5 Rules Of Visting Disney Theme Parks

Here are the rules of what you should NOT do at Disney theme parks.

This is mostly brought upon by the Flash Mountain post below, because look, I like topless girls, but when it comes to being at Disneyland, that is not the time, or the place, for boobs. Not at all. So here is the rules.

NO BOOBS: Yep, I said it. Disneyland is a magical family friendly place, there is no reason, or need, to show your boobs to the rides cameras. Most of the time the picture gets "washed away" and no one ever sees it anyways. So don't do it. I know you are a huge slut and you just HAVE to flash your boobs at every camera you see, but don't do it at Disneyland, if you wanna do that shit go be trendy and hit Cancun or some fuckin shitty spring break lake. Sluts.

NO CUSSING: Yeah, guess what, most of us civilized adults, like to raise our children right. Now as you can tell from reading this site, I have a filthy fuckin mouth. But I also have a kid, and when I'm around him, I don't cuss. It's called being mature, civilized, responsible. So when I'm at Disneyland, and I hear some fuckin fuck cussing his ass off, I say some shit to him like HEY, DO YOU MIND THERE ARE KIDS AROUND. And if fuck face says YOU GOT A PROBLEM?! Then guess what, I will have a problem, cleaning the shit off of my shoe after pulling my foot out of the fuckers ass. I will throw down at a Disneyland to protect children from the harsh language of douche bags. Try me.

NO GANGSTER WANNABE FAGS: Yeah. None of that please. You have no interest in Disneyland, you just go and sit around and act like idiots and usually break the above rule and then I gotta deal with your hip hop ass. So just stay home, or go chill in front of a movie theater. Back in the 70s, Disneyland actually had a rule that if you were a guy with long hair, they wouldn't let you in. They should make this rule for mexican gangster wannabe fags now as well.

NO CRYING: Kids listen, I know you love to throw temper tantrums and shit, but you are at Disneyland, the most magical place on this planet earth, there is no reason what so ever you should be crying, and if you are crying, that might be because someone broke THE NUMBER 1 RULE.... which is...

NO YELLING AT YOUR KIDS: Listen parents. Realize where you are at. You have taken your children, to the one place in the world that every kid wants to go to. Of course theyre not gonna listen to you too well. Of course theyre gonna mark out and lose their minds over shit. Of course they will not behave properly because god damnit theyre at DISNEYLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!!!!!!!!!! If you yell at your kid, or drag them around by their arm screaming, see the no cussing rule, because I will stand up for that kid, and I will say some shit to you. Leave the kids alone, theyre at Disneyland, you should not be spitting out rules, and this and thats, just let them do their thing, and monitor the shit. If they start going into a place theyre not supposed to walk just tell them not to do that and guide them away. Dont act like some fat mom and say DAMNIT! YOURE NOT SUPPOSED TO GO THERE!!! And grab them by the arm and yank them away. Because I will kick you in the shin if I see that shit. Seriously. Theyre kids, at Disneyland, they dont give a fuck about anything but Disneyland. And if youre thinkin YEAH HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN KIDS TO DISNEYLAND AND HAD TO DEAL WITH IT?! Yes, I have, Ive been taking my nephews to Disneyland for years now, and I have never once had a problem with them. So parents, YOU are the ones who should behave, and make sure your kids have a blast at the LAND, or the WORLD.

Ever Take a Ride On...Flash Mountain?

Apparently there's a "phenomenon" of sorts out there that's been going on for a while now, and it involves some classy women taking a Disneyland Trip, going on the famous "Splash Mountain" ride, then when it's drop time, they pull out their boobs and get a nice pic to remember the experience by. "Flash Mountain" is the name given for this act, and a website has even been dedicated to it. Disney is very aware of it, as it's been reported that they hired a special team just to watch for boobs on the ride, and make sure no inappropriate pics make it through, even though some have apparently slipped by. And they've even got a policy for people who gets stuck with some flashers on the ride and are stuck with unwanted boobs in their picture. The party can report the incident to a cast member, and they will be escorted to the front of the ride so they can ride again, boob free. Word has it that recent budget cuts have forced Disney to scale back on their flash watch team, so Flash Mountain could soon be back in full force. The bad part about this is, after viewing the site, it doesn't seem that there are any super model types taking part in the flashing. It's either some large women who otherwise wouldn't be asked by anyone for a boob shot, or else it's an unsuspecting wife or girlfriend who's man decided to pull her boobs out right at just the right moment. This whole idea isn't really fitting for a Disney theme park, and might be one of the only times I'd say boobs are inappropriate. Talk about the most family friendly place in the world, being brought down by some attention starved losers. Nothing better than taking your 6 year old on a dream vacation, only to see some 300 pounders boobs hanging out. The website is FlashMountain.net, which ensures that these peoples super cool prank has lead to their boobs being shown to millions on the net, and no doubt gaining much...respect...right?

The Weekend Comes Early

As some of you know, we usually take the weekends off from posting news unless something huge breaks. And well news the past couple weeks has been pretty much dead, or just full of shit. And with fellow writer D$ out at the place known as Disneyworld, tomorrow morning I will buy tickets to Disneyland. Not sure when D$ gets back, but I am sure hell pick up the slack over the weekend (as I know hell be back in the next couple days). Either way, we will be off till D$ returns and as I myself return next Tuesday. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

The Jungle Cruise Ride Movie from Disneyland is on the way!

The movies based off rides so far are hit and miss. So far Pirates Of The Caribbean is obviously the best by far. The Haunted Mansion and Country Bears movies on the other hand, ehhhhhhhh. But this sounds promising, but it also sounds like Captain Ron. Dick Cook chairman for Disney had the following to say.

There will be a family involved. The skipper will play a very important role. He'll be more of an Indiana Jones kind of guy, with a little Jack Sparrow in him, who's going to be able to take this family on an adventure that they never dreamed they were going to be on when they first got on board. In true Disney fashion, it will definitely have the adventure and the intensity—but also the heart and the fun. We hope we have a good outline of where we want to go and what we want to do with it in the next year.