which I think we all know doesn't exist.

There's a fake connection that for some reason we feel for someone else that we mistake for this love thing that I don't think exists.

Shut the fuck up. The only thing worse than whiney fat girls is emo fat girls. Listen, there are things out there, ready? It's crazy so just, get ready for this.... D I E T!!!!!!!!!

If you wanna be skinny so guys will like you more, stop eating burgers and fries all the damn time. I remember once a fat girl was eating half a cheeseburger, and I said, uh I thought you were telling me about going on a diet? And she said, OH I AM ON A DIET THIS BURGER IS ONLY SO MANY POINTS OFF MY WEIGHT WATCHERS....

......

Yeah fatty, it's still a fucking CHEESE BURGER. Maybe if you took some effort and ate a salad instead you would lose weight quicker and wouldn't be a fat crying babbling idiot.

Here is another blog by the same person....

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.
I have these 2 friends from high school, and I just found out they are the centerfold in decembers issue of playboy. I absolutely don't believe it. I was really good friends with them in high school.its so crazy.
It has gotten me really upset. Not about them, but about the fact that I see girls I was friends with who have actually done something with themselves and im stuck here delivering pizzas and 40 pounds overweight. I don't know how this happened. I mean its pathetic. I hate myself so badly right now.

Maybe if you didn't eat burgers all the time and claim it was part of your diet, you could be in Playboy too.

Seriously, to all fat girls out there, just shut up. If you hate being fat so much, diet. It's that easy, it's not rocket science. Going to BK and getting a whopper and fries but getting a diet coke make it ok. Now shut up and watch this video.



What You Should Be Watching 3: Hard As Nails

So here's the latest installment of our "What You Should Be Watching" series, and it's probably something you wouldn't otherwise look for. I randomly ran across this while browsing documentaries on HBO On Demand. I saw a documentary called "Hard As Nails," and the description said it was about some controversial catholic minister who had his own way of delivering his message. I figured a documentary on crazy religious people always has to be a winner, so I checked it out. The minister the documentary is about is 29 year old Justin Fatica, who is basically a typical young northeast guy, with the accent and street talk that's normal for a northeast hip hop type guy. The guy was a little loud and energetic, but I didn't really notice anything too crazy.......that is until I see the guy preaching at a church, then taking a chairshot to the back, WWE style! Yeah, the guy is talking about how much God loves them, then takes a chair to the back....yeah this is definitely not your everyday holy roller. Not only the chairshots, but this guy stands out in front of clubs talking to people hitting clubs, and references sex and blowjobs and other things that would never be said by a normal catholic. Then of course there's his preaching where he screams his lungs out, mentioning one of his team members being unpopular due to her being fat (which was rather hilarious upon first view.) This documentary is really crazy to see, I guess because Justin Fatica goes against the normal everyday holy style that most catholics deliver, and presents a whole new outlook that would probably be way more appealing to a lot of young people than the normal Catholic delivery. I honestly kept waiting for some caption to pop up that Justin was involved with drugs or that he had charges against him or something, but nope, just turns out to be a regular documentary on the guy, who has a wife and kid, and just has his own way of delivering the message he's trying to spread. Even if you're not into the holy stuff, I recommend this documentary for sheer entertainment if nothing else. "Hard As Nails" brings you pro wrestling style religious delivery at it's best.

Related Content:
Hard As Nails Ministry Official Site
What You Should Be Watching 1: Confessions of a Superhero
What You Should Be Watching 2: Fringe

Random Villains Top 10 Films Of 2008

First things first. I have not seen EVERY film this year. So this is more like a Top 10 Films That I Saw list. I didn't get a chance to see movies like The Wrestler, or Slumdog Millionaire, or Benjamin Button. Having a newborn around kinda cancels out the going to the movies option for me. Plus I refuse to be one of those assholes that bring babies to movie theaters. So if you read this list and get all pissed cause one of YOUR favorite movies isn't in MY top 10, chances are I just didn't get around to seeing it this year. This was a pretty hard list to do, it shows that I didn't get out to the movies near as much as I should have. I really had to search and reach to fill out 10 movies. As you will see.

10. Midnight Meat Train
This movie didn't even get a theatrical release. This was the first time ever that I had heard of a movie going direct to dollar theaters. Thankfully I got to see this for free. It was on fearNET on my OnDemand service, it's still there if you have OnDemand so go check it out. Good horror movies are hard to come by these days. Mostly all we get is shitty PG-13 remakes. But thankfully this was something fresh for everyone. A good story, good characters, and of course, awesome gore. I hate when CGI is used in place of make-up effects, but if it is done the right way, it works perfect. Ever see a man get hit so hard in the back of the head it makes his eyes pop out? I have, thanks to this movie.

9. Speed Racer
For some reason this movie got shit from everyone. It bombed at the box office, and it got shitty reviews from all over. But I thought it was pretty damn awesome. This seriously is the most visually stunning movie you'll ever see. The characters are cheesey and cartoony but hey, guess what? That's what they're supposed to be! I thought this captured the cartoon series perfect, and plus anything with John Goodman in it is an instant thumbs up.

8. The Spiderwick Chronicles
I never read the books and knew nothing of this movie going in. But this turned out to be something that I wish we would get more of. No word of further movies but this blew Narnia away. It was kinda like the kids movies from back when I was a kid, when they were scary. This movie was actually pretty damn violent for a kids movie too. Kids getting attacked by goblins and scratched up and bleeding all over, fuckin crazy. I loved it.

7. Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer
Again, a great horror movie that didn't get recognized by many. It's been a long time since we had an "Ash" type character roaming around. Since we'll never get an Evil Dead 4, I think Jack Brooks will make a suitable replacement for Ash. Hopefully they continue on with more Jack Brooks movies.

6. The Incredible Hulk
Hands down the best fight scene in YEARS. Abomination Vs. Hulk at the end was insane. And thank you lord for making up for the shit that was known as HULK. Ed Norton was perfect, the movie was perfect. It had everything anyone would want, be it fans of the TV show, or comic. It had nods to both. I just hope Ed Norton sticks around for The Avengers.

5. Zack And Miri Make A Porno
This is the best Kevin Smith movie. I have been a huge Kevin Smith fan since Clerks came to video. I've been a loyal follower even though some of his movies are a little, eh. I am a fan of the serious comedy Kevin Smith. Like Clerks, Zack And Miri, Chasing Amy. But shit like Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back is just too idiotic. I still watch it, and laugh here and there, but it's like watching a fuckin cartoon. When he makes movies that have heart and soul in them, that can make you laugh but then make you near tears, that is when Kevin Smith shines.

4. Rambo
Where is this on other peoples Top 10 lists? This was the most insanely awesome action movie I had seen in years. Sylvester Stallone did what George Lucas and Steven Speilberg failed to do. Reach back to the 80s and bring back an icon and make him awesome once again. Stallone 1. Lucas and Speilberg 0.

3. Iron Man
This one was tough. Iron Man is behind The Dark Knight, but just barely. This is how comic book movies are done. This is how summer blockbusters are done.

2. The Dark Knight
Do I really need to say anything about this movie that hasn't already been said 100 times by 100 people?

1. Wall-E
Even if I had gotten around to seeing every movie this year, I think that Wall-E would still hold this spot as the best movie of 2008. Pixar is the best out there right now. If there is a Pixar movie coming out, you know it's gonna be good no matter what. So of course going into Wall-E I knew it would be good. But was I expecting it to be GREAT? No. I had no idea how great this movie would turn out to be. I hope the Academy gives this movie the honor it deserves. Fuck a Best Animated Film win, cause seriously you know it's gonna get nominated, and you know it'll win. This movie needs to be nominated for Best Picture. Seriously. Beauty And The Beast was nominated, why not Wall-E?!

Friday, December 26, 2008

R.I.P. Eartha Kitt, Passed Away at Age 81.

Eartha Kitt, a singer, dancer and actress, was born in South Carolina to a family working in the cotton fields, and went on to become an international symbol of elegance and sensuality before passing away on Christmas Day, at the age of 81. She had been battling colon cancer.

Best known for her TV role in the original Batman series, starring as Batman's female nemesis, The Catwoman, Kitt rose to fame using her trademark purr to allure men across the country. Call it irony or fate, but Kitt was also known for her Christmas classic, "Santa Baby."

Our thoughts and condolences from Devon Lohan to Ms. Kitt's family. She was always my favorite Catwoman.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

io9.com are a bunch of bitches...

No, really. It's mostly chicks writing one of the prominent science fiction resource blogs on the web, and they are easily startled and clearly get their anime loving panties in to a wad. I have been a reader and commentator for some time, so imagine my surprise when I find out my account has been banned from commenting! WHY do you ask?! Here's why! This stupid article, not unlike many others on that site, talks about how China is too sensitive to handle watching The Dark Knight and that's why it isn't being released there theatrically... boo hoo, so I chime in and say somethign along the lines of "yeah well if you had a little dick and ate cats all day you would be sensitive too."


So they banned me. What a bunch of queers.

Greatest Christmas Video Ever

So Merry Christmas you fine people. It is Christmas Eve and I am here at work. Yeah. At work, on the EVE. But it's ok, they're giving us Friday off, and we get off today at 2:00pm. I wanted to post SOME kinda Christmas blog and figured the greatest Christmas video of all time should be the way to start it off.



I never got a present that made me lose my mind this hardcore. Now don't get me wrong, as a kid I got pretty fuckin sweet presents, I think it was just the fact that for some strange reason, up until I was 14 I was sick EVERY CHRISTMAS. I either had a serious cold, or the flu, strep throat, something was always fucked up with me on Christmas. Which always kept me from marking out over the Castle Greyskull Playset I got. Plus my Birthday is December 4th and the bad ass presents like my Nintendos and such always came around then instead of Christmas. When I was 14 though I woke up Christmas morning with a serious stomach ache, ignored it, opened presents, then went upstairs and puked my asshole out of my mouth for about 5 hours. Went to hospital, they claim stomach flu, send me home where I sit in pain all night long but no longer puking thanks to the shot they gave me. Get outta bed on the day after Christmas, puke up what appeared to be coffee grounds, go BACK to the hospital where their claim of stomach flu turned to "Uh your appendix has burst we need to get you into surgery NOW." Yeah good job hospital, way to not realize that the day before, assholes. Anyways for some reason ever since that day I've been perfectly fine every Christmas.

Anyways, drink lots of egg nog. Merry Christmas.

Devon's Most Anticpated of '09.

Yesterday Random Villain listed his top 10 list for movies he's looking forward to seeing in 2009, and I was surprised to see several movies left off his list. We've never agreed on a lot of movies, so it's no real surprise, but that's okay. I decided I'd do my own list, not quite in the same fashion as his. Here is my list for most anticipated movies of 2009, in order of Month of Release, and then in order of what I want to see most that month. Also, keep in mind that there are probably a lot more movies that will come out in 09 that haven't been given release dates yet, or announced.

JANUARY
Taken, Possession

FEBRUARY
Push, Fanboys, He’s Just not that in to You, & Street Fighter

MARCH
Watchmen, Race to Witch Mountain, I Love You, Man, & Knowing

APRIL
Dragonball: Evolution, Crank 2

MAY
Wolverine, Star Trek, Terminator: Salvation, Bruno, & Angels & Demons

JUNE
Transformers 2, Land of the Lost

JULY
2012, Harry Potter, & Funny People

AUGUST
G.I. Joe

SEPTEMBER
Jennifer’s Body, Fame

OCTOBER
Where the Wild Things Are

NOVEMBER
A Christmas Carol, Wolfman, The Box, & Sherlock Holmes

DECEMBER
Avatar

TBA
Conan, Inglorious Basterds, Red Sonja, & The Road


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Internet Legends 1

Slow day today, I'm bored, so I thought of a new series of blogs.

INTERNET LEGENDS.

That's right. Those guys that who were nobodies, and in a way, are still nobodies, but we watch them all the time on the internet to get good laughs out and make ourselves feel better about life.

So I find it fitting that I start this series off with the king of the internet legends. The one...

The only...

GELLIEMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



RVTV Returns This Weekend!

No joke. This weekend RVTV will return with...

RVTV: A Very Special Christmas Episode.

Until then, enjoy this....



Merry Christmas, from Devon Lohan.

It's that time of year, when we all settle in with our families and try and remember what the good stuff in life is all about. In today's society, it's a rare feat to go one day without being reminded of the constant struggles and hardships we all face from day to day, but for me Christmas is the one day when everything bad fades away and only the good is seen. Like many of you, my most cherished memories from childhood are of Christmases spent with my family. I can vividly remember every Christmas we spent together, the way the family all gathered together in the kitchen to cook, or sat around watching Christmas Vacation or A Christmas Story. I miss the days when I always got to play Santa on Christmas Eve, as we all gathered around the enormous tree, and the 100+ presents under it. Christmas was never a small deal in our family, we always strived to go bigger every year, until sometimes their were more presents than we had room for. I recall a particular year when they lined not just the living room, but the dining room, and halfway down the hall as well. That was a good year!

Times change, and in turn so do families. We move away from each other, and sometimes we're broken up by divorce or death, and eventually those Christmases we loved so dear become a thing of the past. So readers, I implore you to cherish these Christmases you have with the ones you love, because they might not always be around.


To my frenemy Random Villain, enjoy this first Christmas with your new baby Calvin, it will surely be one you'll always remember. To our other colleagues here, I wish you nothing but success and luck in your endeavours in the next year. To our readers, I thank you sincerely for continuing to come back to Devon Lohan and giving us a small audience to entertain with our antics. It's been a good year, and I think 2009 will be even better. Merry Christmas to everyone, and a Happy New Year too!


-Devon


Monday, December 22, 2008

Random Villains Most Anticipated Movies Of 2009

So 2008 is about to come to a close. It has been a pretty bad ass year in movies. The Dark Knight, Wall-E, Iron Man, and many more. So what does next year hold? Here is a list of my most anticipated to hit the theater and see.

10. Star Trek - May 8th
A grew up in a trekkie house. My parents and brother were huge Star Trek fans, no they didn't dress up as the characters and go to that extent, but they watched every episode of every Star Trek series religiously. I was hooked on The Original Series and The Next Generation but didn't get into the later versions of Star Trek, like Deep Space Nine and Voyager. I am a little iffy on this though, I fuckin LOVE anything Simon Pegg is involved in but I just don't see him as Scotty. But I'll be there opening day.

Plot: From director J.J. Abrams ("Mission: Impossible III," "Lost" and "Alias") and screenwriters Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman ("Transformers," "MI: III") comes a new vision of the greatest space adventure of all time, "Star Trek," featuring a young, new crew venturing boldly where no man has gone before.

9. Transformers; Revenge Of The Fallen - June 26th
Transformers made me feel like a kid again. As any boy in the 80's I was obsessed with Transformers, so seeing the live action feature made me all giddy inside, the debut of Optimus Prime, and the fact they kept the original voice actor around made it even better. So why is it only number 9? I fear that Steven Speilberg doesn't has as much influence on this one as he did the first one.

Plot: Not reall known because of Micahel Bay leaking false rumors, it's hard to say exactly what this is about, but heres hopin for Dinobots.

8. Crank: High Voltage - April 17th
I actually gave Crank another watch over this past weekend. I forgot exactly how awesome it was. How visually insane it was. It's almost like watching a live action video game play out. The character runs and runs, stops and picks up power ups, fights mini bosses, everything. I love it.

Plot: In this high-octane sequel, hitman Chev Chelios' (Statham) launches himself on an electrifying chase through Los Angeles in pursuit of the Chinese mobster who has stolen his nearly indestructible heart. "Crank: High Voltage" is written and directed by Neveldine/Taylor, the duo behind the 2006 hit film "Crank," and the upcoming "Game" starring Gerard Butler.

7. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - July 17th
These movies keep getting darker and darker and more and more violent. I've enjoyed the past movies but to me, they keep getting better and better.

Plot: Voldemort is tightening his grip on both the Muggle and wizarding worlds and Hogwarts is no longer the safe haven it once was. Harry suspects that dangers may even lie within the castle, but Dumbledore is more intent upon preparing him for the final battle that he knows is fast approaching. Together they work to find the key to unlock Voldemort's defenses and, to this end, Dumbledore recruits his old friend and colleague, the well-connected and unsuspecting bon vivant Professor Horace Slughorn, whom he believes holds crucial information. Meanwhile, the students are under attack from a very different adversary as teenage hormones rage across the ramparts. Harry finds himself more and more drawn to Ginny, but so is Dean Thomas. And Lavender Brown has decided that Ron is the one for her, only she hadn’t counted on Romilda Vane's chocolates! And then there's Hermione, simpering with jealously but determined not to show her feelings. As romance blossoms, one student remains aloof. He is determined to make his mark, albeit a dark one. Love is in the air, but tragedy lies ahead and Hogwarts may never be the same again.

6. X-Men Origins: Wolverine - May 1st
It took 4 movies, but they finally got Gambit. On top of that this actually looks better than the 3 X-Men movies, sorry but the 1st didn't do much for me, the third was horrible, and the 2nd movie was good but not as awesome as people make it out to be.

Plot: Leading up to the events of "X-Men," "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" tells the story of Wolverine's epically violent and romantic past, his complex relationship with Victor Creed, and the ominous Weapon X program. Along the way, Wolverine encounters many mutants, both familiar and new, including surprise appearances by several legends of the X-Men universe.

5. Funny People - July 31st
The newest film from Judd Apatow. Unlike the numerous FROM JUDD APATOW films that have been coming out, when I mean newest I mean the newest film he is DIRECTING. After 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up, I am anxious to see what this brings, and of course, Seth Rogen is cast.

Plot: The story of a famous comedian who has a near-death experience.

4. The Wolfman - November 6th
This has a fantastic cast. And even though it is a remake, I feel it's a remake that is deserving, since the original is pretty damn old. Unlike most remakes today which are almost just a decare apart from the original. I've been a huge Benecio Del Toro fan since The Way Of The Gun, so anything he gets involved in grabs my interest.

Plot: Inspired by the classic Universal film that launched a legacy of horror, "The Wolfman" brings the myth of a cursed man back to its iconic origins. Oscar® winner Benicio Del Toro stars as Lawrence Talbot, a haunted nobleman lured back to his family estate after his brother vanishes. Reunited with his estranged father (Oscar® winner Anthony Hopkins), Talbot sets out to find his brother... and discovers a horrifying destiny for himself.

Lawrence Talbot's childhood ended the night his mother died. After he left the sleepy Victorian hamlet of Blackmoor, he spent decades recovering and trying to forget. But when his brother's fiancée, Gwen Conliffe (Emily Blunt), tracks him down to help find her missing love, Talbot returns home to join the search. He learns that something with brute strength and insatiable bloodlust has been killing the villagers, and that a suspicious Scotland Yard inspector named Aberline (Hugo Weaving) has come to investigate.

As he pieces together the gory puzzle, he hears of an ancient curse that turns the afflicted into werewolves when the moon is full. Now, if he has any chance at ending the slaughter and protecting the woman he has grown to love, Talbot must destroy the vicious creature in the woods surrounding Blackmoor. But as he hunts for the nightmarish beast, a simple man with a tortured past will uncover a primal side to himself... one he never imagined existed.

3. Up - May 29th
The newest Disney/Pixar film. After the amazing Wall-E I really can't wait to see what they do next. To me Pixar has yet to fail.

Plot: From Disney•Pixar comes "Up," a comedy adventure about 78-year-old balloon salesman Carl Fredricksen, who finally fulfills his lifelong dream of a great adventure when he ties thousands of balloons to his house and flies away to the wilds of South America. But he discovers all too late that his biggest nightmare has stowed away on the trip: an overly optimistic 9-year-old Wilderness Explorer named Russell. From the Academy Award®-nominated director Pete Docter ("Monsters, Inc."), Disney•Pixar's "Up" invites you on a hilarious journey into a lost world, with the least likely duo on Earth. "Up" will be presented in Disney Digital 3-D™ in select theaters.

2. Bruno - May 15th
Sacha Baron Cohens follow up to Borat. For those that watched Da Ali G Show you know of Bruno. For those that don't I find this character to actually be funnier than Borat. Which to me, but not to many others, Borat was one of the funniest movies I had seen in theaters, ever, if not THE funniest movie I have ever seen in the theater. I think that Bruno will be even funnier than that.

Plot: Sacha Baron Cohen's gay Austrian supermodel Bruno comes to the big screen with similar hijinks and celebrity interviews as seen on "Da Ali G Show."

1. Toy Story 3D - October 2nd
Yeah. A re-release is my most anticipated movie of 2009. But hey, it is TOY STORY. This marks the beginning of the countdown. Disney/Pixar will release Toy Story 2 in 3D after this, and then follow it up with the release of Toy Story 3, in 3D. Toy Story is the first movie from Disney/Pixar that launched what Pixar is today, the makers of some of the best films released. And to see Toy Story come back this time in 3-D will really be something amazing.

Plot: Disney•Pixar's "Toy Story" kicks off a Disney Digital 3-D™ "Toy Story" celebration, which includes "Toy Story 2," opening Feb. 12, 2010, and culminates in a brand new adventure starring Buzz and Woody: "Toy Story 3"—in theaters June 18, 2010.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Merry Christmas Dammit



And a happy Fucking New Year, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Christmukah, Winter Solstice, Holidays, and all that stuff. Thanks to our readers for making us the 1,474,784th most popular blog and 2 millionth most visited website on the internets.

When we started this blog we had modest goals, and we have far surpassed them. While this site was started as a venue for a few guys to write whatever bullshit they wanted, we now have Tens of subscribers. Every morning a couple dozen people start their day reading DevonLohan.com as we have replaced their morning Wall Street Journal, New York Times, and USA Today. We are the perfect complement to your morning coffee or afternoon bowel movement.

And for that we Thank You.

I am saying Merry Christmas a little early because I will probably be very busy the next week. All of our contributors are very busy with work and family and our Random Villain is a new Dad.

I will be spending the next few days fighting with family members over Christmas presents, gift exchanges, who Granny loves more, and all that fun stuff.

May your Holidays be much more pleasant.

I do have some VERY exciting plans for the site.



During my absence I have lined up guest posts from contributors like the Every Day Gourmet and The Holiday Man. We look forward to providing much more interesting content in the New Year.

If you would like to be a writer or contribute guest articles, send an email to ultrablogs at aol.com.

If you have your own blog this would be a great way to promote your site to our thousand of readers!

Warner Music Has Zero Fucking Business Sense


Warner Music is a joke of a company. They barely put out music anymore. They pay for lavish digs and executives who do not even work. Their top producers only work on hit records for artists on other labels. And their stock price is in the shitter. Their "leaders" all made hit records in the 80s or 90s and now spend their time in The Hamptons or whatever the fuck they do. They really only have a few bands left and they are either old as dirt and retiring soon or leaving for 360 deals with Live nation.

Of course marketing music is a lot different these days. MTV doesn't play music videos and is planning to program even less music next season. Clear Channel runs terrestrial radio.

And, Oh Yeah. People don't fucking buy CDs anymore, let alone record albums. People still buy CDs if they are given a good reason, but mostly consumers are at least sampling music digitally. Listeners find good music on The Internet.

And since MTV doesn't play music videos and other stations like VH1 only show bands that even your grandmother thinks are a bunch of pussies, where can you watch music videos?

Youtube.

So Warner decides they are going to ban their artists from Youtube. Why? They are looking out for the royalties of the artist. Oh Sure.

Warner said""We simply cannot accept terms that fail to appropriately and fairly compensate recording artists, songwriters, labels and publishers for the value they provide," Warner said in a statement."

What
The
Fuck
?

How much compensation did artists receive when MTV used to play their videos all day? Someone correct me if I'm wrong or way off base here. But I'm pretty sure that record labels begged to get on MTV and even paid for chance to get their videos on the TV. Not the other way around. Why? Because they understood the value of the promotion. When videos were in heavy rotation on MTV, consumers went out and bought the recordings.

Now if Youtube is where most people can watch music videos these days, doesn't it make sense to put your video out there as a promotional vehicle?

Plus, Warner already got paid by Youtibe and is still getting paid. They made money when Google bought Youtube and they have a stake in advertising revenue. The stake might not be very high, but they are lucky to get anything. They should be thankful anyone wants to watch their shitty videos in the first place. And I'm sure sure many fans have bought some of their shitty CDs or at least been interested after seeing the videos online. If not, that is Warner's fucking problem for having shitty music no one wants to buy.

One would think if internet is where the ears and eyeballs are these days that music executives would leverage it in the same way they do radio and music television. But what the fuck do I know? I'm not some executive that is running a multibillion dollar multinational corporation into the ground.

For the music executives and other idiots in the music industry who refuse to come to terms with reality, I guess it's just:

Time to Pretend

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Eddie Muprhy Is NOT THE FUCKING RIDDLER!! Here Are REAL Facts For Batman 3...

Jesus Christ.

I first read this rumor this morning. Then knew instantly there was no truth to this rumor AT ALL. So I avoided posting anything of the sort on this site. Why? Well many many times before I stated we will avoid posting rumors and would only post REAL news. But of course, Devon came along and posted it, so here are the facts.

First of all it is a news story broke by the fucking SUN for christ sake... Here are FACTS.....

Eddie Murphy is not, and never will be the Riddler. Seriously, you think they would cast a black guy to play someone named NIGma? No.

Shia The Beef is NOT ROBIN.

Rachel Weisz is NOT CATWOMAN.

Here are some facts that prove all of these rumors are retarded bullshits...

CHRISTOPHER NOLAN HAS YET TO SIGN ON AS DIRECTOR.

THERE IS NO STORY.

NO PLOT.

NOTHING.

NADA.

The ONLY thing going on, is Christopher Nolan is in talks with Warner Bros to come back and direct the third Batman movie. That is IT.

Until he signs on and returns, there is no story, no scripts, no characters to cast, NOTHING.

Sometime In 2009. Everyones DVD Collections Will Be Complete

There is a certain classic that is missing from my DVD shelf. Why? Well this movie has yet to even be RELEASED on DVD. No where to be found. Well, bootlegs, but that's about it...

But that is all about to change.

No release date is set, but it is coming, for sure. And sometime in the next year. What movie is it? What movie is missing from fanboys DVD shelves??

Ladies, and Gentlemen....

I give you...........And this is not just some normal standard release, this is Howard The Duck Special Edition!!

Features are...

A Look Back at Howard The Duck
Releasing the Duck
News Featurette
The Stunts of Howard The Duck
The Special Effects of Howard The Duck
The Music of Howard The Duck
Teaser Trailers

Rumor Mill: Eddie Murphy to be The Riddler?!

The Sun is reporting that comedian Eddie Murphy has been tapped to play the character of The Riddler, in the next Christopher Nolan directed Batman movie. The role, last played by Jim Carrey in '95's Batman Forever, is of the character Edward Nigma, a disgruntled Wayne Enterprises employee, whom after a psychotic breakdown begins terrorizing Gotham City, whilst also tormenting Batman with a series of puzzles and riddles.

The story goes on to say that Nolan and co. have reached out to rising Hollywood star Shia Lebouf to take the mantle of Robin. Which if I may recall, Christian Bale said he would never be in a Batman movie with a Robin. Also, rumors are flying that Rachel Weisz has been asked to be Catwoman, but I personally think that's coming off an io9.com article the other day, in which the author begged producers to consider Weisz for the role.

Insiders also revealed to The Sun "the flick will end on a cliffhanger over whether Batman survives a blast at Wayne Towers. Nolan had been tight-lipped about the future of the Batman films after being rocked by the January death of HEATH LEDGERm whom is expected to receive a posthumous Oscar for his role as The Joker in Batman Returns."

A film insider said: “Chris wasn’t sure if he wanted to do another movie but as soon as he decided to, he got the wheels in motion. Eddie’s a fantastic addition. Everyone’s excited to see what he does as the Riddler."

Meanwhile, neither Nolan himself, or anyone at Warner Bros. have commented on this.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

NBA All Star Game Is A Joke

So awhile back it was announced that the NBA All Star Game was coming to Phoenix, AZ. AWESOME! I live in Phoenix! I can go! I've always watched the Slam Dunk Contest, and 3 Point Shoot Out, and the All Star Game! It'd be awesome to go see this!

Oh man now the voting starts! Vote for your favorite players and see if they make the All Star Team! Damn I better vote, so I can hopefully see my favorite players when the All Star Game comes to Phoenix!

Oh man tickets for events are going on sale in 2 days!! Sweet I am in on the pre sale, alright here we go...

Jam Session? Nah...

Celebrity All Star Game? Meh....

Rookie Challenge? Who gives a shit?

Wait...

What the fuck??

Tickets to the NBA All Star Game and Saturday Nights Events of the All Star Skills Challenge, 3 Point Shoot Out, and Slam Dunk Contest are not going to be available to the public.

Sooo all this hype was for an event I can't even go to.

I was voting for players, I can't even go see.

What in the blue fuck is the point?

God damn the NBA is retarded sometimes.

The Price IS Right!

This is fucking nuts. This dude guesses the final showcase price and nails it for the exact random ass amount. Either that dude saw the card or he's goddamn psychic. You know that black chick and her family are gonna fuck him up after the show.



What You Should be Watching 2.

Earlier today Random Villain posted the first in this series of new blogs, and invited the rest of our crack writing staff to join in. So here I am, with my first entry.

FRINGE.

As a fan of pretty much everything J.J. Abrams touches (which always turns to gold) I obviously tuned in to Fringe from the git-go. Set in and around Boston, Fringe follows a small team of people, more or less completing paranormal investigations, comprised of FBI Agent Olivia Dunham (Anna Torv), Dr. Walter Bishop, Peter Bishop (Joshua Jackson), and a few of Agent Dunham's FBI colleagues. The central plot of Fringe is that the FBI has had no choice but to team team up with an institutionalized scientist, Walter Bishop, who in his hey-day was known for performing experiments on the fringe of real science, and his son, Peter Bishop, to investigate weird crimes that are seemingly part of a larger pattern (which they actually refer to as The Pattern), and may be connected with a global company called Massive Dynamic.

Fringe, which is classified as a serialized drama, is not unlike other Abrams projects LOST and Alias, in which a centralized plot plays background to various individual cases and stories. The team is trying to find out why The Pattern is happening, and who or what is behind it. Episodes usually involve a case that is a result of The Pattern, so we see the team trying to solve the case, while also figuring out how it all ties together. The action is exciting, the pace is most often fast, there's actually a sense of realism, mixed in with fantasy, and enough of a comedic presence to keep it from being dull, and not to mention the story is captivating. There is no better way to say it other than: This show is the complete package.

If you're a fan of J.J. Abrams, or really just a fan of good science fiction, this is definitely a show you want to check out. It's currently on it's winter hiatus, and won't return until Mid January, so you have plenty of time to get caught up. You can watch all the episodes right now at www.hulu.com/fringe, or ya know... download em.


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The 1000th Blog.....Coming Soon.

UPDATE: Brought to my attention is the fact that this is actually the 965th PUBLISHED blog. I was looking at the count in the blogger dashboard which is semi retarded and it lists this as the 1000th blog. What it doesn't say is that blogs that were started but never finished and were just saved as drafts and not published also count with the normal published blogs. Gotta love blogger. Anyways fuck it, 1000th blog will be here sooner or later, read on for the original posting.


Believe it or not, this, right here, what you are reading, is the 1000th blog on this site. We started this page about 2 years ago now. Don't really got much to say about this event. Just a thanks to whoever you people are out there that keep reading this site. I invite my fellow writers to edit this blog and write their own thoughts about blogs 1 - 999 just below the picture of all of us in our former lives. So have at it, and of course, don't just get in here and write your thoughts without saying who exactly is writing it.

What You Should Be Watching 1

New little continuous article I'm gonna try it. And it's just not for me, Devon and the countless other writers here on this blog can also jump in on the fun, just keep the count up, this is number 1.

What You Should Be Watching?

Confessions Of A Superhero.

What is it? A documentary. Last year I took the better half and our nephews to the land of Hollywood. And as we strolled along we hit the world famous Graumans Chinese Theater, and as always, the people dressed as various characters were hanging around, taking pictures with people. And it got me to thinking what was with these people? Did they work for the theater? Do they do this for fun? What's the deal?

Last week I found this documentary in my suggestions list on Netflix, and I watched it and all my answers were found. Along with answers, I was entertained and pretty caught up in these peoples lives.

The documentary follow 4 people, who spend their days dressed up in front of the theater. It's their day jobs. They are actors. When not going to auditions and trying to make it as an actor, they make their money on tips in front of the theater. There is Superman, who not only dresses as the character, but WORSHIPS Superman. There is Batman, who has quite the anger management issue, especially when he isn't tipped, Wonder Woman, who is actually pretty interesting, and hot, and of course, The Hulk, who out of them all, seems to be doing much better than how he started off, and out of them all, is actually getting some acting jobs here and there.

That is the jist of it all, it follows their lives, it tells about where they grew up, and how they got to where they are today, the only flaw I found was it doesn't do the traditional, where are they know, right before the end credits. I guess I can hold out for Confessions Of A Former Superhero?

Anyways, if you like documentaries about interesting people, check this out.



Adam Walsh Killer Identified... 27 Years Later.

Better now than never I guess right? For those wondering who in the blue fuck Adam Walsh is, he is the son of John Walsh, host/creator of Americas Most Wanted. John created the show after his son Adam was abducted and murdered, actually, Adam was decapitated.

Ottis Toole, admitted to killing Adam years ago, but it was never made official if he really did or not. But today the case is officially closed as Hollywood, Florida police tied up all the loose ends.

I guess at one end, John Walsh could find some closure in this, even though the killer was already in prison, and died 12 years ago in prison, it probably would have been better for John Walsh to find the killer himself and bring him to justice, but at least now he knows who did it, and knows that that person served time for the other murders Ottis Toole committed.

If you're wondering wtf this news has to do with this site, well Americas Most Wanted is a show on TV. And the kidnapping/murder of Adam Walsh was a HUGE media frenzy back in 1981. So there ya have it, we cover it all. Plus I'm one of those people that find it interesting to read about serial killers and how crazy they are. So I've watched countless specials on MSNBC and E! about this murder among others. And it's good to see that all those questions marks that have been bugging John Walsh for 27 years can now turn into periods.

Interesting note, Ottis Toole was once cellmates with Ted Bundy.

Rob Zombie To Continue Fucking Up Halloween

Rob Zombie has signed on to write and direct Halloween 2, for release October of 09. His first attempt was fuckin shit. I hate Rob Zombie as a director, and his albums have progressively gotten worse and worse. He claims that this Halloween 2 won't resemble the original Halloween 2. Kinda like he claimed that his version of Halloween wouldn't resemble the original and how it would be HIS vision, but then the entire 2nd half of the movie was a retarded 12 year old with his parents video camera exact REMAKE of the original movie.

Whatever Rob Zombie, you suck. You just rip off other movies and give them new titles and claim them as your own, then you got called out on it so now you're just straight up remaking bullshit. Go fuck yourself. House Of 1000 Corpses = Texas Chainsaw, Devils Rejects = Natural Born Killers, and Halloween = uh, yeah you get where this is going. You suck you have no original vision, you fail. Goodnight.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Things Back To Normal Tomorrow

Good news. My maternity leave ends tomorrow, which means news will begin to trickle back to your eyes on this site tomorrow. Till then, I leave you with this.

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE HD


Friday, December 5, 2008

Hancock 2?!

Hancock was a strange movie. The trailers and previews made it out to be this wacky comedy where Will Smith is this grumpy superhero. Like a superhero version of Bad Santa is the best way to describe it. But actually, it was more like a dramatic action movie where Will Smith is a grumpy superhero. Not much comedy was around.

If you saw the movie, you had a feeling that something wasn't right. Upon further digging I found out that the studio got the mitts on the movie and fucked it all up. Originally Hancock was R rated. And had a pretty dark tone to the movie. But it was Will Smith and 4th of July so the studio chopped the movie to shit and edited all up to make it PG-13 and more appealing to people. Which is stupid but whatever.

Anyways Will Smith has revealed a Hancock 2 is in the works, which I am actually happy about. I kinda liked Hancock for what it was, and if they do the sequel right it could be a good movie.

Also, for those that have seen it, what the fuck is with the DVD art spoiling the whole movie? For those that have no idea what I'm talking about, and don't mind a spoiler, here we go. In the movie Will Smith is alone in the world. The only one of his kind. He also had amnesia, he has no idea where he came from, or how he got there. It is revealed near the end that Charlize Theron has the powers that he has as well, and they are not superheros or any of that stuff, but they are in fact Gods. When two Gods are near each other, their powers fade but apart they are very powerful. Anyways, all kinds of stuff goes on, but I find it strange that the studio decided to obviously show that Theron is a "superhero" of sorts on the DVD cover, kinda blowing the surprise at the end for everyone.

Anyways, Hancock 2. Cool. I'm there.

Where the Hell is Everybody?

I'm sure by now you're wondering where the staff of DevonLohan.com has disappeared to, but let me assure you we have not gone far. Unfortunately, I've been swamped at work training new hires for a company that just laid off 12,000 people, and in better news, our very own Random Villain became a proud papa! Congratulations to him and Mrs. Villain. Everyone else ... well ... who knows what they're doing?! Either way, we've all been a little busy!

Keep checking back though, we'll be back maybe as soon as this weekend! Thanks!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving from Devon Lohan!


As we near our 1,000th post here at Devon Lohan, there's one thing we're definitely thankful for this year, and that's YOU our readers! Thanks for sticking with us through some of the growing pains and hard times we've had this past year, and thanks for coming back and giving us another shot time, and time again. We wouldn't be doing this, and couldn't do this, if it weren't for all of you.


So I can't speak for the others, but I'm taking the rest of the week off!


Happy Thanksgiving!


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Twilight: The Official Devon Lohan Review

I'd like to preface this review by mentioning that, yes, I did read the books. However, unlike the majority of the fanbase for this film, I didn't read them starting a couple years ago. Instead, I actually didn't pick them up until I began to read all the fuss about this movie getting made, this past summer. I'm one of those people, that anytime I hear or read about something that a lot of people are keen on, I usually have to check it out and see what all the fuss was about. So before I ever opened the first book of the series, I had already been made privy to a plot outline, and had even a preliminary cast photo. This served well, as it helped me establish an idea of what the characters looked like in my head. I read the entire series picturing the players in my head as they would be portrayed on film. So without further ado, my Twilight review.

Before going to see the film last night, I read several online reviews, just to kind of get an idea in my head of what the movie would be like. I don't like to be disappointed, so I assume this would be a good way to set myself up for whatever result I would get. Imagine my surprise when I found the reviews to be a staunch 50/50 deadlock. Half of the reviews raved about how the movie met their every anticipation, and the other half picked it apart and analyzed every little nuance of every little detail. It was remarkable as well, that these reviews were blatantly split between the tween fangirls of this movie, and adults like myself, who picked up the books and ended up really liking the story. There's a different in there somewhere, between the fangirls, and the rest of us, and I'm still trying to figure that out. What makes them so ravenous about this film? I really enjoyed the books, but as you can see I made it until Monday night to see the movie without exploding. Some of the girls in the theater with me were there for the 3rd and 4th time! It's no wonder this flick made over 70 million at the box office! Suffice to say, I went in to the movie with an open mind, expecting to pick out of some of the same things all the 13 year olds are freaking out about, but also being able to formulate an opinion, as an intelligent movie lover. Here's where I stand.

The books are, in no uncertain terms, written moderately well by Stephanie Mayer (who has a brief cameo if you catch it). She's no Anne Rice, I'll tell you that much, but she does manage to capture a sort of magic in her books, that leaves you wanting more, and rushing out to pick the next one up. I bought the first three together on ebay and read them cover to cover, back to back. I waited a month, and the 4th and final book came out, and I tore through it in ONE sitting. So, you can imagine that the books hold up on their own, but as it goes in Hollywood, the movie adaptation doesn't necessarily replicate that success. So I wanted to come in to the movie with an objective mind, and view it as a film fan, and not a fan of the books. What I think is, Catherine Hardwicke, the director, is a one trick pony. If you've seen Catherine's previous work, 13 and Lords of Dogtown (both I really enjoyed) than you're probably familiar with her style of shooting. Lots of short close up bursts, and even more sweeping scene shots. Very little of the movie is shot in the traditional way, with the camera usually focusing in on smaller parts of the scene, or fluxing back and forth from zoom IN and zoom OUT. If I hadn't know already, I would've quickly assumed this was directed by the same person. I can't say it's all bad though, I was actually impressed with how the movie was a little more rough looking, as in not as polished and shiny as most movies on this subject. The more realistic look that Hardwicke uses was a good surprise and added a sense of realism. Also, big surprise Nikki Reed was casted in this flick. That makes her 3-0 for Catherine Hardwicke films. No favoritism showed there, eh? Not that I'm complaining, I've enjoyed Reed ever since she vamped it up in 13... no pun intended.

The film starts off much like the book, with Isabella Swan (played by Kristen Stewart) moving from Phoenix, Arizona to her new home in the small, cloud covered town of Forks, Washington, where Vampires come out in the daytime, protected by the low cloud ceiling. I was instantly impressed with just how much Forks leaped off the pages of the books to the big screen. It was just as I had imagined it while reading the books, and looked exactly how Stephanie Mayer described it. My only real complaint about the transition from book to movie was the way some things were shown out of order. I'm sure it's no easy task transferring a 500+ page book to a 2 hour movie, but with the way the film is laid out there's no reason the biggest mistakes in the movie had to be made. I'm referring to the character of Jacob Black, who turns up in the first ten minutes of the movie, where as in the book he doesn't appear until Bella and her friends spend a day at the beach... a scene that happens in the film, and in which Jacob appears. Why not just wait until then?

I also saw a lot of complaints about the acting, and maybe it's just me, but I thought the acting was really decent. I saw the movie with my roommate, and she complained that Kristen Stewart acts weird... to which I quickly informed her that Kristen Stewart played Bella to a T. She portrays the character exactly as she is written, even surpassing my expectations. There were parts of the movie that felt like deja vu to me, because they were acted out exactly as I had pictured them in my mind. Most of those scenes involved Kristen Stewart playing Bella. Robert Pattinson (of the Harry Potter films) does an excellent job as Edward. People have chastised his performance as being too intense, but I'm assuming their feeble pubescent minds can't grasp the concept of this guy, the character of Edward Cullen, being a Vampire who is falling in love with a girl who smells sweeter to him than any human he's ever encountered. He has to balance his desire to eat her alive, with his desire to be with her and protect her. In my opinion, Robert Pattinson does a spectacular job conveying the intensity of what Edward feels when Bella is in the room. He's never met anyone like her, and he has to juggle the fact that she is everything he wants, and at the same time everything he can't have. That's no easy feat to get across on screen. The scene in the lab where he smells her scent for the first time was terrific. The look on his face is of utter disgust, at least to Bella, but what he's really feeling is pure terror, because he doesn't know if he can control himself from leaping across the room and ripping her throat out. Leave R-Patz alone, girls, he's a fine actor in my book. I always liked that guy as Cedric Duggary anyway.

One other complaint that was frequent was about the graphics, or CG. See, here's the thing though... this movie isn't ABOUT graphics. It had no need for them, EXCEPT for the one thing it was used for... so to complain that there could have been more and better graphics is useless. I don't know what everyone expected, but what I saw on screen looked exactly like I would have imagined it looked like. In the books, Stephanie Mayer describes the way the skin glows as "shining like diamonds." So, what I imagined was skin that shimmered like diamonds in the sunlight, and what did I get? Skin, shimmering like a million diamonds, refracting light and glowing, in the sunlight. It was PERFECT. I read an interview with Robert Pattinson where he was asked about the CG and he said, "I haven't actually seen that yet. It is CG but I don't know what it's going to look like. That was one of the hardest things to do. We did like a thousand different ideas. We did this thing with flakes of salt and every single thing [they could think of]. I remember they painted one of the PA's blue, which was kind of a confused direction." For me, I can't imagine them doing anything else. The way Edward's skin glows is just like I pictured it. So shut up about that one already. The CG was fine, for what it was.

The supporting cast is surprisingly strong, but unfortunately the majority of the film centers around Bella and Edward. Again, this is an instance where the fangirls are flipping out that they dived right in to Bella and Edward falling in love, and again it's an instance where they are wrong. If this movie was 3 hours long, than yes, they could've slowed down, but it wasn't. The plain outline for this film is the relationship between Bella and Edward, so naturally they are going to consume the most screen time building up that plot. The supporting cast is great when they're on screen though. Bella's high school friends are acted out great, and lived up to what I expected from them. The Cullen family is perfect. That's all I can say. They feel on screen, just as they felt in the book. Warm, loving, caring... but also visceral, strong, powerful. They take to Bella and accept her in to their family, and it's some of these scenes with all of them together that the movie really comes together. The baseball game was awesome, funny, and done really well. I'd actually say this is probably the stand out scene to me, as far as surpassing the book. The scenes with the whole family together make me look forward to more movies, since we know they're a much bigger role later down the line. I would've liked to see Elizabeth Reeser on screen a little more, but I know the role of Esme will come along stronger later on.

The only other realistic complain I have about the movie is Cam Gigandet. I don't understand how this guy continues to find work. He has an imposing, almost scary look to him, which fits him well since he's type casted as a badguy at this point his career... but this guy is a terrible actor. He portrayed James as someone much more hardened and sharp as he should have been. James is a tracker, he hunts for hobby and makes a game out of it, and where we should've seen him actually hunting and putting together his master plan to catch Bella, we instead get a shot of him barreling through some woods, and then suddenly in Phoenix with his whole plan worked out. I guess this is another one of those Book > Film situations where some things had to be cut for time. It just left a bad impression on me.

All in all, the movie really did surpass my expectations. I'm not surprised by some of the stupid reviews I've read, because some people refuse to just enjoy something for what it is. The book isn't canon, and in a film you're going to see some poetic license. Either way, I give Catherine Hardwicke kudos for the way she directed the film. Sure, it looks like just all her other work, but at the same time it's so very different and beautiful. The score is mediocre at best, based mostly off of author Stephanie Mayer's personal playlist while writing the book. It could've been worse though I guess. If you're a fan of the books, try and have an open mind going in to it. Don't look at it like the book is canon and unchangeable. Look at it as a different way of telling your favorite story. Enjoy it for what it is, which is a good, down to earth, enjoyable vampire romance movie. It's a classic tale of forbidden love, set with a contemporary theme, and it's well done. I look forward to the next one, and hopefully two more after that. If the studio is smart, they won't waste any time getting all three in to production before anyone gets any older. If 70 million dollars is any indication of how serious the fans are, they'll listen to my advice.

Go see Twilight, in theaters everywhere right now, and then come back here and sound off in the comments section. Hope you enjoyed my review!

-Devon

Monday, November 24, 2008

Even More Anticipated Than The Dark Knight?!?!

Yes.




Free Dr. Pepper Offer Extended

You can still get the free Dr. Pepper through 6pm today. Maybe drpepper.com figured out how to run a website.

Chinese Democracy Rules- The Genius that is W. Axl Rose

I went to Best Buy like I said I would. I still like buying CDs without listening to the online leaks. Chinese Democracy was well worth the wait. I am going to have a full track by track review later once it sets in.

BTW, Dr. Pepper sucks. I couldn't get through all day. Oh well I guess I will spend the whole damn quarter it costs to just buy a can of Dr. Pepper.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Review: Guns and Roses Chinese Democracy

Fuck that, I was gonna write a review of this cd, but it fucking sucks, and so then I decided to not even write that much, but then Random Villain told me to do it, so here I am! This cd fucking sucks, don't buy it, don't even bother downloading it. 17 years to make this cd, and I expected to hear the greatest rock album ever recorded... and what do I get? Some shit that MIGHT have been enjoyable 17 years ago.

I'd rather listen to Panic at the Disco.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Shield IS The Best Show On TELEVISION. Period.

Unlike Devon, my opinion never changes to the flavor of the week. The Shield is by far the best show on TV. Hands down.

The Shield is about Detective Vic Mackey and his strike team working the streets of Los Angeles. When the show first started out, 7 seasons ago, Vic and his partner Shane were pretty corrupt. Skimming off the top of drug dealers. Letting drug dealers do their business as long as they cut Vic and Shane in on the deals. Stealing from crooks, but even doing that, they would still get the job done. They would "let the little fish swim away to catch the big fish" so to say. In Season 1 Episode 1 Vics captain knows that Vic and Shane are up to no good, but doesn't have the evidence to catch them, so he enlists someone to infiltrate his team and get the dirt. Well the end of Episode 1 Vic has put a bullet in the face of that cop that was sent in, because Vic can smell a trap a mile away. There is no outsmarting him. Like Vic says to a suspect who is not giving details in an interogation room.. "Good cop and bad cop left for the day, I'm a different kinda cop." Then Vic picks up a phone book and smashes the suspect in the face with it.

7 seasons later, and Vic and the team are still feeling and dealing with that moment from the first episode, all leading up to next Tuesday, which will be the finale for the series. Over the course of the series, Vic and the team have tried to steer away from being corrupt, because they know there is only so much, and so long they can get away with their deeds. Most shows tend to forget events that happened in previous seasons, or last week for that matter. All the events from that one moment has lead up to people being fired, arrested, and even to strike team members killing each other off. That's what is so great about this show. Unlike shows on NBC, or CBS, when a character dies, there is no preview, no hints, you will be watching the show then BAM, a major character in the series is dead, like that. It's real.

This past Tuesday, one of the most powerful scenes in the shows history went down. Vic has done a lot of wrong in his career, but has done more right. He has landed a chance to gain immunity in exchange for bringing down one of the biggest crime bosses in the city. Only catch is in order to get the immunity, he needs to confess his crimes. That includes, for the first time ever, Vic confessing to killing the cop from season 1, Terry Crowley. The look Vic gives before he begins his confession is priceless. Take a look.





Tomorrow I will not have another best show. Because this is the best show, not just on cable, but on television. If you have not watched this show yet, I highly suggest you get to it.