Review: Rob Zombie's Halloween

Alright, here we go.

Now this movie has been getting torn the fuck up, negative reviews everywhere. Well people need to calm down. In every single negative review, they are comparing it to the original. You can't do that. If someone says, "Hey I am going to do my own version of it." Then you have to look at it like that. You have to imagine yourself, that the original movie does not exist, and this is the first time you are ever watching it. This review will not compare the original to the remake until the very end when I just give some simple thoughts. This is a review on Rob Zombie's Halloween.

Now this is not a comparison. This is backstory of sorts to let you all know where I am coming from. I am a HUGE Halloween fan. I own 3 versions of it on DVD, I have a Myers figure on my computer desk at home, I have the framed movie poster, I was Myers for Halloween when I was 14, this past summer I drove out to Pasadena to just check out the neighborhood where the original was filmed. I remember every detail of the first time I ever saw Halloween. So this review is coming from a major fan of the original. So lets forget John Carpenter ever made Halloween....

Halloween is good. The first half of the movie shows a little boy, Michael Myers, dealing with his loving sweet Mom, his annoying sister and abusive drunken step father. He has bullies at school that torment him every day, shits rough. On top of that he loves torturing and killing animals. He seems to find life easier when he is hiding behind his clown mask. So of course, you know where this heads to. And he ends up at Smiths Grove Mental Institution. Dr. Loomis is treating young Michael who does not really remember what happened. His Mom comes to visit him but not matter what Loomis does, or his Mom, Michael keeps getting more and more crazy. Till finally he reaches the stage we all know is coming. Michael stops talking, and starts to turn even more evil than before. We then hit fifteen years later. Myers is all grown up, has not spoken in fifteen years, passes his time making hundreds of masks, and Loomis has no other choice but to give up. Of course Halloween comes and Myers sees his chance and makes his escape. One of the victims during this escape is actually a very rare thing that happens in horror movies these days, you actually give a damn about the person he kills and feel sad.

Now that is about the first half of the movie, which is great. Then we get into the second half which is pretty rushed and honestly gets boring and turns into a typical horror movie. It is seriously almost like two different people wrote the movie. One person wrote a great first half and another person came along and wrote the second half, which is a step by step typical horror movie. And consists of tits and gore. Because they spent so long making a great first half, they don't really bother with any more character development. You don't really care about anyone thats dying anymore. You actually hope they do die so they'll shut the fuck up. Everything is rushed, Michael is out and he is stalking Laurie Strode and her friends and killing anything that gets in his way to his little sister Laurie, who from what it seems like, just wants a hug from her. Not much can be said about the second half than that, its just Michael Myers killing a bunch of people. And then it seems like Rob Zombie had no clue at all how to end it, so he just did some random shit then BAM credits. Now I was really enjoying the hell out of the movie, I was shocked at how good it was, but the ending just left a bad taste in my mouth and I left the theater scratching my head, seriously, I was. Now as far as the actors? Well the kid playing young Michael was great. Malcolm McDowell had some pretty rough dialogue to get through but, he managed. And since Clockwork Orange is my all time favorite movie, I am a bit biased. Scout Taylor Compton as Laurie was alright only because she was really hot. Danielle Harris and Kristina Klebe are pretty much what you expect they're gonna be like. And Tyler Mane does a good job of playing Michael Myers. The kills are good and disturbing, Ken Forees bathroom scene with Myers is funny until Myers attacks. But scares? Zero. There are maybe 2 or 3 moments where they try the jump scare with a loud noise. None of which actually made me jump.

So how does it stack up to the original? Well of course the original blows this one away. Which is a "no fucking shit" comment. Anyone that thinks this is better than the original is a moron. Sorry, but you are. So lets just say this.... I am very pleased Linda says "totally" and that the score from the original movie is back in this. And the simple fact is this, if you are a fan of the Halloween movies, you are a fan of Michael Myers, and what we got in this movie, was a different version of Michael Myers, but it was Michael Myers!! And he is up on the big screen at long last.

All in all, it is just a typical Rob Zombie movie to me. House of 1000 Corpses and Devils Rejects were decent. I saw them in the theater, and had zero urge to ever watch again. But what I am going to do, is what most people should do. Put this one on the shelf with Halloween 3, as it never existing. Rob Zombie came along, showed us what he would have done, and that was that. We can now move on. Every year for Halloween I will still be watching John Carpenters version. If you want a great experience, I would say go and watch the first half of this movie, then go home and throw on the original. And to all the people taking major shits and having a huge fucking panic attack over this movie, I will quote Rob Zombie in a way and let you think about it...

"What would you rather have, a remake that tries to reinvent the franchise, or another Busta Rhymes kung fu Halloween movie? Thats what I thought."