Friday, June 8, 2007

The Man Reviews: Hostel 2

USAtoday reports that: "Porn-torture is what passes for horror these days, and Hostel gleefully pushes the envelope. If this movie is any indication, Roth's career goal is to make a snuff film."

That my friends, is a spot on observation. I have never been much of a fan of these types of horror movies. The slasher flick never really did it for me, as I would more often than not find myself exasperated with the lead character's stupidity, or the general cheesiness of the murderer. Freddy Krueger...Jason Vorhees...Michael Myers...those types never held much ground for me. That being said, I went in to the murder/mayhem types expecting to maybe be scared by a movie for the first time since The Blair Witch Project...

This new genre of movies has really hit the scene after the SAW franchise took off, and Eli Roth was good to pick up on that cue, and write Hostel. I watched the first Hostel by myself, in the middle of the day, and to be honest...I thought it sucked. The acting was disastrous, the gore was gratuitous, and the plot was weak and full of more holes than swiss cheese. I wasn't once scared watching that movie, though my gag reflex was put to the test with a number of scenes...and I found myself squirming worse than the time I watched Unfaithful with my mother...Anyways, on to Hostel 2.

The trailers were the first thing to peak my interest, with promises of hot chicks getting down in a hot tub. Who doesn't want to see Slovakian H.L.A.? I know I do. Too bad that whole scene lasts all of 3 seconds...but that's another story. I decided I'd give Hostel 2 a chance, cuz hey - at least Jay Hernandez isn't in it...WRONG. Gotta love the Friday the 13th style prologue this movie has. PREDICTABLE MUCH, Roth? I guess Eli Roth can thank the guys at the SAW franchise for getting me to watch this movie. I thought, well..SAW 2 and SAW 3 rocked my surely Hostel 2 will bring it. Bring what, you ask? Bring the GORE...the mayhem...and the sick plot twists. Sure, there's a few things that left looking for my barf bag, but hey - that's what it's all about, right? It's supposed to invoke your gag reflex. It's supposed to make you think to yourself "OH FUCK THATS SOME SICK SHIT RIGHT THERE!" Hell, there were times when I considered cutting the surround sound off, because I was worried the neighbors were going to think I was butchering a shrieky Jersey girl down here.

I may not be a big Eli Roth fan, but I'll give him his credit where it's due. He stepped it up with this sequel. I quoted at the beginning, and I won't quote them any further. That little blurb was the nicest thing they had to that should be a perfect indication of what "critics" are going to think of this film. Of course, to each his own...I think you have to be a fan of horror to truly enjoy this film. If anything, it might've helped to rekindle that little flame I still have burning for horror film. Me and Horror ain't been doin so good lately...but Hostel 2 seems to have been the cure for my ailments.

One of the TV spots promises that the movie has the most shocking ending in recent history...I don't know if I necessarily agree with I kinda had the idea that what happens would happen...but when it does happen, It's surprising...and then some. This sequel, unlike it's predecessor sees three American students Beth (Lauren German), Whitney (Bijou Phillips) and Lorna (Heather Matarazzo) who are studying in Rome but take a vacation in, where else, Slovakia...what follows is exactly what you would expect.
If all these things don't sell you on the movie, just say to yourself - "Self, how bad do YOU want to see Heather Matazarro naked?"
Cuz where I stand - THAT - was the most shocking thing in recent film history...

I'm The Man - and as you know by now - That's That.

1 comment:

  1. Boring movie. It was just the same exact shit as the last movie. Hour and 10 minutes of boring shit, and character build up about characters that I fuckin hate and annoy me, then 15 minutes of a somewhat interesting ending where you know exactly whats going to happen before it happens. And then its over, same fucking ending as the first movie.

    Same god damn movie as the first one, just with girls instead of guys, same ending, same middle, same same SHIT.