Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Review: Hatchet

I heard about Hatchet over a year ago. Heard great things. How it was new, different, what horror fans have been waiting for. But it was never comin around my town so I had to wait. Then I saw the trailer for it and it looked promising. So I was hyped up. Yesterday it came on DVD. I headed to Blockbuster to rent it, which I rarely ever ever do. Usually I will wait for Netflix to deliver it to my door, but I really wanted to see this movie. I am a big horror fan, and I have been wanting to see some good horror movies cause lately, theres been a great big pile of fuck.

Well, that is exactly what I got with Hatchet, a great big pile of fuck. Nothing was new in this movie, nothing different, nothing creative, it was the same exact shit that has been crapped directly to DVD for years now. Kids go on a stupid trip into the woods/swamp, get lost, get killed, the end. They run away, they stop running and try to figure things out, bad guy shows up, they run some more and then stop and try to figure things out, then run some more when the bad guy shows up. Everyone was saying how "Oh man its so cool how they do all the cliches in this!" How the fuck is that cool? That just means they're doing the same bullshit that every other horror movie in the world does.

The acting? Bagh, shitty typical crap. The gore? Well that is 1 nice thing, there is plenty of gore and kills. And T&A? There is plenty of boobs goin around. Remember the chick that played Harmony on Buffy The Vampire Slayer? Yeah, shes in this, showin her boobs about 20 times.

Now some of you may say, maybe I just didn't GET the movie. Or I took it too seriously, or whatever the fuck. Well if thats what you think, then you are a fuckin tard. This movie is the exact same shit thats been comin to DVD for years, nothing new, and it pisses me off. If someone is gonna make a slasher movie, make it something truly different. Something like... Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon. Fuck this movie, pass on it, if you want a REAL horror movie, with good acting, an interesting plot, is different, with characters you care about, and is not predictable, then go rent Behind The Mask. As for Hatchet? Use it in case you run out of toilet paper to wipe your ass with.

2/10 and I only give it 2 stars because of Harmonys tits. And the black dude thats pretty damned funny.

No comments:

Post a Comment